134: Hatred Is Your Strength
ARIANA
I was scared. I was exhausted. I just wanted my baby to be born safely. I didn't want him getting hurt because of me. My sobs got louder against his chest. He let me cry for a minute or so. Then he cupped my face with both of his hands again and made me look up at his face. I was staring into his eyes as he wiped my tears with the pads of his thumbs.
“I know, it's a little scary. And with you, remembering the time when I fucked up everything. I can't blame you for it. For thinking that you are weak and you can't do this.” He whispered softly while gazing into my eyes. His eyes were filled with something. Admiration, love, belief, trust and pride. I saw a mixture of everything in his eyes at that moment.
Enzo leaned closer and pecked my lips gently. “But trust me, honey. You are way stronger than you think you are. You beat cancer all on your own. You survived after everything you went through. This, you are afraid of. This is nothing.” I gulped hard when I heard him. He was getting better with his s speeches.
“Now I want you to do something for me. I want you to gather all the hatred you have in your heart for me. Gather it all and use it as a strength to push the baby. Just one last push. You can do this.” Enzo added further. I was shaking my head as soon as I heard him.
“I don't want my baby to feel even an ounce of hatred.” I replied to him, not wanting to hurt my baby even emotionally. It didn't make sense. But then again, with the raging hormones, rising fears and exhaustion was making me speak nonsense.
“I swear, your baby will feel nothing. Because you will be pouring it all out at once. Our baby will be the happiest, I promise you that.” His promises calmed me down a little. Nodding my head, I closed my eyes and looked for each and every single ounce of hatred in me, that had turned my heart into something dark and had created a void inside my chest.
Once I found it all, I opened my eyes again. “Now grab my hand. Squeeze it, break it, tear it apart, it's your choice. But I want you to be at ease and you push our baby out. You can do this.” Enzo motivated me again. I nodded my head again. I grabbed the hands he offered me and started squeezing his hands. I heard his knuckles crackling. But neither he made a noise, nor did he try to stop me.
“The baby is almost out. It's almost over. Just one last push. That's all you need.” The doctor informed me. I nodded my head, signalling her that I was ready.
“Alright, then. Push. Push as hard as you can.” As I got the signal from her, I used my hatred as my strength to save my baby. I pushed as hard as I could. I was at the brink of collapsing when I heard the doctor.
“It's done. You can relax now. The baby is out.” I started crying as I heard her. I didn't know how I did it. The pain was too much to hear for me. Well, until… until the doctor laid the baby on my chest. The umbilical cord was still attached with the placenta. That tiny soul was crying against my chest. I couldn't believe it, so I had to touch it's face.