133: I Can't Do This
ARIANA
A loud scream tore through my lips. Enzo was holding my hand, he was sitting behind me and my back was against his chest. I had been in labor for more than twelve hours. And even when I was really close to giving birth, I was exhausted to the point that I couldn't push with all my strength. With another push, I fell in Enzo's arms.
“Ariana! You need to work with me here. I know there was a breach and your husband insisted you having a normal birth. You are very close. You can not back away at this point. You need to gather your strength and push.” The doctor was shouting at me. The baby was breached a few hours before I went into labor. And it wasn't Enzo's idea to have a normal birth. I was the one who refused to get a C-section.
They said they would only numb half of my body. And perform the C-section. But the fear in my heart remained the same. Last time I was in a hospital operating room with a baby inside my belly, they ripped the baby out of my belly mercilessly and they almost took away my motherhood. If it wasn't for the woman who decided not to take everything away from me.
The thought of losing another child made my heart beat faster with fear. “Ariana! You need to calm down. If you start to panic, your baby will surely bear the consequences. I know you don't want to hurt your baby, Ariana. You need to calm down.” The doctor tried to calm me down. But the information she gave me only made me more anxious. My chest started to hurt. And I couldn't breathe. It felt like I was gonna die.
Just then, Enzo cupped my face and made me look at him. “Rina! Focus, baby. I know, it's all so scary. But I am right here. I am right here with you.” Enzo whispered softly while gazing into my eyes. I gulped hard and a sob left my lips.
“I can't do this. I don't think I can do this. I am not strong enough.” I cried against his chest. The nurse came to me with a glass of cold water. She tried to make me take a sip. Although I was thirsty and my lips were completely chapped, I still pushed her away, almost knocking the glass from her hands.
“Ariana, listen to me. You are the strongest woman I know. The woman I couldn't break, but she broke me and pulled something good out of the devil's chest. If anyone can do it, it's you.” He whispered and I just listened to him talk to me, motivate me.
“I am trying. But I am not strong enough. I don't want to hurt our baby. I feel like I am going to hurt him. Please, o don't know what to do.” I cried against his chest. He didn't push me away. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me and embraced me.