Chapter 10 Beautiful Soul
Carlos took me inside and led me to the room. I headed straight for the bathroom, desperate to wash away the disgust I felt in my body. I turned on the warm shower, letting the water cascade down, hoping it would cleanse both my skin and my mind. As the water ran over me, thoughts of Brad invaded my mind, twisting my stomach in revulsion. I grabbed the soap and sponge and started scrubbing vigorously at the places he had touched, trying to erase the lingering filth that clung to me.
Tears began to well up in my eyes as I continued to scrub, the pain in my body a mere distraction from the deeper hurt in my heart and soul. I pushed harder, the scrubbing becoming almost frantic as more tears streamed down my face. Each drop felt like a release, but it wasn’t enough to wash away the memories that haunted me. I closed my eyes, letting the water mix with my tears, hoping to drown out the echoes of what had happened.
I still can’t believe I almost got raped. The thought of Carlos not coming to save me makes me wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t. More tears streamed down my face as I felt the urge to scream at the top of my lungs, but would that really make me feel any better? Would it change anything? It felt like I was trapped in a cycle of despair, each thought pulling me deeper into darkness. I wanted to scream, to let it all out, but the reality was that the pain was still there, lurking just beneath the surface, waiting to strike again.
I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself, focusing on the warmth of the water cascading over me and attempting to let go of the pain that clung to my heart. Just then, a soft knock on the door broke the silence, followed by a familiar voice that brought a flicker of comfort. "Are you okay?"
I paused, taking a moment to calm the storm inside me, trying not to sound like I had been crying. Clearing my throat, I forced a lightness into my voice, saying, "Yeah, I’m fine."
"Do you need help in there?" he asked, his tone laced with concern.
"No," I replied firmly, though a part of me craved his presence.
"Are you sure? I’m not gonna touch you in places you don’t want me to," he assured me, and I could hear the sincerity in his voice.
I hesitated, caught in a web of emotions, before finally saying, "I’m fine."
"Okay," he responded softly, and I resumed washing myself, the water soothing my frayed nerves. Once I was done, I splashed my face with cool water, hoping to erase any trace of my tears.
Wrapping a towel around my body, I stepped out of the bathroom, my gaze fixed on the ground, acutely aware of Carlos watching me. When I finally lifted my eyes to meet his, I saw his gaze linger on me, filled with unspoken understanding. "I will give you some space to change. I’ll be right outside the door if you need me," he said, his voice gentle and reassuring.
I nodded.
As he walked out of the room, I sat on the edge of the bed, feeling the softness of the towel against my skin. The fabric felt comforting, almost like a gentle embrace, but my mind was racing with questions. Why was Carlos being so nice to me? He wasn’t like this before; maybe he was just pitying me or maybe he just felt bad for not being there for me.
Not wanting to think further about it, I decided to dress up. I put on my nightie and I took a deep breath, trying to shake off the unease swirling in my chest. When I walked towards the door and opened it, I found Carlos standing there, his presence filling the doorway. "You can come in now," I said, my voice steady despite the flutter of nerves.
He nodded and stepped into the room, his gaze steady and reassuring. As he crossed the threshold, I couldn’t hold back my gratitude any longer. "Thank you," I murmured, my voice low like a whisper, almost afraid to break the moment.
Carlos looked at me, a hint of disbelief flickering in his eyes as he took a step closer. "Come on, Nala, don’t disrespect me by telling me thank you. I’m your husband; I have to protect you." His words wrapped around me like a warm blanket, igniting a sense of safety I hadn’t felt in a long time. Maybe I had misjudged him from the beginning.
"I’m really sorry I wasn’t there for you, I should have never let you off my side. I’m sorry." he continued, his tone gentle yet firm.
"It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault," I replied
"It is." He sighed heartily before continuing "Anyways, it’s getting late, so I suggest you just go to sleep,"
"Okay," I replied softly, walking to the bed. I laid down, the sheets cool against my skin, but sleep eluded me. I closed my eyes, willing myself to relax, but as soon as darkness enveloped me, flashes of Brad surged through my mind, pulling me back to reality. I shot my eyes open, my heart racing and panic setting in.
Carlos rushed over to me, concern etched on his face, and asked, "What’s wrong?"
I hesitated for a moment, feeling the weight of my thoughts, before I finally replied, "I can’t sleep."
"Sure you can. Lay down, and I’m gonna be right here next to you," he said, his voice steady and reassuring. I hesitated for just a second, unsure, but his insistence made me feel safe. I laid down on the bed and he gently took my hand in his. He flashed a small, warm smile that wrapped around me like a comforting blanket. "You don’t have to think about what happened; it’s in the past, and I’m here with you now. You should try to get some sleep. I’ll be sitting here watching you until you do."
"You don’t have to do that," I said quietly, my voice barely above a whisper.
"I want to," he replied, his sincerity shining through, making me feel a little lighter as I closed my eyes. I feel a lot better with Carlos by my side. His presence seemed to steady my racing thoughts, offering a refuge from the storm within me. I definitely misjudged him, he’s not as bad as I thought he was, he’s a beautiful soul and maybe, just maybe living with him won’t be that bad.