Chapter 58 The Cost of Desire
THE HALLWAY was silent. Everyone went back to their desk when Mr. Blackwood walked away coldly after firing two employees. Lena could still feel the fragments of shame brought by the malicious rumors and whispers about her past. She felt small.
"Are you okay, Lena?" Clara asked, holding her hand.
She looked at her. "Clara, I'm sorry for not telling you about myself."
Clara groaned. "Why are you sorry about that? It's your privacy. That's not something you should apologize about. To be honest..." she paused. "I should be the one apologizing because I asked you so many questions about Lucian Moretti. I just realized earlier why your name sounded so familiar."
Lena's throat tightened. Her eyes burned as she shook her head. "Clara, you put yourself in the middle. You shouldn't have done that."
"I'd do it again," Clara said firmly, frowning. "You don't deserve their filth, Lena. You don't deserve to be bullied like that. None of it. They're so unprofessional."
Lena just bit her bottom, unable to think what to say. Because honestly, she knows that this incident will change some things in the company. Their treatment. Their opinions.
And she knew rumors had a way of spreading, no matter how quickly they were cut down, it will spread, probably not loudly, but in silence. And that...is more dangerous.
AS LENA returned to her desk, her mind was in turmoil. Clara's kindness warmed her, but it also reminded her how fragile her life had become. A single rumor, a single slip, and everything could shatter into pieces. One painful word. One accusation. One realization.
Terrence's words echoed in her head. Those two women representing the whole nation laughing at her past, judging her after listening to one-sided story, pushing her to depth of shame, burying her until she's crushed.
Was she selfish for clinging to Lucian? Was she risking not only her own safety but his future, too? Did she deserve to be loved again?
Her hand trembled slightly as she sorted through the incoming calls, taking in a deep breath, forcing herself to work properly. She thought of Lucian's smile, his vows, the way he had made her feel free, his laughter, his smile, the way he looked at her. She thought of Angel, who deserved a mother untainted by scandal, who deserved a better future.
And then there's Viktor, his looming shadow, the promise she had made, with him the man whose power could crush them both if he discovered the truth.
A betrayal more dangerous than the fire she's playing with Lucian.
Right! Mr. Blackwood is right. She should know what to sacrifice and what to save.
The rest of the day passed in blurry, each hour weighed down by the silent battle inside her, keeping her distracted, messing with her thoughts. She wanted to run to Lucian, to hold him, to lose herself again in his burning love. To tell him how this world is hurting her too much, making her want to give up on their love. She wanted to tell him everything. She wanted him to punish those people who claimed that she doesn't deserve a second chance, that she doesn't deserve his love.
But Terrence's words haunted her. It was creeping in her senses, forcing in a realization she had been avoiding.
And by the time the clock struck five, Lena felt like she had lived three days in one. She felt exhausted. She felt burned, spent. Her spirit was so down.
She knocked on Mr. Blackwood's door before she entered. Miss Winnie was busy in her table, and the others had already left.
Mr. Blackwood was wiping the lenses of his specs when Lena entered. He lifted his face to her and wore his specs again before he leaned back on his swivel chair.
"What is it, Miss Mendoza?" Mr. Blackwood asked. Folders were piled on his table. Neat and organized like they hadn't been touched.
Lena bit her bottom lip and sigh, before she spoke. "Can we talk, Mr. Blackwood?"
"If you came here to ask me to take back my words about firing those women, you're just wasting your time," he said, eyes never leaving her face. He was staring at her as if he's trying to study her face.
He's handsome, hot and all, but there's nothing on him that makes her feel different just like what she feels towards Lucian. Although she's a bit uncomfortable around him, it's only because Mr. Blackwood had slowly entered her world by discovering her past as a prostitute.
"I won't ask for something like that," Lena answered.
Mr. Blackwood signaled her to sit in front of him, so she did. His fingers were tapping on the smooth surface of his working table, eyes were fixed on hers like a camera, trying to record everything, lips sealed into a grim line, and an unreadable expression.
"Then, why do you want to talk?" He asked. He didn't sound curious. He sounded strict.
Lena swallowed hard. "I...actually want to thank you. And I think they deserve it."
His brows shot up, there was a hint of amusement in his eyes but they immediately vanished after a second. "They deserved to be fired?"
"Yes," Lena answered, not thinking twice and almost like a whisper. "They created malicious rumors about us. It is unforgivable and unfair."
Mr. Blackwood's jaw tensed. "If you think it's unfair, why didn't you confront them and fight back?"
Lena stared at him, lips pressing before she spoke. "I don't want to create a mess in a company that hired me after getting multiple rejections."
"Fair enough," Mr. Blackwood said. "And here I am thinking you felt guilty. I was wrong. You're welcome. If that's all."
"Uhm..." Lena bit her bottom lip, her fingers pinching her palm. "About my relationship with Lucian..."
"What about it?" He asked, shifting on his seat like it interests him.
Lena looked down. "Why do you people...think I don't deserve a second chance?"
Mr. Blackwood didn't answer, so she lifted her face and looked at him. He was staring at her, brows furrowed, like he didn't like her argument, but she didn't ask that for him to like.
"Is it because of my past?" Her voice was hoarse and close to breaking. "Is it because I'm older than him? Because I have a daughter? Because I was...a prostitute?"
Mr. Blackwood's jaw clenched. "Those are not the reason, Miss Mendoza." His tone was dark and cold. "You are involving yourself with two Morettis. Worse, they both desire you. Father and son. Isn't it alarming?"
Lena sucked her breath. "I-I don't love Viktor. I don't want to marry him."
"Does he know?" It wasn't a question. It's a challenge. Like Mr. Blackwood wants her to tell him about it to end the problem.
She swallowed hard. "I'll tell him..."
Mr. Blackwood didn't answer. He just stared at him as if he was thinking about something. Lena didn't wait for his response. She pulled herself up and slightly bowed her head. "That's all. I'll go ahead now, Mr. Blackwood. Thank you for listening."
Lena stepped out of Mr. Blackwood's office. Miss Winnie looked at her with furrowed brows, but she just bowed her head and went to her table. She gathered her bag and walked away, her steps slow, her chest heavy.
She didn't know what tomorrow would bring, but she knew one thing for certain, every choice she made now was no longer just about her.
It was about Lucian and Angel. About freedom and chains, love and sacrifice.
And she feared that soon, she would be forced to choose. When day comes, she hope she's already strong enough to fight for what she deserves.