Chapter 16 Deny

Jae Hyun walked you home, carrying some of your paperbags. He put them down in front of your door before he said goodbye and goodnight. You watch him walk away before you punch your passcode.

The door clicked and you glance at the door next to yours. The lights in his doorstep wasn't on, maybe he wasn't home. You haven't seen him around the school after the scene on the cafeteria and now, he still isn't home.

You put the paperbags inside the studio, maybe you'll just wait for him to say your gratitude. You unpack the groceries and put them into places, you took out the pans, spatulas and knives you brought earlier and put them on the kitchen.

You'll have to save up for your fridge and television so you could buy them next time. You smiled at yourself when you glance at the things you bought today, you felt fulfilled seeing yourself slowly growing and standing on your own two feet.

You took a shower and wore your pajamas after cleaning your studio flat, you glance at the clock and saw that its past ten in the evening and you still haven't heard Taehyung come home.

You took Kara's diary and went to the couch to read some of her entries while you wait for him. But it's already past midnight he still isn't home. You started to feel uneasy and worried but you tried to comfort yourself that he just went home to his parent's house because his mom called him like the other times his mother did.

You went up and got ready for bed. You lay there awake as you think of your sister again then your mind goes to your mother you left at your house. Then your mind goes to him and wondered why he's almost impossible to see this days.

Your mind was already drifting away and your lids are getting heavy when you heard a shattering sound, like a glass breaking. You jolted and stood up from your bed to take a peek on your window.

You saw a man wearing black leather jacket swirling under the yellow lights of the street. He's drunk and his hand holds a bottle of beer while not too far away from him is a shattered bottle same with what he's holding.

Kim Taehyung dropped on the street, laying on his back. You run out of your flat to see if he was okay. He reek of alcohol when you got near him. His lids were heavy and almost closed while his mouth was open as he breathe through it.

You stood beside him, looking down at him, "You're drunk. What happened?" You asked but he slowly shook his head.

You knelt down beside him, "Get up, I'll walk you to your door." You said as you grab his shoulder pulling him slightly to help him stand up.

He shook his head and grabbed your wrist, he wipe it away from his shoulder. "Why did you leave me, Kara?" He said, his eyes now open.

You stopped breathing as you look at him. His eyes were bloodshot but you saw how soft he looks at you. And yet there's sorrow in it. You tried to shake your thoughts away, he's just drunk and you have the same face as Kara, it's normal if he can see your sister in you.

"Get up, Taehyung. You have to go inside your flat." You said as you grab his shoulders again, he slowly stood up but then he holds your wrist again.

"No, why did you leave me? Answer me, Kara. Please." He mentioned your sister again and it made your heart ache.

He looks at you with pleading eyes, like he's really seeking for answers. But when you didn't say anything, anger flashed in his eyes. "Why did I even met you if you're just going to leave me? This is all your fault!" He says as he push you on a concrete wall, pinning your wrist beside your head.

"Taehyung, what are you doing?" You asked in panic as you looked at his face just inches from you.

"This is all your fault, Kara. I miss you." He said before he leans down.

You grab his arm with your free hand, "Taehyung. This isn't Kara. This is me. It's Y/n." You said before he holds your head in place and kisses you.

Your eyes starts to water while you slap his arm. You felt him kissing your lips like he's been longing to do it for years. You tried to avoid his lips and close your mouth with force to stop welcoming his kisses but he's too strong. You turned your face to your side, you were crying as you felt how hurt he was. You cried remembering your Kara.

It wasn't right. You felt like you were betraying your twin. You felt so little. You are not Kara. And you will never be Kara.

"I don't understand what I'm feeling, Kara. I want to keep you here but she keeps on invading my thoughts. Help me, Kara. I'm getting lost." He whispered, almost pleading before he kisses you again.

You pushed his shoulder to make him stop but he only moved to kiss your cheek with almost butterfly like kisses. You cried, you didn't want to feel so little anymore. You wanted to be seen as yourself and not a memory of your sister.

"This is Y/n, Taehyung. This is Y/n." You sobbed.

Your cheeks were full of tears when you looked at him after you felt him stop. He pulled away and you saw his eyes looked at you. His eyes were full of guilt after realizing what he has done but then there was softness in his eyes.

You sob, "It's me. It's Y/n." You said, hoping to be seen as yourself and for him to stop.

"Y/n." He mumbled as he held your face and wipe your tears with his thumb.

It was like he's finally awake from his dream or a trance as he look at you. He acted like he's sober now even though he was so drunk just a second ago. He acted like there's not a single drop of alcohol in his system, far from what you saw earlier.

"I'm sorry." He said before he leans again, then you felt his lips on yours for the second time.

But this time it wasn't filled with force and longing, it felt like he's new to this thing and still experimenting, full of care as he kiss your lips lightly. You saw how his eyes flutter close, his long lashes kissed his cheeks and you couldn't help but to close your eyes too.

You knew he was aware that you weren't Kara. You knew he saw you as yourself and not your sister. You were sure about that and somehow, you liked it but you weren't sure why he was kissing you the second time around this night when he already knew you weren't your sister.

You felt his lips pull away from yours then he pecks your cheek before he put his head on your shoulder. You opened your eyes, you can feel your heart pumping so fast that you worried that he might hear it. Your cheeks flamed and you weren't sure why.

"Taehyung." You called him but he didn't budge.

You called him again but he still didn't budge. You tap on his shoulder until you heard his relaxed breathing. Did he actually pass out?

You tried hard to push him away from your body slowly and softly, he rolled over to the ground and you saw his sleeping face. You sighed, he dares to get drunk but he couldn't even bring himself home.

You rolled your eyes before you tried to pull him up to the ground. Your face scrunched as you walk little by little, he was heavy, his body almost hovered above your back when you wrapped his arm around your shoulder. You sat him down next to his door as you stretch your body.

You scratch your head, you don't know his passcode. Maybe he has a key? You tried to search his pockets, even the pockets inside his leather jacket but you didn't find any. The landlady gave you a key to your flat so he must have his own too.

Your eyes squints as you turn to the pot next to his door with a small plant in it. You raise it but found no key. He can't possibly hide it to the most obvious place ever right?

You slowly turn to his doormat before finally flipping it. Guess you over estimated Taehyung's intellect.

You woke up late the next day, you were running around your flat as you get ready for your shift today. Your eyes feel heavy after you get a sleep for only a couple of hour. You admit, that kiss kept you awake and wondering. And you almost curse yourself for waking up late and increasing the chance that you'll bump with him.

Because as much as possible, you didn't want to face him. You didn't want to face Kim Taehyung and have an awkward situation with him. But surely, he'll avoid you too right? Afterall, what he did last night is kind of embarrassing.

Or maybe he's forgotten it especially with how wasted he is last night. It's so unfair that you were sober last night and was the only one left to remember it. But on the other hand, it's actually fine and you can just pretend that everything didn't happen.

You opened the door, ready to leave when you saw him standing in front of your door, leaning on the rail that leads to the stairs. His eyes met your wide ones.

You held the knob tighter and just suddenly want to go back in your house and not attend your shift just so you won't have to face him. Your feet were frozen in the spot and what's worst is that your eyes moved to look at his red lips.

You closed them tightly as you try to shake the thought. The next moment you opened your eyes, he was staring at you blankly.

"What are you doing at my doorstep?" You asked awkwardly, praying that he won't mention what happened last night.

He tilted his head, "Where are you going?" He asked back.

"Work. Why are you up early? Don't you have hangover or something?" You said as you try to act normally and close the door behind you.

"You're working? I was so drunk last night and I wanted to say thanks for not letting sleep on the street." He said as he walk beside you.

You glance at him, he seems normal. Like he doesn't remember what he did last night. Or does he? "You don't remember what you did last night?" You asked.

He stares at you for a while before he shook his head. "I just remember laying on the street." He said.

"You need a ride?" He asked as he stop by his motorcycle that he left yesterday here.

You almost declined him when you remembered you were running late. In the end, you agreed but everything was so awkward. Like it's your first time riding on his motorcycle again. You were afraid to let your skin touch his like he'd burn you if you ever did.

Maybe what happened last night changed things for you and the way you see things. And you'll be the only one to see things this way because you're the only one left to remember last night.

And it's scary because you know something's growing inside your chest that you shouldn't pay attention to. It's a feeling you weren't supposed to feel amidst this chaos. You didn't want to feel it because you didn't want yourself to ask why you're feeling this way only to find out that you see Kim Taehyung as a man.

"Hold me." He says, glancing at you from his shoulder.

You gulped as you nodded. You encircled your arms tight on his torso. He removed his helmet when he parked outside the shop, he waited for you to get off and take off your helmet. He gazed inside the coffee shop.

"What time will you be done?" He asked, his eyes still not leaving the shop.

"Eight? It depends on what time we finish cleaning the shop." You replied.

"That's late. I'll pick you up later." He said, then he glance at you.

You tilted your head, "It's okay. My colleague always walk me to the bus stop anyways." You smiled at him.

"Everynight?" He asked again, his brow shooting up.

"Not really. Don't bother picking me up later." You said to stop the conversation there.

To stop whatever is growing inside your chest, you need to lessen your interactions with him. You need to stop him from making your heartthrob in an abnormal way.

"I'll pick you up later." He said like it's his final decision, you saw him throwing glares at you before he speed off.

He did mean what he said because he didn't even bother taking the helmet he lend you. And true to his words, thirty minutes before eight he was already in front of the shop.

Jae Hyun noticed him too and suggested that you should go home early today since someone's waiting for you. You didn't want to leave the shop early today, you wanted to finish your shift but Jae Hyun seemed like he already made up his mind as he push you towards the door of the shop.

You glared at him, "My shift isn't done yet."

"I'll cover for you." He said before he waves, flashing his dimple at you.

You shook your head at him before you went outside. Taehyung stood up straight when he saw you, "I wasn't done with my shift, you should've just went in and waited inside."

"Sorry, I'm just not a fan of coffee shops." He said before he ride on his bike.

"Where do you want to eat?" He asked, voice muffled as he speak with his helmet on.

You shook your head, avoid him. You have to avoid him and decline his offers even though he's oblivious as to why you're doing this.

"I'll eat at home." You answered, at first he stared at you and seems like he wanted to protest but in the end he just nodded.

The ride home was silent, nobody dared to speak, not even when you reach the flat. You got off his bike silently and put the helmet above the seat and walk towards the stairs that leads to the doors of your studio flat.

"Y/n." You heard him call your name, his steps following yours.

"Is there something wrong?" He asked that made you stop and turn to look back at him.

"There's nothing wrong. What made you ask that?" You tried to smile before you turn and continue walking towards the stairs.

"Then why are you avoiding me?" He asked, his voice sounds so confused.

"I'm not avoiding you." You answered him, not daring to look at him.

He caught your wrist and pulled you, your body turned and faced his. "Then look at me." He said.

He sounded so serious and concern that it made you want to look at him. But you're scared of what you'll feel again once you look at his eyes. You're scared that it isn't just about the intense feeling he's giving off or how intimidating he is. You're scared that this is more than that. You're scared that the kiss yesterday made you want more than that.

Your breath hitched when he cupped your face with his hands and lifted your chin up. Your eyes shined as the yellow lights reflected on them. You saw his eyes staring back at yours like he's in pain, like he's been in restraints for a long time, like he's searching for something inside your eyes.

"Are you denying it too?" He asked in a whisper. "Are you denying what you're feeling too? Because I do and I can't do this anymore. I can't deny this anymore, Y/n." He said, his teeth gritting like he didn't want any of this but he has no control of everything.

"I thought not seeing you would stop this. I thought not getting into your business would make it stop. I thought denying this everynight would make me forget about this. And I'm such a jerk for doing this but I'll stop denying this. I won't deny what I feel anymore." He said before he kissed you.