Chapter 52 - She’s Come Undone

Najmah tiptoed across the living room, hiding a package behind her back as she surveyed the area. Just as she placed her foot on the staircase, cheering victoriously for slipping in and out of the house undetected, she heard her mother call her.

"Waye ne ya zo ganinki?" (Who came to see you?) Hajiya Salma questioned crossly, folding her arms over her chest. Najmah swore in her head before turning around to face her mother.

Hajiya Salma looked rather displeased as she stared at her youngest who looked more annoyed than guilty at being caught.

"Fahad ne," (It was Fahad.) she replied, sucking in a breath.

"Fahad?" Hajiya Salma gasped. "Najmah are you in your right senses? How dare he come to see you? You refuse to give your husband a listening ear yet you have the time to talk to your ex? Has he no shame? He dares to come to my house to speak to you knowing that you're still married?"

"I called him here," she responded calmly. "I needed to speak with him."

"Of all the people in the world, you had to choose your ex fiancé to speak with? A criminal?"

"He's not a criminal Ummita, it was just a misunderstanding, and it's not like you gave me any choice anyway," she retorted, trying her best not to snap.

"Me kika ce?" (What did you say?) Hajiya Salma gasped, placing a hand over her chest.

"I said you didn't give me a choice. Fahad was the only person who was ready to give me listening ears when I needed it. Despite what you might think of him, he's a good person. He calms me."

"Can you hear yourself? Have you gone insane? Ya Allah!  How could you? How could another man calm you when you have a husband? Have you no respect for me anymore? Are you trying to tarnish our image Najmah? What will people say when they hear this? They'll think that you're...you're...inna lillahi wa inna ilaihir raji'un."

"That's the problem Ummita," Najmah threw her hands in the air, letting the package she was holding to fall on the floor. "That's the problem Ummita. You always think about what others will think but how about what I think? I don't care what society thinks. Society's views matter more to you than your own daughter's. Ummita you are so blinded, you can not see how pained I am. I am your daughter, not society. All you ever do is lay the blame on me even after I told you everything that transpired between us. I didn't ask to be kicked out of my husband's house, he sent me out. I am angry and hurt, but you are just so nonchalant about my--"

Her next words got stuck in her throat when she felt the sting of her mother's hand land on her face. She clutched her throbbing cheek and stared at her mother, tears flowing down her face.

"How dare you disrespect me? I am your mother for God's sake," Hajiya Salma seethed. "I am nonchalant? I carried you in my womb for nine months, I bore you, I nurtured you, and this is how you repay me?"

"I am sorry," she apologized before running up to her room, leaving her mother in a confused state. Not once had Najmah spoken to her in such manner so what was wrong with her? She eyed the package Najmah had dropped curiously, picking up the contents that had spilt from it. The two bottles of pills had her questioning herself. Was Najmah sick? Wasn't she over what had happened already?

{••}

"Hanifa ki gaya mani nace, wanne magani ne wannan? Me Najmah keyi dasu? Ba tada lafiya ne?" (Tell me, what kind of drugs are these? What is Najmah doing with them? Is she unwell?) Hajiya Salma questioned, thrusting the pill bottles into Hanifa's hands.

Hanifa knew without a question what those drugs were meant for, but she couldn't bring herself to answer her mother in law. If she told her what drugs they were, more questions would arise; questions she wouldn't dare answer.

Torn between answering her mother in law and breaking her sister in law's trust, Hanifa gazed at her husband, begging him with her eyes to save her.

"Ummi..." he began, but she raised her hand to halt his statement.

"Rufe mani bakinka, I wasn't talking to you." (Keep your mouth shut.)

"Ke Hanifa, tell me what drugs they are this instant. Don't try to deny having knowledge about what they are. Najmah could hide things from me, but she can never hide them from you, so I'm asking you one last time, tell me what they are!"

"She--"

The shrill chiming of the doorbell interrupted her and she was thankful for it, knowing that it will buy her enough time to think about what explanation to give.

"Saved by the bell," she muttered under her breath. "I'll go check who it is."

"Don't move a muscle," Hajiya Salma glared at her before turning her attention to Umar. "Go and check who it is."

Umar left the living room to open the door and came back together with Aslan and Lale who was busy shooting daggers at her brother.

After he was discharged from the hospital, she had accidentally blabbered to him about how she had seen Najmah at the hospital. Instead of going back home to rest, he had decided to go to Najmah's house even though she had flat out refused.

He had given her the choice of either going back to the hotel alone or tagging along with him and she had to obviously choose the latter; she couldn't let him go alone.

He greeted Hajiya Salma before sitting down on the sofa together with Lale who muttered a greeting under her breath, still obviously pissed about being there.

Hajiya Salma glared at Hanifa as if to say 'we are not done here' before calling out her maid to serve the guests with some refreshments.

"Aslan what are you doing here?" Hanifa asked.

"He came to see Najmah obviously," Lale rolled her eyes, pronouncing Najmah's name as if it scalded her tongue.

"Lalehan," he called out sharply, glaring at her. "Behave or leave."

"Okay fine," she huffed. "Whatev-"

A loud crashing sound halted her speech, and they all stood up, wondering what that might have been.

"What was that?" Lale questioned as another crashing sound tore through the house.

"What is happening?" Hajiya Salma questioned placing a hand over her chest, her heart beating wildly against her rib cage.

"Najmah!" Aslan exclaimed, dashing out of the living room. He knew that he was just a guest and shouldn't go about running in other people's home, but he was past caring, Najmah needed him. It was all that mattered then.

He ascended the stairs, skipping over some steps just so could get to her in time. He was grateful for making it up the staircase without falling, but now, he was in a dilemma; which of the four bedroom doors belonged to her?

Another crashing sound came from the second door on his right and without wasting any time, he made a dash for it.

{••}

'When you are sad, give yourself twenty minutes to feel it. When anxious, take deep breaths and stretch your body. When overwhelmed, take a walk around the block.' Those were the last words her therapist had told her.

When she woke up, she felt overwhelmed due to her panic attack, so she decided to go out and take a walk to clear her head, that's when Fahad called to tell her she forgot her pills in his car.

She went out and met him then they began talking, and she felt better afterwards. She went back home, abandoning her first mission.

Her little run-in with her mother had left her both sad, angry, anxious, and frustrated. The emotions slamming into her at once, leaving her frustrated and overwhelmed.

She had tried all the antianxiety tips, but so far, none was working and then she began to cry.

Tears rushed down her face like a waterfall, as she felt angry at everyone; Aslan for chasing after her, Lale for judging her, her mother for her ignorance, Fahad for being good to her, Hanifa for interfering, Abba for keeping quiet and lastly, herself for being indecisive and confused.

She took the bedside lamp and threw it on the wall where it shattered to pieces before picking up her clutch and throwing it on the vanity mirror. She knocked down the perfumes and cosmetics on the table down on the floor before gazing around the room, looking for something else to break.

The shattering sounds only fueled her anger and she knocked down her easels, splashing paint all over the room.

She sank to her feet and placed her bloodied hands over her ears to block out the noise telling her to continue what she was doing, telling her how insignificant she was and how she didn't deserve an ounce of love from anyone.

"Shut up!" she screamed, flinging a painting onto her bed.

"Najmah," he spoke, his voice barely a whisper, but through her haze, she was able to hear him. She raised her head and gazed at him, her breath hitching.

Something about the sight of her hunched over in the middle of the wrecked room broke his heart into tiny bits and pieces.

With a few strides, he was right beside her. He cupped her face in his palms then tilted her chin upward so he could see her eyes when she refused to meet his gaze.

She stared at him, shell shocked by his presence. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay," he rested her head on his shoulder, rubbing small circles around her back. "Breathe, I'm here now."

"I'm so sorry," she hiccupped, holding him tightly. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Breathe, you're having a panic attack. Just breathe, and it'll be over soon. Please breathe, II'm right here."

"Please don't leave me," she choked, her tears soaking his shirt.

"I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. I got you." Najmah heaved a sigh, refusing to let go of him, afraid he'd disappear from her sight forever. She knew without a doubt that their story would remain incomplete if they stayed apart.

She had told the world that she was over him, denied listening to his explanations despite her feelings for him. She had been angry and hurt by his decision because deep down, she knew there was no other man for her apart from him.

Aslan had accepted her into his life without reservation even before he had glimpsed at her and had taken her with her flaws. In the middle of her chaos, there was him.

Najmah had yearned so much for the moment she'd feel her hand in his and being in his arms at that moment, she knew she was home.

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