Chapter 51 - Dark Reality

Walking around the hospital hallways, Najmah felt a bit nostalgic as memories of the last six years of her life in there came rushing back. She had just came out of her therapist's office, where she had terminated her therapy sessions for good.

She knew it was a bit reckless on her part and a risk concerning her emotional instability, but it was a necessary risk she had to take. While her sessions had helped improve her condition, she knew that the fate of her recovery laid in her hands. She was able to fall in love with Aslan, that was a definite progress.

While she thought she might no longer need her therapist, she had asked the woman to write a new prescription for her just in case of emergencies.

Terminating her therapy sessions was a long time coming, and she could now address other issues with a clear mind now that it was off the plate.

She had made up her mind to give him a second chance, after all, they were still married and despite her obstinacy, she could not see a future for her without him in it.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

It was time to see the hidden knowledge behind those phrases.

{••}

"Lale?" she questioned, squinting her eyes to make sure she wasn't hallucinating.

Lale turned at the utterance of her name, shocked to see her soon to be ex sister in law.

"What are you doing here? Are you sick?" Najmah questioned warmly, moving towards her for a hug.

"Stop right there," Lale pointed a finger at Najmah ceasing her movements. Unadulterated rage filled her as she stared at the woman who was the reason behind her brother's hospitalisation.

"Are you happy to see me now when you've refused to see either of my family members for the last three months we've been coming in and out of your country? My brother has been following you around for weeks begging you to listen to him, but you denied him the chance."

"Lale please understand..."

"There's nothing for me to understand. All I know is that you are selfish and uncaring about the pain my brother is feeling. Is your ego really worth more than his explanations? Do you know what he went through just so he could be here with you? Do you know how he beat himself up day and night over the decision he made?"

"Lale, he..."

"He hurt you is that what you are about to say? Well, guess what? His decision not only hurt you but him as well. Your stubbornness has put him in a hospital room Najmah. My brother is in there because of you and believe me, should anything happen to him, you will have me to answer to."

"What happened to him?"

"So now you care? Why don't you go back home and be with your ex whom time and again you never forgot to shove his name in my brother's face and let us be hmm? When he's awake, I'll force the talaq out of his mouth so you could have the happily ever after you so desire."

"You can't do that," Najmah shook her head, horrified with Lale's words. Would Aslan really listen to his sister and divorce her?

"We'll see about that. When Aslan’s awake, he'll have to choose between his wife and his sister. And we both know who he's going to choose. After all, blood is thicker than water. He can always get another wife but another sister? I don't think so."

Najmah turned on her heels and ran out of the hospital, unsure of what to do. All she knew was that she had to get out of there before she caused a scene.

Lale was right, she was selfish. Aslan could have said the talaq three months ago, but he didn't, he could've said it all those times she had turned him down, but he didn't. Instead, he decided to chase after her. He could've had any woman he wanted, but instead, he was stuck with a pathetic SPD patient like her.

Najmah felt really sorry for herself, she shouldn't care about what Lale had said, right? The thought of Aslan divorcing her shouldn't affect her, after all, that was what she had wished for a long time ago, but it did. Never in a million years had she thought she was going to fall hopelessly in love with someone, but there she was, in love with her husband who wouldn't be hers anymore.

Her feet moved on their own accord as she walked out of the hospital gate, trying to escape her thoughts with no luck. The voices in her head grew louder and she desperately clasped her hand over her ears to block out the noise. The blaring car horns, the hawkers, people chatting as they walked around, every sound slammed into her like a brick.

She wanted to scream for them to shut up but her words died down in her throat and she did what made sense to her at the moment; she ran until her feet couldn't handle the stress anymore.

Fatigue caught up to her and she sank to her feet, breathing heavily. Torn between hating and feeling sorry for herself, she leaned against the trunk of a tree and inhaled then exhaled, over and over again until suddenly, she couldn't get enough air into her lungs.

She could feel the pressure building up in her lungs before the pain spread all over her body, her lungs constricting together as if being crushed by an invisible force.

She was choking, gasping for air, gasping over the pain that had spread over her body as her vision began to blur. She couldn't see nor hear, she felt as if she was being submerged under water, unable to breathe, unable to hear.

It was dark and silent for a moment before everything disappeared altogether.

{••}

"Subhanallah, are you okay?" She heard someone say.

Najmah’s lungs finally began to work again and she was able to breathe. She was confused and disoriented as she tried to recall what had happened.

"Najmah it's me." She heard the voice say again but it sounded so far away, so out of her reach.

"What happened?" she cried out helplessly, feeling overwhelmed by the emotions swirling in her heart.

"Calm down, breathe. You're going to be okay, just breathe."

Slowly, she opened her eyes and settled her gaze on the man beside her. His voice wasn't far away anymore, her vision was clear, and she could see normally again.

"What happened?" he questioned but she wasn't listening nor speaking, her brain was muddled, and she was unable to form any coherent word.

Breathe, she repeated in her head like a mantra as her breathing began to become shallow again.

"Take me home," she replied after a minute of breathing exercise.

"The hospital is just around the corner, you have to see a doctor."

"No hospital," she shook her head. "Home."

"Najmah..."

"Please," she pleaded, tears brimming at the corner of her eyes. "Take me home, I don't wanna go back in there."

"Okay."

Najmah stood up on wobbly legs and got into the car, feeling grateful that it was him who had found her instead of someone else.

{••}

On the ride back to her house, Najmah felt more like herself although she still felt nauseous from her panic attack, she was sure a good sleep would help get rid of that.

"What happened back there?" Fahad asked when he approached the gate of her house.

"I had a panic attack," she shrugged nonchalantly. "Nothing serious, it happens."

"Najmah," he warned, turning off the ignition of his car. "What triggered it?"

"I met Aslan's sister in the hospital, she told me that he got into an accident because of me and when he woke up, she was going to ask him to choose between the two of us. I just got overwhelmed and I panicked, it's nothing to worry about really. I am fine now."

"Why would she ask him to choose?"

"Uhm..." she bit her lip, unsure of what to say. If she told Fahad the truth about what she had used his name to do, he would definitely get angry and scold her. Thinking about it now, maybe she should've respected his name and not used him as a pawn to make Aslan jealous.

"She was just looking out for her brother," she shrugged, hoping that he would buy it. It was the truth, after all, Lale was indeed looking out for her brother. Maybe it wasn't the whole truth, but a little lie of omission wouldn't hurt anyone right?

"I see," he nodded.

"Thank you for everything Fahad, I would forever be indebted to you. I hope you find someone who would love you unconditionally, you deserve it. You deserve to be happy," she smiled then got out of the car.

She stood by the gate and watched until his car disappeared out of her sight before she pushed it open and step in.

Her pending divorce was something to think about for another day, but for now, all she needed was her bed and her pillow.

______________________________________