Chapter 43- Mama Knows Best

Kano, Nigeria Najmah lay numbly at her side, curled into a ball as she stared unblinkingly at the swishing curtains of her room. She was paralyzed with hurt, hurt that she had given him her all and now, she was left with nothing.

The second time they had kissed, he asked her to trust him; that he would never hurt her. Who would have thought that they were just empty promises. And for what? Just to have her high on his affection and leave her dry? What could she have done to deserve such treatment from him? He should have let her be, he should have divorced her when the time of their agreement had elapsed. But no, he didn't. He decided to toil with her emotions just to let her go in the end.

Everything he told her was a lie, and she found it hard to believe that she was so stupid to think that it was all true. She hated herself for wishing that he had followed her, that he had a good reason for doing what he did, but what could that be and why didn't he feel the need to let her know before taking such a drastic decision for the both of them?

The soft knock on the door was enough to jolt her out of her thoughts but not enough to make her move. She stared at it with disinterest before returning her gaze to the curtain. Whoever it was would eventually get tired of standing and walk away, she wasn't in the mood to see anyone.

"Najmah it's me," she heard her mother's muffled voice. "Open the door."

She released a shaky breath before rising to her feet, not minding her appearance as she padded towards the door.

She unlocked the door before stepping back to allow her entry then locked it after.

"Are you okay? Do you think you can tell me what happened now?"

That's when she broke down again, unable to utter a word. Hajiya Salma wrapped her arms around her and held her while she cried.

When she had no more tears left to cry, she began to narrate everything to her mother. From the first day, she arrived in Istanbul, down to everything that occurred between the two, never hiding a single detail from her except for the parts where they were intimate. When she was done, she laid her head on her mother's laps, feeling emotionally exhausted.

"I am sorry I failed you Ummita. I really tried to make it work after he persuaded me. Everything was going well until I fell down the stairs, he was even there when I had woken up and he was really concerned then. I don't get it Ummita, why would he tell me to leave? I am such a disappointment."

"No, you are not my child," Hajiya Salma patted her head lovingly. "This is a test from azzawajjal, and in shaa Allah, you will get through it. As for you being a failure, you are not. You never have been, and you never will be a disappointment."

"Why are you not scolding me,Ummita?"

"There is no reason for scolding Najmah. I know that you made a mistake when you agreed to end your marriage three months ago. I can not say that I understand what you have gone through concerning the terms of your marriage, but I only wish that you hadn't kept all these a secret from me. Najmah I am your mother and there is no one else in the world who would tell you the truth no matter how hard it is apart from me. I would have advised you to be patient and let things unfold naturally, but the deed has already been sealed, there is no going back."

"I know that Ummita, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Everything's going to be alright, you'll see. It's not the end of your life, it's just a phase and in shaa Allah, it will soon end."

"When Ummita? When will it stop? It still hurts, it's never gonna stop hurting."

"When you let go, when you stop holding on to what was and move on to what is; that is when. I know it's not going to be easy, but the faster you let go, the easier it will be for you to heal. You will scale through this in shaa Allah and when you are ready to let go and move on, know that we will be there with you every step of the way."

"Thank you,Ummita," she whispered, feeling content with their conversation.

A few days ago, she was depressed through it all, but now after her talk with her mother, she felt...she felt nothing. No rage, no empathy, no melancholy, not even apathetic, just content.

{••}

"Hey," Hanifa pushed through the door, sighing heavily. She sat down on the bed with a heap, discarding her scarf and bag on the floor.

"I come bearing gifts," she smiled at Najmah, taking out ice-cream bowls and cookies from the shopping bag she came in with.

"Sugar rush?" Najmah couldn't help but grin despite her condition.

"You got it Star," Hanifa stated, scooping a heap from her bowl.

"Now, tell me, what exactly happened?"

"That's the problem," Najmah shook her head. "I have no idea. When I woke up, he was sitting there all worried about me then he started grilling me about what happened. I told him to stop because my head was hurting and that we'd talk about it later."

When I was discharged, he wasn't there, so we returned home without him. I slept for a few hours then woke up and started packing our clothes since we were traveling the next day and that's when he came in and dropped the bomb on my head. I dunno how to describe what I was feeling then Adda, he called me a psychopath."

Hanifa drew in a breath, surprised with her calm demeanor throughout her narration. Maybe her talk with her mother was the reason for that, or perhaps it was the amount of chocolate she had ingested while talking but either way, she was glad about it.

"He looked me in the eye and called me a psycho-socio Adda, how could he? I trusted him, but he stabbed me in the back and then kept on twisting the knife till he felt it was okay to stop. What I am really interested about are the hows and the whys? We made plans Adda, we had our future mapped out together and then the accident happened and now, now there is nothing. I at least deserve an explanation for why I was being ditched right? But anyway that's that, I left just like he asked and I'd rather die than go back there."

Hanifa kept mum as she listened to Najmah's narrations. Something wasn't adding up. Why would he ask her to leave when a few hours before then he was worried about her safety? Could this be about the lady Najmah was talking with when she fell? Whatever it was, she would get to the bottom of it. But how would she? The husband lived in a country far away from them, and she was only a month away from her estimated due date, so traveling wasn't an option for her. She would have to wait, wait till she had put to bed before she starts looking for answers.

{••}

Istanbul, Turkey "Anne, I can't find Najmah," Lale burst through her mother's room, flailing her arms frantically.

"What do you mean you can't find her? Where is she?"

"I don't know Anne, I have a bad feeling about this. Her trolleys are there, but her laptop and phone are missing. I thought they left for their trip days ago without informing us, but now thinking about it, they wouldn't have left without saying anything."

"Your brother?"

"I haven't seen him since he walked out of the hospital and I can't reach his cellphone."

"I will try and call him," Ferah sighed. "In the meantime, I want you to go and look for him at the office. Try Najmah's cell too while you're at it."

"There is no need for that," Aslan spoke gruffly from the doorway. "I'm here already and Najmah's gone, I told her to leave."

Lale sucked in a breath, placing a hand over mouth.

"Why would you do that?" she ran after him, recovering from her shock.

Ferah was paralyzed with shock, her legs gave way as she succumbed to her bed, air seizing from her lungs. Why would he ask Najmah to leave?

"Aslan listen to me," Lale called out frantically, racing down the stairs. "What do you mean? Why would you ask her to leave? What is wrong with you?"

He got into the car and drove away, leaving her standing by the door shouting his name. His heart was in turmoil, he was in so much pain. He had no idea it would hurt that much when he made his decision. The decision was his, but he knew that his whole family would suffer for it.

{••}

"Sakinol canım," Mr.Faik tried to pacify his wife. "Crying will not solve the problem." (calm down dear)

"Where have I gone wrong? Have I failed as a mother to him again? Have I let him down again?"

"No, you haven't, stop saying that. Aslan has been through a lot in the past and maybe..."

"I know what he has been through but isn't that why you decided to get him married to her? Isn't that the main reason why you proposed the marriage for him? He let her go Faik, gitme sine izinverdi." (he let her go.)

"How could he let her go Faik? Tell me how could he?" tears pooled in her eyes. "After Bedia, he became more thoughtful about his actions. He became more sensitive about things, so why would he make such a decision without thinking about the consequences? If only I knew what was going through his head, I would have..."

"Nothing you could have done would stop him," he placed a hand on her shoulder. "Aslan made his choice."

"I know, but I also know that this choice he made would be his ruination. It'll ruin him more than..." Ferah choked, shaking her head. "We have to fix this Faik, we have to fix this. You remember what happened with Bedia, right? I can't go through that again, I can't. My frail heart won't be able to take it."

"Ferah..."

"I almost lost him Faik, he almost died then. If he goes down that road again, I don't know what I will do. I will die...," she hiccupped, burying her head in her palms.

"Shh," he rubbed her back soothingly. "No one is going to die. Aslan will not go down that road again okay? Trust me."

"You will bring Najmah back?" she raised her bloodshot eyes which were now swirling with hope.

"I can not do that," he shook his head. "Only Aslan could. He sent her away, he should get her back himself."

"Faik," she wiped her tears, taking his hands in hers. "The only solution to this is getting Najmah back here. She has to come back and save him from himself Faik. She is the only person who can bring back my son to me."

"Ferah," he sighed. "We can not be selfish."

"If being selfish is the only way to stop my son from being ruined, then I would gladly do it. If you won't bring her back, then I will go to Nigeria myself and bring her with me."

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