Chapter 2

I leaned against Jonas’s closed door for a few seconds before heading into my room. I closed the door behind me and flicked the lights on. The white lights brightened the room immediately and I headed towards my bed to strip out of my clothes and take a cold shower. My dick bounced against my stomach hard, and I stared at it while blinking slowly for a few seconds.

So I got a hard on for a gay guy…no big deal, right?

I was still straight as ever, I reminded myself as I picked up my folded towel and wrapped it around my waist before heading for the bathroom I shared with Jonas.

As the cold water pelted down my body in a heavy flow, I rested my head against the cold tiles on the wall while I stroked my hand over my dick fast. I thought taking a cold shower would deflate my erection, but instead, just the tiniest memory of Jonas sucking on my tongue and grinding his thigh against me was enough to make my dick rock hard all over again. 

I was already on the edge of an orgasm and needed just a little push to get to that white hot pleasure, but something was holding me back. I growled under my breath in frustration and stroked harder while picturing Eva, my girlfriend riding me slowly. That night had been one of the best nights of my life and that image alone had helped me get off more times than I cared to count. But for some weird reason, that image wasn’t doing shit for me tonight.

“Maybe it was because she wasn’t the one that gave you the hard on,” a part of my mind reminded me, but I shoved that voice aside as I stroked away at my dick. 

After stroking and achieving nothing for a few more minutes, I breathed out a resigned sigh, knowing just what my mind wanted me to picture.

“I’m sorry, Eva,” I thought to myself as I turned around and leaned my back against the cold wall. With nothing to block the incoming thoughts, one by one they crept in, starting with when Jonas first kissed me. I barely registered my hands flying over my dick fast. I breathed out raggedly as I felt like my whole body was on fire due to how tense and taut I was.

That moment where Jonas pulled my hair and kissed me while grinding his thigh against my dick flowed into my head.

“Oh God.” I bit my lower lip hard to stop myself from crying out when the long-sought orgasm finally washed over me in waves, sending tiny shivers right from the tip of my neck to the edge of my feet. I closed my eyes tight while stroking my hand over my pulsing dick, all the time breathing hard.

Once the shivering stopped, I felt extremely sated and drowsy. I turned off the shower and toweled myself dry before heading back into my room. Throwing on a light sweatshirt, I crawled into my bed and pulled the sheets over my neck. I picked up my phone from the bedside table and saw two missed calls and a text from my girlfriend. I opened the text and read it immediately.

Eva: I wanted to just hear your voice; it was nothing serious. See you tomorrow.

The text was sent four hours ago. It was almost thirty minutes past twelve am now. Feeling a sudden pang of guilt dig its way into my chest, I typed out a response.

Andy: I slept a little bit earlier; we should hang out tomorrow. I love you.

I put my phone on the bedside table and dragged the sheets over my head. I’d make it up to her tomorrow and hopefully get my mind to understand the fact that I wasn’t fucking attracted to Jonas one bit.

Just as I was falling asleep, the blank look Jonas shot me after I told him I had a girlfriend left a bitter taste in my mouth. I sighed a little, my feelings were officially turned upside down all because of a kiss.

Hopefully, he’d been too drunk tonight to remember anything.

******

I was wrong. The blank look Jonas gave me before walking past me towards the fridge to dig out his chocolate made me wince a little.

I should probably apologize, I said to myself.

Apologize about what? That I was sorry I told him I had a girlfriend? But I do have a girlfriend for fuck’s sake. Then why the hell am I feeling guilty for admitting to having a girlfriend?

Fuck, this shit is so confusing.

He drank his usual cup of orange juice before rinsing the cup and loading it into the dishwasher. He left the kitchen without saying a thing to me.

I swallowed a little, trying not to burst into tears. He had barely acknowledged the two plates of pancakes I had laid out on the table. Since I moved in two weeks ago, I had been making him pancakes because I had them almost every morning and Jonas was just too lazy to make breakfast.

So each morning, he went out for his usual morning jog while I took a bath. He’d get back, take a shower, and I would already be making the pancakes by then. I loved making all my food if I could. He’d get ready for school, eat pancakes with me, then we’d leave the house together if we both had classes that morning.

Without realizing it, that routine had kind of grown on me in the past two weeks and seeing him walk out the door without a backward glance left a surprisingly weird feeling behind.

It kind of... hurt. It hurts. 

Taking in a deep breath, I scrubbed my hand against my face and sat down on the table to eat my own food. His untouched food mocked me and reminded me how I had managed to push away the one guy I liked spending time with. I looked forward to breakfast with him. It was always lively since Jonas was a very carefree person who always pointed out the fact that he thought my blush was adorable.

He sometimes pulled on my cheeks if he teased me about something and I grew hot with embarrassment. I’d scowl with irritation and bat away at his fingers, which I already knew were coming to pull on my hot cheeks. Somehow, he had managed to grow on me.

The bastard. I scowled at the pancakes sitting on his side of the table before pushing out of my seat and picking the plate up. I shoved the pancakes into the bin and rinsed the plates before arranging them in the dishwasher. Returning back to my seat and cutting a bite of pancake, I realized that I had lost my appetite along with my mood which had been shitty since I woke up.

I pushed the pancakes around for a little bit before giving up and tossing them into the bin. I cleaned out the kitchen, went to my room to grab my things, and then headed out, locking the door behind me.

******

“So I agreed to work for them for at least six months, that way I could watch and see if it affects my studies. If it doesn’t, I’ll extend it to a year. I’m not doing it just for the money but for the experience and to add it to my resume.” Eva, my girlfriend of six months rambled on and on about the proposal she got from the school clinic.

Eva was dressed in a blue jumpsuit which brought out her blue eyes. I’ve always found Eva beautiful and today was no exception. She had her down, and the cute curls stopped in the middle of her back. Her nails were painted nude, which matched her sandals. After replying to my text this morning, she agreed to hang out with me after classes this evening, which I was a hundred percent grateful for.

I needed to hear her light voice which fit her personality so much. I needed to see her pretty smile and feel that tightness I usually feel in my heart every time she smiled at me. I needed all those things to remind myself that I was doing perfectly fine without Jonas and that I wasn’t one bit gay since I was still very much attracted to Eva.

I grabbed her hand across the table and squeezed it a little. She stopped whatever she was saying to me and smiled wildly at me. I felt that same fondness I always felt for her. There was nothing to be worried about.

Nothing was wrong with me. I wasn’t gay all of a sudden because my newest roommate turned out to be a hot piece of cake who happened to eat, sleep, and breathe rainbows.

Wait, did I just admit to myself that I actually found Jonas hot? The thought alone made me panic enough to squeeze a little too hard on Eva’s delicate fingers.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Eva asked softly.

I breathed out slowly. Nothing was wrong, nothing was weird. I was just being paranoid for nothing.

Women find each other hot without feeling anything sexual for each other, right?

That’s probably what’s happening to me. Jonas was hot, there was no use denying it. With shoulders broad enough to shield me from anything, lips just the right amount of fullness, and curly hair that was always falling into his face like noodles…and those outlined abs. I’ve found myself wondering if they were cold or hot to the touch. With three or four piercings in his ears and one in his lower lip, he was one devilishly handsome man.

Wait... do women think that way about other women? I was sure as hell that a tiny part of me would still kiss Jonas if I was given the chance.

“Andy?”

I shook the thoughts out of my head and forced a smile for the sake of my girlfriend. “I’m fine, I was just thinking about something.” 

“About what? Is it serious?” Eva pushed. Her concern was plain as day on her flawless face. 

Oh Eva, you don’t know how serious it is. I don’t know if I’m gay or not. I’m scared as fuck.

I wanted to say those words to her, but I knew I couldn’t. I wouldn’t dare. With a small sigh, I forced a smile on my lips and dropped a light kiss on her hand before reassuring her, “I’m doing just fine, it’s nothing. Yeah?”

She hesitated for a moment as if contemplating if I should be believed or not before nodding her head. “Alright. If you’re sure it’s nothing.”

She lifted her coffee and took another sip before launching into another rant about what she was expected to be doing at the school clinic. I tuned her out, glancing half-heartedly around the cafe.

It was 7:30 p.m. and I realized that I really should start heading home since my eyesight was very bad at night. Eva was already planning to leave anyway, so we walked out of the cafe together while holding hands. The wind was starting to pick up, but I was sure it wasn’t going to rain since I always listened to the daily forecast. 

Eva’s best friend owned a car and had already promised to come pick Eva up once we were done with our date. I watched as Gabriella pulled up three blocks away from the cafe. Gabriella and I had only met a handful of times, but we were pretty cool with each other. We’ve crossed paths a few times at school and waved at each other, but that was about it.

“My ride’s here,” Eva announced as she turned towards me, smiling widely. I stroked her hair and tucked it behind her ear. Eva was 5’7 which made me quite tall beside her. I cupped her cheeks between my hands and kissed her lightly. I lingered a little bit until we both pulled away, grinning like teenagers who just had their first kiss. With our foreheads pressed against each other, I whispered quietly, “Talk to you later?”

She smiled and nodded her head a little before whispering back, “I love you.”

“You too, cakes.” I dropped a light kiss on her grinning cheeks before watching her walk towards her friend’s car. She stopped beside the passenger’s side and waved at me before disappearing into the car and zooming away.

I turned around and headed towards the bus. Jonas had a black Ferrari, and he would drive me to school most mornings, and if our schedules allowed, sometimes back home. I sighed as I stopped next to a few people who were also waiting for the bus.

It wasn’t like my parents couldn’t afford a car, hell no. My father owned more than five cars while my mother had at least three that I was sure of. I don’t know if she’d gotten more since I started college.

I remember whenever I’d bring up the topic of a car to them, my mum would either burst into tears at the end of the argument or she’d storm away from me and lock herself in her room. Meanwhile my dad would explain to me how it wasn’t reasonable for me to have a car as a student even though most of my mates owned cars in school.

Their reasons were not selfish though. Ever since my only brother lost his life in a car accident one drunken night, my parents made it clear that I would not be making the same mistake. My brother was in his last year of college when the accident happened. I was still in high school, but as my parents’ last remaining child, they said that nobody was above being corrupted. I could easily be influenced to do drugs or drink and then drive, which everyone knew was dangerous. 

I’ve tried convincing them countless times, saying that I was nothing like that, but they just wouldn’t listen. So for now I was stuck with public transport until I graduated. To rebel against them, I told them if they wouldn’t give me a car now, then I wouldn’t accept any cars from them when I graduated. Instead, I would use my first ever salary to buy myself a car.

The bus finally pulled up and everyone rushed in and soon every seat was occupied. I plugged my air pods into my ears for the drive.

When I got home, I inserted my key into the door and tried to turn it, but it wouldn’t budge, which only meant one thing. Jonas was already home, and I’d have to knock for him to come open the door.

I took in a deep breath before knocking twice. I bounced on my toes when I got no reply.

Before I could knock again, Jonas’s deep voice washed over my whole body when he asked who it was.

“It’s Andy,” I replied breathlessly.

The door opened immediately, and we both stood motionless while staring at each other. He was in sweatpants that hung low on his hips and had a black bandanna tied around his head, but nothing more. I swallowed and glanced at his abs quickly before landing on his blank face that seemed to be watching my every move.

No greeting smile, no words of welcome from him…just nothing.

“Um, hey,” I said tentatively as I stepped inside and closed the door behind me. 

“Hey,” he replied quietly before heading into his room and closing the door.

I breathed out a sigh. What was I supposed to do now? Follow him to his room and tell him I was sorry? Only I didn’t even know what I was sorry for in the first place.

I headed into my room to drop my stuff off and changed into a light shirt. I contemplated how I was going to go about fixing my still-new friendship with Jonas.

We were friends, right?

In the sitting room, Jonas was sitting cross legged on the floor with a game controller in his hands. I wasn’t a fan of games, so I didn’t understand what was happening on the screen.

The game sounds were a little bit louder than normal tonight. The characters on the screen clashed and clanged and groaned as they died. It was like Jonas was doing everything possible to not talk to me.

Well, I guess it was all on me now.

The game continued and when the animated gamers erupted in applause, I knew that that Jonas’s team had won. Now was the best time to talk to him, otherwise I’d have to wait until he was done with the second round. I knew enough about online games to know they couldn’t be paused.

“Jonas?” I asked after wetting my lips a little.

“Andy?” he replied without glancing at me.

“Um,” I started to say before trailing off. I didn’t even know what else to say.

Jonas waited a few more seconds before continuing, “Is it about your MacBook? It’s on the desk in my room; the doors open.” 

That wasn’t why I started this conversation, you moron. I wanted to scream at him before shutting him up with a fierce kiss, but instead I rubbed my wet palms against my pants and tried to continue.

“No, that wasn’t why I wanted to talk to you. You see...” 

Jonas cut me off this time, “Can we do this later? My next game starts in ten seconds.” He didn’t bother glancing at me, but instead cracked his knuckles before the next game started.

Of course, Jonas was going to make this as hard as ever for me. Bastard. I scowled at the back of his head and got comfortable on the chair by tucking my legs beneath me and resting my head back.

The sounds of shooting guns and characters dying filled the whole room and that was how I drifted off to sleep on the sofa. The last picture in my mind was Jonas’s lips pressed against mine.