Chapter 1

“Isn’t he pretty?” Jonas asked gruffly while pointing at my MacBook screen. I shrugged my shoulders in reply, not knowing how best to answer.

Are guys even supposed to be pretty?

I shifted on Jonas’s bed, wincing a little when the shuffling movement made the bed creak.

I glanced sideways at Jonas and watched as he took another long swig from the beer in his hand. His bottle was almost empty while mine was only halfway done because I was feeling so nervous.

“Chill, Andy. It’s just a movie,” Jonas said bumping his shoulder against mine while grinning.

“Yeah, just a movie,” I repeated quietly before taking a huge gulp of the beer that I clutched in my sweaty fingers.

Just a gay movie, nothing more.

The dude that Jonas referred to as pretty did have a nice smile. I wasn’t sure what the character’s name was because I could barely focus on the scenes. All my attention was on my roommate, Jonas, the whole time.

Jonas was three years my senior and would be done with school in a year, unlike me. I still had three more years to spend in school. At 6’3, Jonas could be considered extremely tall. I was only 5’11, which was not that impressive at all.

“Hand me a beer, please?”

I jolted a little when I felt Jonas’s warm breath ghost over my ear before disappearing in the next second. I took a deep breath to stop my heart from racing. Shuffling towards the edge of the bed, I picked up a beer from the ice bucket and handed it to Jonas before returning to my position.

Jonas smiled at me before popping the cap open and taking a long swig, unconsciously reminding me to drink mine. I thumbed my blonde hair which was falling into my eyes away from my forehead and tried to focus on the movie this time.

After about five seconds, my eyes unconsciously left the images playing on the screen and instead focused on Jonas’s side profile.

The only light in the room was coming from the movie on the MacBook’s screen, which meant the whole room was dark. I’ve never minded the dark, but for some weird reason, being in an almost dark room with Jonas was making me nervous and excited at the same time.

Nervous because I’ve been straight my whole life until a few weeks ago when I started to question whether I was really straight or not, and excited because I knew he was gay. A tiny part of me prayed that something happened between us tonight, and that thought alone had me on edge.

The light suddenly brightened from the screen before going almost out, which made me whip my head back to the screen immediately, which made me let out a tiny cough. 

I swallowed nothing at the scene on the screen. A moment ago there were three men drinking, but now only two remained and they were locked in a tight embrace. It almost seemed like they were going to kiss.

Do guys kiss on set? Come to think of it, I didn’t know gay movies even existed until my roommate pointed it out to me last night. Out of curiosity, before falling asleep, I booted up my MacBook and looked up gay movies. 

Surprisingly, millions and millions of movies and series options came up. I clicked on the first one that caught my eyes but chickened out five seconds into the movie. Instead, I cleared my browser history out of guilt and prayed to God for forgiveness before finally drifting to sleep.

“What’s wrong?” Jonas asked beside me. I knew he was looking at me, so I didn’t dare take my eyes off the screen.

“Nothing,” I replied without looking at him.

Still feeling his searing gaze on the side of my face, I took a mouthful of my beer, and acted like everything was perfectly alright with me.

Just then, the men in the movie locked lips and started kissing heavily. The mouthful of beer I was about to swallow went the wrong way which made me choke and gasp for breath.

Jonas was beside me immediately, thumping my back while I coughed and gasped. Tears leaked from my eyes, but after a few minutes, the coughing fit died down and I was able to breathe without gasping for air helplessly. 

I dabbed at the corners of my eyes with my white handkerchief, feeling my face grow hot with embarrassment. The show had already stopped playing, and the screen wanted us to click on a new episode, but neither of us moved to do it.

“You alright?” Jonas asked, his fingers lightly stroking the skin beneath my hairline. I bet he was doing that unconsciously.

I glanced at him for a fleeting second, forcing my eyes not to wander past his face since he was naked from the waist up. I’ve never had a problem with shirtless guys, but for some stupid weird reason, being this close to a shirtless, gay man who just happened to be my roommate was kind of disturbing. I felt guilty for taking a peek since it was wrong.

“Yeah,” I replied, then winced again when my voice broke due to the coughing fit I had just had.

“Want to reschedule movie night to tomorrow? You should probably rest your head after what just happened,” Jonas said before withdrawing his fingers from my neck.

I tried not to reveal my disappointment and shrugged my shoulders. So much for hoping he’d make a move at least.

Maybe he was respecting my wishes; I could remember perfectly the first day we moved in. He told me he was gay, and I told him immediately that I was straight and there was no way I was interested in guys.

I shuffled to the edge of the bed and stood up, not bothering to take my MacBook since I wasn’t going to be working on it tonight.

“But I was supposed to complete the dare.” I wet my dry lips with a flick of my tongue.

Jonas only laughed before replying, “You didn’t seem like you were enjoying the movie anyways! You were nervous the whole time.”

“I wasn’t. It’s just a movie,” I argued immediately, scowling slightly. I don’t know why the thought of him thinking I was too chicken to see a gay movie was making me feel less of myself.

“Of course. So tomorrow night it is, then. You should rest tonight, though,” Jonas continued before drinking the last of my beer. I didn’t miss the way he licked the edge of the bottle with his long, pink tongue. He smiled at me when he caught me staring at him, and I turned away immediately, embarrassed.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

“I guess you’re right. Maybe I do need to rest. I had a pretty rough day at school today,” I mumbled over my shoulder as I stood up and picked up my handkerchief and stuffed it into my pocket. My whole body felt like it was boiling because I still had my hoodie on. I knew I should have taken it off before starting the movie, but I only had a white tank top on beneath the hoodie which would have been hella uncomfortable. I was already such a nervous wreck, and the hoodie let me shove my hands into my pockets to hide my trembling fingers at certain points.

“I could tell you looked really stressed anyway.” Jonas pushed up to his feet until we were only a few feet apart from each other. I headed towards the door that led into the small adjoining hallway with my heart almost in my mouth. I knew it was pretty obvious to him how nervous I was, but I was really thankful he didn’t mention it. Lord knows I would die of embarrassment if he did.

I went to pull the door open when his hand went over my head and landed on the smooth surface, holding the door in place. I shifted my weight from one foot to another, then froze when Jonas’s second hand landed on my shoulder lightly.

He tugged on my shoulder a little and I found myself turning around willingly like a puppet being controlled by his master. I glanced up at him once I was facing him and swallowed before ducking my head back down. Color flooded my cheeks when I saw him watching me closely.

“Good night,” I squeaked out nervously, not knowing what to say when the silence dragged. The blank MacBook screen had already gone to sleep which left us in almost total darkness, save for the shining moonlight coming in through the open window. It illuminated Jonas’s eyes a little, but other than that, I couldn’t see anything.

I felt Jonas’s right hand, which was resting on the door, drop to my head softly before caressing my hair lightly. My eyes shot wide open, and I glanced up at him immediately. My breath was coming out hard and fast. His second hand, which was still resting on my shoulder, glided upwards until his left fingers were buried in my hair and stroking the roots of my hair slowly.

It felt like I was going up in flames and couldn’t breathe properly. What the hell was happening to me now?

I’ve always been repulsed by the thought of being this close to a gay man, but here I was, with my gay roommate who was very out and proud with his fingers buried in my hair. Yet I was doing nothing. I was trying to convince myself to push him off me and punch him in the face. I remembered clearly when I told him I was the complete opposite of gay.

Just push him off and remind him you’re straight, I said to myself before shaking my head a little. His fingers ceased their dance on my head, which was starting to affect my poor senses.

“Um,” I started to say quietly. But before I could, I felt Jonas’s warm hands cup my cheeks to raise my head up before his lips descended towards mine.

Blood roared in my ears and my heart beat faster. Part of my mind already registered that he was kissing me, while the other part was urging me to push him away.

He pulled on my lower lips with his teeth before sucking the skin into his hot mouth. My eyes slid shut against my will and before I knew what was happening, I was kissing him back hungrily. But at the same time I tried to keep my hands from wrapping themselves around his neck, which would be weird since I’ve never been in this kind of position before.

The girls I’ve kissed before were always shorter than me which meant their hands went over my neck while I clutched their waist.

Jonas lifted his lips away from mine and my eyes flew open immediately. I licked my lips tentatively and before I could blink, Jonas’s lips wrapped around my tongue, sucking it into his mouth.

It was at that point that all hell broke loose. The first wanton moan that night broke out from my lips while my hands wrapped themselves around his neck as we kept on kissing. I didn’t know what was happening to me and why kissing Jonas felt ten times hotter than kissing a girl.

At the thought of a girl, my girlfriend’s beautiful face flashed in my head, and I pulled away from the kiss immediately. Guilt seeped its way into my heart and left a sour feeling in its wake.

I was panting heavily as I shoved my hand into my pockets and looked anywhere but at him. Though it wasn’t like I could really see anything else since it was so dark.

“I’m not gay,” I muttered quietly, unable to voice those three words out loud the way I’d been doing in my head for the past week.

Jonas stayed quiet for a few seconds before pressing himself into my body as he replied thickly, “But you want me.”

I shook my head immediately. My throat went completely dry. “I don’t—”

Jonas moved his thigh up and rubbed it against my dick. My hardness made me made me forget what I was saying. Instead, I muttered a quiet “shit” as my head fell back against the wooden door.

Jonas’s wet lips ghosted over my exposed throat while his thigh kept grinding against my dick. I was so hard and leaking precum in my boxer shorts. Moans I didn’t know I had in me escaped my parted lips helplessly, one after the other. I grasped his wrist tightly when it felt like I was floating in space and falling at the same time.

I felt a small shiver slide down my body when he licked the part on my neck where my pulse was vibrating. He stopped and sucked on that particular spot. He trailed his lips lightly upwards until they were over the shell of my ear. He whispered, “You want me, don’t you?”

I heard what he said clearly, but I couldn’t answer because I could barely understand what the hell was happening to me. Why the fuck was I currently enjoying a guy’s strong thigh gyrating over my dick, instead of being irritated?

His thigh suddenly pulled away from my cock and he dug his hands into my hair. He pulled on the strands a little before slamming his mouth over mine hotly. I moaned into the kiss and realized to my horror that I was unconsciously seeking friction for my dick on his thigh. I tried to stop my hips from moving on their own but when Jonas’s long tongue swept into my mouth and brushed against mine, I lost the fight again. Instead I grabbed his biceps to keep myself from falling as I chased an incoming orgasm.

Jonas tugged on my lower lip for a second before letting go. We stood pressed tightly against each other, breathing heavily against each other’s wet mouths. When I realized that I was the only one still chasing pleasure with my hips, I stilled them, embarrassed. I tried not to move an inch, worried that I would chase the feel of his body against mine again.

“You want me, right?” Jonas asked against my lips. I took in a deep breath and breathed Jonas’s scent in. He smelled like a particular cologne and chocolate. It was a really amazing smell, I thought to myself before mentally smacking my head. Why am I breathing in his scent? I wasn’t gay, I reminded myself.

But I know for sure that straight men don’t kiss guys, and they don’t get turned on by them. 

I took in a deep breath again before answering the question. “I’m straight, so I can’t want you.” 

Jonas remained quiet.

“And besides, I have a girlfriend.” I decided to add the last part to help me remember just how bad I was being.

I almost wanted to take those words back when I felt Jonas take a huge step backwards. I wanted to tell him that I was only bluffing to see if he was going to swoop down and kiss my brains into liquid. But deep down, I knew I had made a mistake by agreeing to watch a gay movie with him, and I had made a bigger mistake by allowing him to kiss me.

“I guess you should head down to your room then,” Jonas spoke up. His voice was no longer quiet. I wanted to kick myself in the balls for ruining whatever was happening, but another part of me was glad he didn’t try to kiss me again. I knew I wouldn’t be able to think the moment he got those wicked lips against mine.

“Yeah,” I replied quietly. Shoving my hands into my pocket, I watched Jonas head back towards the bed and tap on the MacBook to turn the screen back on. The dim light illuminated his face and he bent to pick up a beer from the bucket of ice. His black curls almost covered his eyes, but he pushed them away as he sat back up. He drank deeply from the bottle. He wiped the back of his palm against his lips before glancing in my direction. 

I felt our eyes lock for a heartbeat before I whirled around and left, closed the door behind me softly.