An Unexpected Apology
The payroll seems to be taking forever. My mind is overwhelmed, my thoughts constantly scattering in a thousand different directions until I can’t seem to form a coherent sentence. It doesn’t help that Jackson is currently delayed in L.A. and we have barely communicated.
When Finn suggested to me that Jackson and I start dating with no sex when he returns from his trip, I burst out laughing. Chemistry has certainly never been an issue, I’d responded. “Exactly. Take that out of the equation and spend some time getting to know each other properly. Go for a meal, talk about random shit, go home.” Finn’s words run through my mind on an endless loop.
I know we agreed to take a step back in our relationship. Everything happened so quickly and was beyond intense right from the night we met, that it seems logical that we go back to basics. But I can’t help but feel anxious. He’s across the pond surrounded by people he’s built a life with. What if he changes his mind and decides not to come back?
“Argh!” I let out a disgruntled sigh and slump back into the soft leather of the office chair. I need to get a grip. My internal monologue is interrupted by a soft tap on the door, and then Devon pops his head around the door frame.
“Kat, there’s some dude here to see you.” I love Devon’s Aussie accent and when he says the word ‘dude’ I find myself mentally lying on Bondi Beach on a hot sunny day.
“Supplier? Rep?” I ask with a frown. There’s nothing in my diary.
“Nah, says he’s a friend of Jackson’s. Looks kinda familiar.”
I wrack my brains for who it could be and why they would be turning up unannounced, but when I come up blank, I mutter several expletives.
“Send him in,” I groan. This can’t be good. While I might have patched things up with Jackson, I did walk out of his friend’s wedding in a slew of expletives.
A moment later a familiar face walks through the entrance to the office. Chase. He grabs a chair from against the wall and sets it down directly across the table from me, then sits in it. Just like Jackson, Chase is a master of the blank expression, so I have no idea what is going on in his head. It becomes a bit of a waiting game between us, a battle of wills, to see who will be the first to break.
“I’m sorry.” Chase’s words are completely unexpected.
“S-sorry?”
He leans forward and rests his elbows on the desk, then forms a steeple with his hands. “Yeah. For the stuff Cara and Lisa said and, you know, sharing the video. I realise it was a completely dick move.” I’m struggling to come up with an appropriate answer. I mean it’s not like he needed to apologise for the girls; what they said was on them.
“It’s fine,” I respond in a neutral tone, almost laughing when a look of incredulity crosses Chase’s face. I decide to take pity on him. “Look, I don’t apologise for who I am. Sure, getting shitfaced and climbing up on the bar was not the greatest move but you are probably not the only one who had their camera out. I’m sure there are several videos of me doing stupid stuff on the internet. I usually don’t give a shit because it’s not like I’m hurting anyone.
“But I guess I reacted the way I did because, for the first time in a very long time, I actually cared what people thought of me. I wanted to make a good impression—I know you’re all more like family—and for you guys to like me. When I heard what the girls were saying…” I pause. I hate exposing myself like this. “Let’s just say it was hard to hear, okay?”
“Jeez, I thought you were going to tear me apart,” Chase chuckles. “It’s taken me weeks to work up the nerve to come and apologise, and here you are just shrugging it off like it’s nothing.”
I let out a giggle of my own. “I don’t hold grudges, Chase. There’s no point, it’s just toxic and I don’t need that in my life.” Okay, I may hold the occasional grudge but that’s for people who abandon me when I need them most and this certainly doesn’t count.
“You sure? You’re not doing that girl thing where you say everything is fine but you’re just biding your time before you stick the knife in?”
“Nope, waste of time and energy,” I confirm with a genuine smile. It’s true—there’s no point. If I want to be in Jackson’s life, then I need to put aside my shit. I would never try to get between him and his ‘brothers’.
Chase stares at me intently for a minute before pushing himself off the table to lean back on his chair. “You know, you are not what I expected at all, Kat,” he says cryptically.
I can’t help but take the bait. “And that was?” I’m pretty sure I know what’s coming.
“Some ditzy bartender who beds the rock star, so she has a story to tell her friends or sell to the tabloids. Typical groupie behaviour.”
I cock my head, a little insulted, but then remind myself that the only time Chase saw me before the wedding, I was drunk off my face and making a spectacle of myself.
“I mean, don’t get me wrong, you're fit, you seem like you know your stuff behind the bar and everything, but I wasn’t expecting this.” Chase gestures to me and then around the office.
I attempt to repress a laugh when I realise what he’s saying but fail miserably and am quickly overcome with an attack of the giggles. I know that I look like an absolute state. Today is my office day, so instead of my usual uniform of tank top, skirt or painted-on jeans, and heels, I’m dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a baggy hoodie that has seen better days. My hair is twisted up in a messy top-knot that has a couple of pencils stuck through it, my reading glasses give me a slightly startled, owlish expression and I’m also wearing my sparkly pink Crocs. Add to that the fact I’m surrounded by various files and working on a particularly complex spreadsheet, and you would be hard-pressed to see the sex kitten I make myself up to look like on the nights I work behind the bar.
Chase looks slightly uncomfortable. He probably thinks I’m taking the piss, so I take pity on him. “Look, Chase, I’ll let you in a little secret. I dress the way I do when I work behind the bar because I get good tips and occasionally a good fuck. It’s who I am. But I also have a degree in Business Management and own half the bar. My partner, Finn, manages the staff and all the front-of-house stuff while I do the boring office stuff he hates. It works for us. I’m not upset because you’ve drawn the same conclusions that everyone else does. It’s the image I prefer to project; it keeps people from getting too close, okay?”
I’ve said far too much, so I shut my mouth and bite my lip to keep any more secrets from spilling out.
I think Chase gets the hint because instead of delving deeper, he shrugs and lets out a deep, throaty laugh. “You are definitely one of a kind, Kat. I can see why Jackson is head over heels in love with you.”
“Umm…” My throat dries up. It’s one thing for Jackson to say it in the heat of the moment as he comes inside of me, but quite another for him to tell his friends. Oh. Fuck. I didn’t think men discussed their feelings. My cheeks heat as my brain scrambles to come up with something reasonably coherent. But before I can say anything, Chase speaks again.
“Just…just don’t break his heart, Kat. I know there’s been some shit between the two of you. He’s not gone into detail or anything, but I saw how it affected him when you walked out of the wedding and he didn’t know where you were for two days. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the guy come unhinged like that, okay? And then he’s been moping around for the last month like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders and I can’t get him to tell me why.”
“I don’t think I could ever break his heart,” I say earnestly. Come on, I know Jackson has feelings for me, but we’ve only been seeing each other for a little while. I pose no danger to his heart. I don’t realise that I’ve muttered those last words out loud until Chase snorts.
“Um, I think you will find you have major sway over the beat of Jackson’s heart.”
I can’t help but chuckle. “Let me guess, you write the lyrics?”
Chase runs a hand through his light brown locks as a slight pink tinge rises in his cheeks. Before I can say anything else, Chase glances at his watch and then gets to his feet. “I like you, Kat. I’ve not seen Jackson get like this over a girl, for a very long time, probably not since we were teenagers, so I hope you are going to be around for a while. I know the girls were complete bitches, but do you think you could look past that? I have a feeling Jackson would be prepared to give up the band if you asked, and I would really miss my best mate…” Chase trails off.
“I would never ask that of him.” My words are measured and firm.
Relief crosses his face. “I gotta go, Kat. Got a meeting in half an hour. But I hope we will see you again soon.” He looks at me hopefully, and even though the thought of having to repeat an event like Brody and Cara’s wedding sends a wave of anxiety through my belly, I nod my head and give a reassuring smile.
“Sure. And feel free to pop in here anytime. Drinks tend to be on the house for friends,” I say with a wink.
Half an hour later I’m still reeling from my conversation with Chase. To be perfectly honest, I never expected anyone to come down here and apologise. I mean, sure, the girls hurt my feelings and Chase was a bit of an arsehole to pass the video around, but I’m just Jackson’s bit of stuff. Surely he must have had relationships like this before? The guy is super-hot and amazing in bed, so I can’t imagine he didn’t get around while on tour. I let out a sigh; torturing myself like this is not doing my head any good, especially when Jackson is so far away. Instead, I pull a file towards me and make a start on going through the invoices that need paying.