Chapter Six

Wednesday night, Tabitha was already out of the door by six-thirty, determined not to be late. She’d been practicing her knots all week and she could tie pretty much all of them, but not behind her back or in the dark just yet.

When she arrived she could see several people busying themselves with brooms and chainsaws in the floodlit compound. She watched for a moment, feeling her stomach churn and a faint tremble inside. Mentally she stiffened her backbone, then she slowly climbed out of the car and stood in the semidarkness, unnoticed, for about ten minutes.

“Hey, Tabitha,” Jesse yelled from the door of the shed. “Come on into the crew room and I’ll find you a locker.”

She was barely in possession of a shiny new metal locker when Louise and Isabella both tapped her on the shoulder.

“You came back. We were afraid you wouldn’t,” they said in chorus.

“I gave it lots of thought. I want to do this, but I don’t know how good I’ll be at it.”

“You’ll do great. We’ll see to it,” Isabella replied.

“Do I just hand in the forms to PJ?” Tabitha asked.

“Yep. Come on. We’ll go with you,” Louise said, already heading out of the door.

PJ smiled when she handed him the completed forms. “So you thought about it then, and still wanted to be one of us?”

“Yes, PJ. I want to be one of your crew.”

“Do we kit her out tonight, PJ?” Louise asked with barely contained excitement.

“Yes, kit her out, and she can go on the exercise as well,” PJ responded, already filing her paperwork.

“Come on, Tabitha, let’s get you all set up,” Louise said.

The two girls almost dragged her down the passage into another room lined with wall-to-wall shelving. Tabitha had never seen so many pairs of boots and orange overalls in her life.

“Now, what size are you?” asked Isabella.

Tabitha felt that familiar sting of acid in her stomach. She hated having to tell people what size clothes she wore. Shame washed over her and her first instinct was to turn tail and leave.

Without warning, Annie popped out from behind the rack of shelves. “Her bum is smaller than mine, and so are her boobs. I reckon she would be a size or two smaller than me. You don’t want them tight… Here, try this on.” Annie chucked a pair of bright new overalls at Tabitha. “Do you have a big head?”

“What?” Tabitha exclaimed.

“For your helmet, love,” Annie replied with a cheesy smile.

“Oh, okay. I wear a medium-size hat.”

Tabitha struggled to get the overalls on. They were tight over her backside.

“Hey, Tabitha, take them off. They’re no good,” Annie yelled as she disappeared for a moment behind the shelves. “Here. Try these.”

Another pair of overalls flew across the room. By now Tabitha was red-faced and flustered as she struggled to extricate herself from the encasing orange material. She wished herself anywhere but here, in this crowded room, with three strangers helping her to find something to fit. This time she slipped the orange overalls up over her hips and easily slid both arms in and buttoned up the studs. She felt comfortable. She looked at Isabella and Annie for confirmation.

“Yep, all good,” Annie said, nodding to express her approval even as she reached up to pull down some boots. “Now, boots,” she said.

“I’m a size eight,” Tabitha stated before she was asked.

“They’re not elegant, but they’re protective, keep your feet warm and dry mostly. PJ expects them to be kept polished. And to finish off,” Louise announced, “all you need is a pair of leather gloves.”

Johnno stuck his head around the door. “You lot finished preening? We’re about to head out on an exercise. Isabella, you’re responsible for Tabitha. Find a seat for the two of you in five forty-five.”

“Five forty-five?” Tabitha asked.

“Yeah, the big truck. You’ll see the number on the side,” Louise said as she took Tabitha’s arm and hurried her outside.

The truck seemed huge when you were standing right next to it, and even bigger when you had to climb up the step and haul yourself inside. Tabitha felt self-conscious in her very bright, very clean and very new overalls. Everyone else had stains and dirt on theirs, which signaled their experience and their belonging. She felt very much the newbie. Phillip drove while Eddie rode shotgun in the passenger seat and Tim sat on the other side of tiny Isabella, squeezed in the middle.

“So, Tabitha, have you done anything like this before?” Phillip asked as he drove the truck out onto the road.

“No.”

“Well, you might end up being a casualty tonight,” Philip said.

“What?” Tabitha squeaked in alarm.

Everyone laughed at her shrill response.

“Don’t panic, Tabitha. It just means you will be one of the ‘victims’ that lie on stretchers and get rescued.”

“Oh. What will I have to do?” she asked.

Eddie glanced over his shoulder. “Pretend to be injured. Paul will tell you what injuries, and then you hide. We have to find you, do first aid and get you back to the truck safely. We’ll be using the local school grounds,” he said.

At the site, Paul took her and Isaac—another newbie of a couple weeks—aside, and gave them the injuries they had. He then instructed them where to hide. Tabitha climbed the steps slowly to the first-floor balcony and hid in the alcove as directed. Cold sank into her bones as she sat on the concrete slab with her pretend broken leg and nasty gash to her head and waited to be rescued. At first it was very quiet, and she began to wonder if she’d been abandoned, left out here in the cold and dark. Then she heard yelling.

“SES! Can anyone hear me?” Over and over again they called. They were getting closer.

She waited the required time, then yelled out in a weak and quivery voice, “Help me. Please, help me.”

Everything went silent. She yelled out again then heard numerous voices in response, but couldn’t identify any of them.

“I hear something.”

“Up there.”

“SES! Can you hear us?”

“Help me,” Tabitha croaked out again.

The rumble of boots on the metal stairs was thunderous.

“Hang in there. We’re coming,” Jesse shouted. A moment later his head appeared around the corner of the balcony.

“Check the area’s safe, Jesse,” Johnno instructed while they all waited at the top of the stairs.

When Jesse had determined it was safe, they all streamed toward her—Isabella, Jesse, Johnno, Annie, Tim and Louise.

After pretend introductions, Isabella explained she was the first-aider and asked about her injuries. These were suitably treated to make her ready for transport. Tabitha was beginning to enjoy herself as Isabella fussed over her, and she watched the other guys ready an orange plastic stretcher with a blanket and ropes.

Isabella put a helmet on Tabitha’s head and safety glasses on her face. “She’s ready to be transported, guys,” she advised the waiting crew.

The guys brought the stretcher closer.

“Now, Tabitha, we’re going to lift you into the stretcher, cover you with a blanket and rope you in so you don’t slip out of the stretcher on the way down the stairs.

“Down the stairs?” Tabitha blurted out. “You’re going to carry me down two flights of stairs?”

“Yep,” Johnno replied as he grinned down at her. “Never fear, for we are here,” he said, his hand on his chest.

“But I’m too heavy for that…” Tabitha protested, ready to jump to her feet.

“Shhh, Tabitha, you’re the casualty,” Isabella soothed.

“But…”

“No arguing. Besides, Tabitha, they’ve carried me before and I’m heavier than you,” Annie chipped in.

“Yeah, heaps, Annie,” Jesse cracked back. “But no more than Phillip or Timmy. Don’t you mind, Tabitha. We can manage easily. Just relax and let us do our job.”

Tabitha shrugged. “Okay,” she said.

With her reluctant agreement, they proceeded to lift her into the stretcher. Isabella explained what was happening as she was wrapped in a blanket and a rope was wound around her then tied securely to the sides of the stretcher. She could hardly move. As she lay there, the six crew members moved into formation around the stretcher.

Johnno called, “Ready. Lift.”

Suddenly she was above the ground. Isabella was by her head and she explained each move.

“Forward,” Johnno yelled.

Astounded at the ease with which they maneuvered along the balcony, around the corner and down two flights of stairs lugging the stretcher between them, Tabitha lay there surrounded by the group, grinning. This was fun. She felt secure and safe in the mobile stretcher, and her admiration for these people grew even more knowing that they did this for real.

At the bottom of the stairs, they placed her stretcher on the ground and took a quick breather before it was up and off. The huddled group crossed the assembly ground, rounded a building then moved toward the gate at a fast walk. At the truck, they laid the stretcher down, and Paul did a quick check of the knots and trappings before they released her and helped her to stand up. Looking over her shoulder, she saw the other team, led by Eddie, round the corner of another building. They immediately became the subject of some good-natured ribbing, which the second team deflected with a couple of funny retorts. There was no animosity.

Isabella showed her how they packed things up, and where the equipment went in the truck. She stressed that everything had to go back in working order and in the right place, so they were there in an emergency. Tabitha felt exhilarated as she helped push the stretchers back in the trays at the rear of the truck. The combination of cold air, laughter, workmanship and camaraderie was intoxicating.

“Right. Back to the unit. Good job, everyone,” Paul said.

After they made everything shipshape in the unit compound, they had a short meeting before being dismissed. As Tabitha went to leave, Eddie tapped her on the shoulder.

“You coming to the pub for a quick drink?” he asked.

“Ummmm…”

“Yeah, come on, Tabitha,” Jesse and Isabella urged in unison.

“You gotta celebrate your first night out,” Jesse continued.

“Okay.”

The bar was small and noisy, as pretty much the whole crew crowded in and ordered drinks. Tabitha stuck to soft drinks because she was driving, but nobody noticed, or cared.

“So, Tabitha, tell us what you do in the real world?” Eddie asked as he opened his beer.

“I’m studying to be a vet nurse, and I work at a vet clinic part-time.”

“Wow, busy girl. So, what brings you to us?” Eddie asked.

Tabitha took a sip of her drink then looked around at these new friends. “I was so impressed with what you guys did at our place the other night I wanted to be part of it. You see, I’ve been a bit unhappy with my life for a while, and I was looking for something to inspire me.”

Eddie, Tim and Johnno all started to laugh.

“And we inspired you?” Eddie asked through his chuckling.

Tabitha looked at him and grinned. “Well, the girls did.”

Louise, Annie and Isabella giggled.

Louise patted Eddie on the back. “You didn’t really think it was you, did you, Ed? Your face ain’t pretty enough.”

Eddie spluttered into his beer. “Awww, now you’ve dashed all my illusions of being the unit pinup boy.”

“Never mind, mate. You don’t need a pretty face to swing Big Bertha,” Johnno said as he patted Eddie on the shoulder.

“Yeah, and a good thing too,” Eddie muttered.

Everyone laughed and the conversation moved on. Nobody made a move to leave until the clock on the wall chimed midnight and the bartender had begun to clean up behind the bar.

* * * *

She hadn’t been on Facebook since her suicide attempt, and only answered or replied to phone calls and texts from people she knew. Her parents were very protective and watchful of her every mood and action. So far there had been nothing from Amelia and no sneering messages from acquaintances about the disgusting photos on the bogus profile. Jaclyn had sent flowers and a card, but she’d heard nothing more from her. She guessed that fledgling friendship was dead.

Alex would call or come by a couple of times a week, and she soon came to rely on his contact and the warm feelings of love and security his support fostered. Only with Alex was she able to let down that perpetual guard she had always surrounded herself with, and it was a lovely relief. He was always interested in what she had done at SES on Wednesday nights and always encouraging her to get out and about. Although he never pushed her about returning to college, she admitted to herself she was still hiding from the real world, and struggling to accept the reality that she could not hide from forever.

Soon—all too soon—she would have to face the world again. Face her nemesis. She cringed at the thought and wondered if she would ever be ready to cope with that. To some small extent, knowing what motivated Amelia helped her to see that her bully’s action were more about Amelia’s own problems than Tabitha’s inadequacies or appearance. Unfortunately she didn’t believe for one second that it would help her face it without crumbling.

She never ever wanted to be so miserable again that she considered suicide an option. Deep down she hadn’t really wanted to die, so she accepted how very lucky she was not to have ended up dead. At the time she had been so embroiled in the massive misery she was experiencing she hadn’t really thought through the consequences of her actions. She’d just wanted the pain to stop—not necessarily to die. Unfortunately, she had not been able to see any other way through, her vision so clouded with pain, humiliation and powerlessness.

In the past weeks, she’d felt an easing of that powerlessness. Her acceptance within the tight-knit unit of the State Emergency Service and her growing confidence as she mastered new skills were just beginning to melt the lump inside and nurture something else, ultimately much stronger, but at this stage terribly fragile—self-esteem and confidence.

It was strange, but she felt content. As if that tightly wound acid wire that had always lain in her stomach had unwound just a little, easing the sting. But then, she hadn’t really been in a position to be bullied by Amelia for a few weeks now, so her new inner strength hadn’t been tested.

Last Wednesday PJ had given her a pager, which would advise of call-outs, and that made her feel like she really was one of them. It hadn’t gone off yet, but it was with her wherever she went. She had quickly become one of the team at the SES unit and was gaining confidence in doing the required tasks. She could tie all her knots, including behind her back and in the dark, and she had completed her first aid qualifications with the rest of the unit over one weekend. Tabitha laid her books aside and wandered down to the swing at the bottom of the garden. She swung idly back and forth, pondering her future. The sun was setting and the gully breeze was cool on her face. She closed her eyes and made a promise to herself. She would take the next step in her redemption and go back to college after the holidays, face Amelia and cope with the consequences.

Alex arrived about an hour later and plonked a kiss on her mouth.

“How goes it, Kitty Kat?” he asked after he had flopped into the chair beside her. “You’re smiling.”

She sat up and looked directly at him. “I’ve decided to go back to college after the holidays. It’s time I faced the worst of it,” she stated.

“Woo-hoo,” he yelled. “Good on you, my girl—so brave, so strong, and that’s why I love ya.” He leaned over and gave her a lingering kiss.

“I don’t feel strong and brave, Alex, just plain scared.”

He grinned. “You’re allowed to be scared. What do they say, ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’? That’s what makes you brave.”

She laughed then. “Oh, I feel the fear all right,” she said.

* * * *

A shrill screech snatched sleep away. She struggled to focus in the dark. A tiny square of light flashed by her bed as the pager demanded a response. Tabitha stared at it. She was afraid to touch it, almost as if it were a poisonous spider. It continued to screech.

“For goodness’ sake, Tabitha, shut that thing up. Make up your mind if you’re going or not,” her father shouted from her parents’ bedroom.

Tabitha snatched the small gadget up and read the message.

Car vs. house. Crew needed.

She scrambled out of bed, rubbed the sleep from her eyes and dragged on her clothes. With the car keys in hand, she slipped out of the front door into the darkness of early morning. In deference to her poor, disturbed parents, she let the car roll out of the driveway then took off toward the unit.

The lights were on and the truck was already out of the shed. She hurried into the crew room to find Eddie, Johnno and Jesse almost dressed in their overalls.

“Hurry up, get your stuff on,” Eddie said.

Tabitha dragged her overalls on, then her boots. She only did up a couple of studs, but by the time she’d grabbed her helmet and gloves the others had already left the crew room. As she struggled to hurry, she could hear them loading stuff onto the truck. She fumbled with her laces then grabbed up her gear and raced outside.

“Ready?” Jesse asked.

“Yes,” she croaked, her excitement and being more than a little bit scared making it hard to talk.

“Get on board then,” Johnno said.

Five minutes later they roared off into the night, the misty rain that had just started falling sprinkling the big windshield. Five forty-five roared up the hills and slid down the inclines, the exhaust brakes grumbling. Tabitha sat next to Jesse. He grinned at her. She grinned back.

“Excited?” he asked.

Tabitha nodded. “I’m a bit nervous too. This is my first call-out and I don’t know if I’ll be much use.”

“Don’t worry, Tabitha,” Johnno said from the front. “Just do as you’re told and stay out of danger. Even inexperienced hands are useful.”

They slowed as they entered a narrow suburban street. Eddie put the side running lights on to highlight the numbers on the houses, but halfway down the street they could see police lights flashing. A red sedan was wedged in the front wall of a brick home. The owners were waiting outside in their dressing gowns, and the police hovered around. In the distance, Tabitha heard a dog barking. Two police dogs whined in response as they, and their handlers, set off down the road.

They all stayed in the truck while Eddie went to do a recon of the situation. He wasn’t gone long. Apparently the police had finished with the car, so they could begin work. The driver had escaped unhurt and fled into the neighboring properties, but they expected to find him with the dogs and the helicopter hovering overhead.

“Okay, we need the lights, arrow props, ropes and the big tarpaulin. Once we get the roof supported, the tow truck driver will winch the car out. Then we’ll put in more props and tarp the hole.” Eddie opened the back of the truck and hoisted out a set of spotlights. “At least then the owners will be able to sleep for a few hours,” he said as he headed toward the house with an armful of equipment.

“Come on, Tabitha. Help me get these props out of the truck,” Jesse instructed as he opened hatches. “And mind, they’re heavy.”

Glad to know what to do, Tabitha helped slide the heavy metal poles off the truck and carry them to a spot designated by Eddie. They removed eight from the truck, then Jesse handed down the ladder off the roof. It was hard work. Even in the chill of night, Tabitha was sweating. She wanted to take her gloves and helmet off, but they were considered mandatory personal protective equipment. When they’d collected all the equipment, they stood back and waited. As her sweat dried, the damp air shivered across her skin. Eddie and Johnno were deep in discussion on the best way to proceed. Jesse walked around with the camera, taking shots from different angles before he went to join them, but Tabitha stayed where she was, knowing that, as yet, she had nothing to contribute to the discussion, and she didn’t want to get in the way or find herself in danger from falling masonry. She couldn’t help feeling abandoned and a little out of it as she waited. She knew it was illogical and forced down her instinctive response to being sidelined. It was barely ten minutes before Johnno waved her over.

“Tabitha, this is what we plan to do,” Eddie said as he indicated the house. “We’ll put props here, here and here to secure the roof. Once it’s safe, we need to move the loose bricks from the car and behind it so it can be towed. Okay?”

Tabitha nodded her understanding.

Eddie continued, “What I want you to do is hand us any tools, ropes and equipment we need. We’ll shout at you when we need stuff. I also want you to help each of us with holding the arrow props until they’re secure. We’ll tell you how and when. Okay?”

Tabitha nodded again.

“Then it will be your job to remove the bricks—just far enough to get the car out while we secure things. If we have time, we’ll help you. Got all that?”

“Yes, Eddie.”

“Good, Tabby. Let’s get started.”

Tabitha cringed at Eddie’s unwitting and casual use of the term ‘Tabby’.

“What’s the matter, Tabitha?” Jesse asked as they retrieved the first arrow prop.

“Nothing,” she replied.

“Bull. Tell me. We don’t tolerate silent angst on this team,” Jesse said.

Tabitha’s face flushed hot. She knew it was red enough for Jesse to see in the glaring light of the spotties.

“I hate being called Tabby—I get teased and called Tubby Tabby all the time by some people. I hate it. That and people singing ‘Cockles and Mussels’ under their breath when I walk past or calling me Fishbait and holding their noses.”

“Fair enough. I’ll tell Eddie, and we’ll have to come up with some other nickname for you. Just remember, Tabitha, nicknames are a form of acceptance, not teasing, in this outfit,” Jesse said with a grin.

She smiled back at him even as she struggled to tamp down her anguish. “Sorry for being difficult…”

“Don’t fret about it. Here, hold this upright till Eddie gets it adjusted,” Jesse instructed as he straightened the prop.

They worked for a good hour to get the roof secure. Then, as the three men finished securing everything, Tabitha began to move bricks. She was grateful for the gloves to protect her hands from the rough edges, and soon she was sweating again. There were a lot of bricks. She still had a few to go when the tow truck pulled up, and moments later Eddie and Jesse were working silently beside her.

With the path clear, the tow truck slowly winched the wedged car out of its tight spot. The car was pretty smashed and parts of the house wall scraped down the sides of the car, ripping the beautiful red paintwork off as it slid past. With the car removed, they added another arrow prop to secure the house and covered the gaping hole with the tarpaulin. As Johnno and Jesse finished off, Eddie and Tabitha loaded all the tools and leftover equipment back into the truck.

“Hop into the truck, Tabitha. Take five. Here’s some water. We’ve finished this task. You did a great job tonight,” Eddie said.

The praise from her team leader filled her with a warm, fuzzy feeling. She had done a good job even though her skills were limited. She’d been useful. Now she wished she hadn’t made such a silent fuss about Eddie calling her Tabby—the name had always cut her deep each time she heard it, but somehow she should try to be less sensitive. She wasn’t quite sure how, but she vowed to work on it. She was smiling when Jesse popped up in front of her with the camera.

“One shot for posterity and the unit website ‘cause it’s your first call-out,” he said, then proceeded to take several shots.

Dawn was just breaking as Tabitha pulled into her driveway. She sat for a while in the pearly light, absorbing the stillness, tired but content. With her first call-out under her belt, she felt she was truly part of the team, and having been told she’d done a good job filled her with pride. The hard shell she protected herself with and the coil of stinging fear that was her constant companion began to soften around the edges. Just a little.

She could hardly wait to tell Alex about her first call-out. He was almost as excited as she was and full of praise when she rang him later in the morning.

“I’m even a bit jealous, sounds like a real hoot,” he said.

“It was. Anyway, you could join, Alex.”

“Maybe later, Tabitha. The SES is your thing right now.”

“But—”

He cut her protest off. “No, Tabitha, I think you need to establish yourself as part of the crew. It’ll be good for you.”

She thought about it after he hung up and knew deep down that he was probably right. If he came along, she would immediately have a crutch and perhaps even a barrier to developing new relationships within the unit. It was a bit disappointing, but this was her chance to stand on her own, and she was happy Alex recognized that too.

* * * *

The following Wednesday night, Tabitha was fired up. She got there early and helped load extra gear into the trucks. Immediately after parade, they headed out for training drills. When they pulled up at the local shopping center, she was surprised, but there was no time to ponder as they began to unload the makings of a winch and a tripod, which allowed people to abseil.

She began to feel uneasy. Surely they weren’t going to expect her to abseil, seeing as he was so new. A sinking feeling gripped her as she looked over the railing at the long drop to the ramp below.

“So, you going over, Tabitha?” Louise asked.

Tabitha shook her head. “I don’t think so. I’m petrified of heights.”

“It’s perfectly safe, you know, and such a buzz. But if you don’t want to, that’s okay. Nobody forces anyone to do anything here, especially if you don’t feel safe,” Louise said.

Tabitha’s insides quaked. She shook her head again. “I don’t think so,” she said.

“It’s good to face your fears, Tabitha. Give it a go. We’ll be right beside you,” Isabella cajoled as she began strapping herself into a harness.

“Well, you won’t have a harness big enough…”

“Oh, yes, we do. Go on. Give it a go,” Annie urged as she dangled a purple and blue harness in front of Tabitha’s nose. “Probably scare the heck out of you, but you’ll regret it if you don’t do it. It makes you feel awesome when you do it for the first time. Doesn’t crush the fear, but brings it under your control.”

Tabitha looked from one to the other. These women had become her friends over the last weeks, even inviting her to a barbecue on Saturday. Suddenly she didn’t want to let these new friends down—or herself, she reluctantly admitted.

“Look, you don’t have to, Tabitha. Maybe next time,” Annie said.

Her stomach clenched and her hands trembled as she reached out and took the harness from Annie. “No, I’ll give it a go. I won’t be any less scared next time,” she said with a nervous chuckle.

“Good on ya, Pipi.”

She looked across at Jesse. He grinned, then popped his face behind the camera he held. “Told ya we would find a nick for you. Now smile—say cheese.”

“Pipi?” Louise asked after Jesse finished taking photos, her tone slightly derisive.

“Yeah, Pipi—you know, cockles you use for bait.”

“Or eat,” chipped in Eddie.

“But Pipi? Why not Tabby?” Isabella asked.

“Because she hates it,” Jesse yelled back.

Isabella frowned. “Really, Tabitha? You never said when I called you ‘Tabby’ the other night.”

“I know. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“Why don’t you like it?” Annie asked.

“Kids at school used to call me Tubby Tabby—one still does…and fishbait.”

“What little arseholes. No worries then—Pipi it is,” Isabella said.

Louise and Annie made sure Tabitha was strapped tight in her harness and adorned with all the safety gear before they helped her clamber over the railing surrounding the drop to the ramp. Tabitha struggled to get herself over, and when she did, she found herself standing on a very narrow ledge of concrete above a great, yawning, empty space. She clung to the bars as her stomach somersaulted then went into hiding. Time stood still while she struggled to breathe, and her fingers clamped so tightly on the steel rails she thought they would leave an impression in the metal.

“Okay, you’re all secure. Now lean back and sit in the harness. You have to trust it,” Isabella instructed.

Tabitha shook her head. “I can’t. Oh my God, why did I agree to this?” she wailed as she looked over her shoulder into the empty space.

“Lean back, Tabitha,” Isabella said.

“I can’t do this. Can I get back over the fence?”

“No, it’s too late for that, Pipi, but we’re right here,” Jesse called as he dropped over the rail fence and perched on the ledge beside her. “Now copy me. Sit back and let the harness take your weight, hold the rope by your hip, plant your feet firmly.”

She copied Jesse.

“How do you feel, Pipi?”

“Scared.”

“Yeah sure, but what about the harness? Do you feel secure in it?”

Her first reaction to Jesse’s question was ‘have you gone mad—I’m hanging over a huge open space with nothing to hold me but a flimsy webbing harness, a couple of carabineers and a rope?’, but when she calmed herself a moment, she had to admit she felt secure.

“I suppose so,” she muttered.

“Now let go of the rails, Tabitha,” Eddie instructed. He was standing on the other side of the rails, right in front of her face.

She continued to hold on to the metal rods for dear life.

“Tabitha, let go of the rails.” Eddie said it slowly and purposefully, in a voice meant to be obeyed.

She stared into Eddie’s eyes.

“Let go,” he said. “We won’t let you fall.”

Slowly she eased her grip on the metal railing and took the rope in her right hand. Jesse guided it to the correct position by her hip.

“Now, move your feet one at a time, downward. Keep leaning back into the harness,” Eddie said.

And she was doing it. Her panic eased as she concentrated. The harness held. She controlled her descent with her right hand, one step at a time.

“Go, Tabitha,” Isabella yelled.

Tabitha felt pretty chuffed. She could do this. Suddenly her foot was dangling, finding only empty air. Panic ripped through her. She tried to cry out, but all she could manage was a squeak. She tightened her hold on the rope and looked at Jesse.

“Don’t fret, Pipi—you just need to turn yourself upside down,” Jesse informed her with a cheeky grin.

Tabitha glared back at him. “What!”

“Seriously, Pipi. Just copy me. Okay, keep your feet steady, release the rope a bit at a time until your head is lower than your feet, then walk slowly in under the lip.”

Too scared to do anything else, she followed Jesse’s instructions. Moments later she was hanging upside down on the roof of the freight doorway like a terrified orange bat.

“Now slowly bring your feet down. Make sure you have enough headroom, you don’t want a concussion.”

With a shuffle and a wriggle, she slowly righted herself to find she was hanging suspended in a wide-open space. No wall in front, no ledges or handholds, only the concrete driveway, many feet below.

“Okay, slowly let yourself down. Louise is there to help you,” Jesse said.

Her feet had barely touched the ground when Louise helped her stand upright. Tabitha unclipped the carabiner and stared, speechless, up to where she had come from. Jesse slid down beside her with experienced gracefulness.

“So, Pipi?”

She turned to Jesse. “Oh my God. Oh my God. I did it. I…abseiled. Oh my god. I want to do that again.”

Jesse and Louise both laughed, and she could hear a faint echo of that laughter high above her.

She hurried back up to the roof of the above ground car park and lined up with the others.

There was no way to explain how she felt—free, empowered, shaky, exhilarated—all that and more. An icy thought trickled through her—if she had died that day, she wouldn’t have been able to experience this. She made herself a promise right then. She was never going to go back there again. Damn Amelia and all her shit. If she could conquer her fear of heights by abseiling, she could conquer her fear of her bully. She would face her down and banish her brutality for good because she wasn’t having her life messed with anymore. But even as she vowed to stand up to her bully, Tabitha felt the familiar burn of acid fear in her stomach. Making a promise was easy—making it a reality was an entirely different thing. But tonight had taught her something terribly important—she was brave and she could look fear in the face and do it anyway. She would look Amelia in the face and tell her to bugger off.

Tabitha was absolutely buzzing as they walked over to the pub that night. She had gone over the wall three times. By the third time, she’d felt like a pro. Next week Eddie and Isabella were going to teach her how to use a chainsaw, but before that was Isaac’s barbecue.

“Drinks are on us tonight, to celebrate your achievement, Tabitha,” Louise and Annie chorused.

Moments later Louise handed her a lemon squash, then raised her own glass. “Here’s to our newest crew member—the brave and intrepid Pipi.”

They clinked glasses and drank. Tabitha looked around at her new friends and knew she had found a safe haven from which to build her new life.

* * * *

Isabella, Louise, Annie and Tabitha had agreed to carpool to Isaac’s party. Isabella didn’t drink at all so she was designated driver. Tabitha didn’t drink much, and never when she was driving, so it would be a nice treat to have a couple of drinks at the party.

The meat was sizzling on the grill by the time they arrived, and Isaac had a selection of tunes pumping out of his sound system. Isaac was a keen gardener and the setting was almost tropical with lanterns lighting the shadows in the lush greenery.

“Welcome to my place, girls. The drinks are on ice in the Esky over there, nibbles on the table in the corner. I’ve put a couple of patio heaters on, so it’ll get warmer in a minute. Pull up a chair.”

They settled in to music, chatter and the delicious aroma of cooking food. Tabitha felt the best she’d felt for a long time. She felt safe and accepted. A small chill ran through her—what if she told them she had tried to commit suicide and why? Would they still think the same about her, still welcome her into their circle? Or would they be scared away like Jaclyn? She could never imagine any of them allowing themselves to be bullied.

“A dollar for them, Tabitha?” Annie asked, holding out a coin.

Startled, Tabitha looked up, suddenly aware that she had been staring into space and not participating in the conversation.

“Probably aren’t worth a dollar,” she quipped.

“Well, out with it.”

Tabitha shrugged. “I was just thinking how much I was enjoying tonight, the company and all…”

“It’s not like this out therein the real world, is it?”

She looked into Annie’s slate-gray eyes and noticed, for the first time, shadows lurking in the usually sparkling depths. Funny, she’d never noticed them before. Annie was a bouncy, bubbly person, always with a joke on her lips and a caring hand to share. A strong, independent young woman whom Tabitha admired immensely.

“Surely you have other friends and have done stuff like this?” Isabella asked, obviously oblivious to the double meaning exchanged between Annie and Tabitha.

“Well, not really, Isabella. Mostly I got teased and bullied at school because I’m overweight, and the bullying has continued into college, with one of the worst offenders in my lectures. It really gets me down…”

“That’s bad,” Isabella declared.

“Yeah, but pretty normal,” Annie said sadly. “I got the same in my last year of high school. I thought about suicide.”

Tabitha’s breath caught in her throat. Annie thought of suicide. Annie was bullied. My God, I never would have thought it could happen to someone like her. With a sudden rush, Tabitha felt a light of understanding illuminate her mind. It could happen to anyone, not just her.

“Annie! You poor thing. But you never said anything in the last three years since we’ve been friends,” Isabella said softly.

“No, I was afraid you would think less of me, or treat me differently, if I admitted that I’d once been suicidal.”

Both Louise and Isabella leaned forward to embrace Annie. “Of course we wouldn’t have, but I don’t know how people can be so cruel,” Louise exclaimed.

“Easily,” Tabitha said softly.

Isabella turned a probing look on Tabitha then held out her spare arm. “You too? Come on, girls—we need a group hug.”

Just before Tabitha was enclosed in the warmth of the four-girl hug, she said softly, “I almost succeeded with my suicide. It really hurt my parents and hasn’t solved anything. I still have to face her and I don’t know how.”

They hugged in silence.

As they pulled back Annie gave her a hard, direct look. “You have to face her, Tabitha. You have to call her bluff, refute her taunts. You know no one else can do this for you, love. You have to stand strong and tell her no. I know it’s scary.”

Tabitha nodded. “I’ve decided to return to college after the holidays to finish my course and I’m petrified, you know, about her, and what others think. Nobody is comfortable around a suicide survivor.”

Annie grimaced. “I know it’s gonna be hard, Tabitha, but really, their discomfort is their problem. Whatever a bully says is really worthless words—a reflection on them as a human being, not you. Their taunts are lies. The thing is, you have to believe that inside yourself. You have to believe in yourself, assess all your good points—and in your case, Tabitha, there are plenty.”

All the others nodded. “Definitely,” they chorused. “Heaps and heaps.”

Annie nodded. “Think about it, Tabitha. We’ll help if you’re short of positive traits to count.”

Tabitha chuckled. “I might just need that help, guys. I struggle seeing the good in me.”

“Well, you damn well shouldn’t. Now just promise us one thing, Tabitha, if you ever feel like that again, you will talk to us first. Do you hear me? Promise.” Isabella’s usually lilting voice was sharp and insistent.

Tabitha pulled free of their embrace. “I hope to never feel like that again, but if I do, I promise I will talk to you.”

“Okay, you lot, enough of the female bonding stuff. The food is ready,” Isaac announced.

Nothing more was said, but Tabitha felt closer to the girls, particularly Annie. She felt safer having told them herself, and they hadn’t rejected her. As she’d become more entrenched in the group, she’d been so scared of being exposed unexpectedly. Although PJ and Cameron had promised it would remain confidential, she hadn’t wanted it to slip out and surprise the others.