Chapter 48 Seeking help from the one he saw as nothing.

Chapter 48 Seeking help from the one he saw as nothing.
Sunlight rays that peeked from the blinds pierced Ethan's eyes.

He tried to block them out with his palm.

His head throbbed with pain.

And his mouth felt dry and bitter.

A double deck duvet sat heavily on his body, unlike his choice.

He usually loved light bedsheets and the cold was never his enemy.

Under the double duvet, was not just him but Ursula laying in his right arm.

She was still asleep.

Her hair had come out of the hair tie the nurse had tied it in when she was in the hospital.

Part of it was free, the other part was now messy and the top sat like a ball of yarn on her head.

She snored lightly like someone who was so hungry for sleep.

What is she doing lying so close to me? Did she cover me with this duvet? What the fuck even happened here?

He tried removing the first layr of duvet.

The motion disturbed Ursula's sleep.

Her eyes blinked, then opened and landed on Ethan's confused face.

They both stared at each other for some seconds, confused.

"You're awake" Ursula spoke first.

Ethan squeezed his nose a bit at her morning breath coming straight for his face because of how close she was.

"What happened here? Why did you cover me with two duvets? And why are you lying down on my arm? I can't feel my hand" Ethan replied, coldly.

Ursula looked to the side and realized that she was still lying down on his arm.

Still, because she could remember last night so vividly.

Even after the bodyguard had managed to help Ursula clean Ethan up, get him into new clothes and put him in bed, Ethan kept saying he was so cold.

She covered him with the first duvet and he said it was still so cold.

She brought another one and covered him with it, then went to have her warm shower like she wanted.
And when she came back, same complaint.

She was about to get up from the bed again to try looking for another and then Ethan pulled her close to him, begging her not to leave him.

He said that the coldness he felt was from his heart and not his environment.

He literally cried and begged her to stay.

Ursula couldn't say all that to him because she somehow felt like he was going to deny that it even ever happened.

"Why are you staring at me like that? Don't you understand English?" Ethan asked, irritatedly.

"You said you were cold" Ursula spat, shifting out of his arm.

Ethan's arms felt numb.

He shook it around in the air to try to bring it back to life.

"Me? Cold? Is this a joke?" Ethan scoffed.

"Don't you remember what happened last night? You were drunk and.."

"I was what?"

"You were drunk" she said, spelling it out like she was talking to a child, almost as if she was getting tired of stating the obvious.

Ethan couldn't help but ignore her attitude and his mind tried to fix the pieces together to remember.

Oh shit. Fuck, I remember saying some things. It was probably me talking to myself. I could never have opened up to her or told her anything.

"Then, you came closer to me? What are you? Some blanket?" Ethan asked, trying to get more words out of her.

Why are you so full of pride, Ethan? Why don't you just ask me if I heard everything you said last night? I already know that that's what your heart's itching to know.

"I heard everything, Ethan"

Ethan's eyes softened.

"Yes...you were drunk, I wanted to take a shower, you told me a lot of things, a lot of things I never ever knew could happen and then, you wanted me to be closer to you because you said you were c-"

"Things like what, exactly?" Ethan asked.

"Everything you said"

"Spill!" Ethan started to get defensive in tone.

"Okay. Your parents. Things like your parents.. and I'm really sorry that I heard something you probably never ever wanted me to hear till my job here was over but I just needed to pee and-"

She stopped because Ethan looked away, like he couldn't look her in the eyes.

She stopped because she noticed his eyes tear up right before be looked away.

"I'm..sorry" Ursula said.

Why did I even say everything I said? I could have women up earlier, before him. So, that I could leave the bed, go to the bathroom, freshen up and go downstairs for breakfast. And then this conversation wouldn't happen.

She pulled her knees out of the duvet and tried to get up.

"Wait" Ethan said.

Ursula turned around sharply, her hair finally fully falling out of the hair tie, scattering across her shoulders.

"Yes?"

"Please, sit down"

Please? He said please? Is it because he's feeling vulnerable and no longer able to defend himself since I know the truth?

Ursula sat down.

"What do you think of me?" Ethan asked.

"What?" Ursula acted like she didn't hear him at first.

Ethan sighed, then turned towards where she sat.

"You now know about my past. What's your judgement about..me?"

Why is he even asking? Does that even matter, what I think? Who am I, in this house? Has he ever asked what I think before, why now?

"I know you might be thinking, wondering why I asked the question I'm asking you now... especially when you have never had a status in my life but ...still even as someone under my order, I command you, maybe to tell me what you think..about me" Ethan explained.

"I..have no place t-"

"Everyone thinks something of everyone, even if they're just a servant, Ursula"

Ursula sighed.

"I..feel..I mean, I think .that you just have some unresolved issues to work through and that you'll have to face your fears or more relationships in your lives will face destruction" Ursula said.

"How do I do it?"

"What?"

"You heard me, don't act like you didn't."

"I'm so sorry, I'm not a therapist. But I think a therapist would h-"

"No, I've done that. I've had a therapist. But it's not working, I still hate.." he paused

And then started again..

"How do you manage to stay sane..despite everything..?"

This is really a weird question coming from someone who inflicted most of my pain on me.

"I try to remain in the garden, I try to journal"

"Can you help me overcome what I'm feeling and forget everything?" Ethan asked.

"I can't..I am just here to have your child. I can't do anything r-"

"Well, don't you care about the fate of your child even after you leave? Wouldn't you want her or him to be in the hands of a father who...loves himself and knows how to forgive?"

What a devil. You know just well how to get others to do the things you want them to do. The very thing that keeps you broken is the same thing you use to break others.

They both stared at each other.