Chapter Thirty-Two-1

The atmosphere was thick backstage and clung to my body like a fly on shit, lingering in the surrounding air. I was mentally prepared for tonight's show and vocally warmed up, yet something felt off. I couldn't quite put my finger on it per say but figured it had something to do with absence of a certain someone. Rosie had yet to get in touch regarding my letter and I feared the worst. I knew deep down she wasn't coming, though refused to give up hope until the bitter end. "Hey." Matt appeared by my side as we underwent our final checks, reassuring as ever with that familiar smile of his. "She's gonna show up, man. I know it," he offered, unable to hide the slight waver to his voice. He and Yazmin had yet to iron out their differences and given the two still weren't properly speaking since sleeping together, he was well on-board the 'heartbreak train'. We had been each other's rocks these past few weeks and in all honesty, I couldn't have got through it all without him by my side. "Who would've thought out of everyone, you and I would be victims of love?" I chuckled, letting Suzy swipe my cheeks with a brush I assumed was painting my face a healthy red. "Not fucking me, that's for sure," he smirked, appreciating Yazmin from afar. In a brief moment, the two locked eyes, though the exchange didn't last long. Yazmin was quick to turn away and in doing so, metaphorically stabbed Matt in the gut. "She's just conflicted, mate. The best thing you can do is offer her space," I advised, quite the fucking expert. "Just make sure she knows you haven't given up on her." Once done, Suzy offered all four of us her biggest smile and left with a much appreciated, "Good luck, boys." Yazmin was next to grace us all with her presence and snapped a quick picture of us to post on our Instagram page, claiming us to be, "Absolute posers!" Johnny then took over with his usual, "Don't be shit." and offered me a moment to myself, gifting me sincerity for once. "You go out there with your head held fucking high, O'Connor. I'm proud of you. Not many people come back fighting." "Johnny..." "I mean it. Whatever happens tonight, your family and friends have got you," he ensured, no doubt preparing me for when Rosie didn't show up. Everyone knew of my genius plan to win her back and I just hoped it didn't come back to bite me on the arse. If/ when she failed to show up, I could expect an onslaught of pity in the days to follow, which was exactly what I didn't want after losing the love of my life. "Song 41, this is your two minute call," announced the stage technician, rocking the 'all black' look. "Alright lads, gather around," smirked Matt, always one for taking charge. "Night one, lets fucking kill it!" Short and sweet. "Hell yeah!" hollered Kyle, taking up position in the stage wings. The monotone buzz of people chatting turned to shrieks of joy as the stage lights went up and out walked our guitarist. They were dimmed enough that people still couldn't see, yet it did nothing to deter their enthusiasm. Chants and yells in the form of appreciation carried throughout the entire venue and riled me up in my need to snap out of my shit mood. Rosie wasn't coming. She'd have said otherwise and although just about on the verge of pulling my own hair out, I had a show to do. "Are you ready to go fucking mental, London?!" Kyle's enquiry was met with even more vigour and drew out the loud whistles of overexcited women nearby. Each one expressed their need to lick various body parts and even made suggestions of meeting up. It was difficult to dictate exactly where it came from, but I could've sworn I heard the excitable shouts of Rosie telling us all to hurry up. Before I could comprehend what it was I was doing, I stepped out onto the stage and scanned the audience, desperate to see her face. Unfortunately, what I was met with was nothing but darkness and a blur of awe-stuck faces, none of them Rosie's. Fuck! "You okay?" whispered Matt, passing my side. "Fucking peachy," I replied, readjusting my mic stand and announcing my arrival by screaming it down the amplified instrument. "How we feeling, London?" Met with nothing but loud shouts, I decided to get the ball rolling and introduced our first song, keen for a distraction. I'd ruined any chance with Rosie and the sooner I accepted that, the better. If only it didn't hurt so fucking much. #### Time flew by in an instant and before I knew it, the finale had rolled around. The lights faded to black, filling the stage with a darkness that matched my inner thoughts and the endless chants simmered down to a low buzz. I had performed my heart out because our fans deserved nothing less but on the inside, I was a mess. I felt beyond defeated and had the sudden urge to scream my frustrations aloud. No one could possibly sympathise with my situation because it was unique to only Rosie and I. Not only did I love her, I loved everything she stood for and my stupidity had cost us everything. Why? Because I felt so undeserving. "This next song is a first for us," I began, setting my microphone back in its stand. "It's something I've been working on for a while now and we'd love for you guys to be the first to hear it." I paused a moment, noticing complete silence in the room, though decided against an elaboration. I simply couldn't. "This is Rosie's song." Before anymore could be said, the slow sounding rhythm kicked in from Kyle's guitar, hauntingly so. The spotlight descended upon my position up front and centre, highlighting me in the most vulnerable of ways. There was complete silence throughout as I sang the first verse, transported back to Rosie's bedroom with her beautiful, naked body beneath mine. To have even held her once had been amazing, yet I craved more. I wanted more. The lyrics felt heavy in my throat, yet managed to spill out with effortless precision. I kept my eyes closed the entire time and only opened them when encouraged to do so by Matt shouting my name during the guitar break. "Will!" I looked over in an instant, sensing his urgency and followed his head nod towards the audience, unsure of what to expect. Thousands of people stared back at me, yet spotting Rosie took no time what so ever, due to the fact that she was the only one brave enough to show up in bright-fucking-yellow. Her hair was straight and scraped back into a high ponytail, offering ample view of her glorious neck and perfect chest. She caught me looking and offered me a small wave, followed by her blinding smile, all of which filled me with nothing but joy.