CHAPTER 54

Nandhini's POV

"I lied that day about Janaki."

He said with an uncomfortable look.

What does he mean by 'lie'? No! How could he? What the fuck?

"Come again. I think I heard you wrong!"

My heart was racing.

"I lied, Nandhini. I dug my own grave by that. But what I am saying now is the truth. She was never involved in any of my actions. I asked her help but she denied telling me that you deserve a happy life. I was so angry that she dared to tell that to my face. That's why... I can't lose you. I was too afraid to lose you, Nandhini. Please unders..."

*Slap*

"Don't you dare lie to me just to get back to me."

I am seething in rage holding his shirt collar. I don't know whether to trust his words or not. He let out a sigh and held my shoulders.

"When I lied, you believed it. Now I am telling the truth, Nandhini. I just want her to suffer because she didn't help me to get you. I just stupidly framed her so her family will blame her for the wedding got stopped. But nothing went as I planned. She got married to him without taking any blame. Also, I framed myself as a betraying bastard in front of you."

I shakily sat on the sofa. I was more relieved that he didn't team up with her, but the guilt was burning my heart for trying to destroy Janaki's life when all she wanted was good things happen to me. Even though I never intended to make her father suffer. I am the main reason for his heart attack. I can't let everything go with the single word misunderstanding thought that's what happened.

God! I am going to become a mother in a few months. I don't want to be a bad mom to my baby. Tears flowing continuously as I was in the middle of an emotional tornado. He looked like someone crushed him, but he was the one who crushed my heart.

"Nandhini, please listen to me. I am so sorry. I know sorry won't change the pain you felt all these days, but please give me a chance to make it up to you. I will surely prove myself to be a good husband and a good father. I promise to you that I will remain honest and loyal to you till my last breath. I love you so much, Nandhini. My best and worst moments were with you. I want to make more of them in future with you. I knew I am not the best a woman could wish. But I will try to change myself for the better.

My love for you will never fade, Nandhini. In the past twenty years, my love for you only increased, and it never reduced even for a single second. We will get old, and we might struggle to even walk, but I will be there to hold your hand, and I will make a joke to see your toothless smile, and I will still admire you even at that age. You are the beat to my heart, Nandhini. Without you, I can't live. I would be lost without you. I want you in my life to keep me sane. Please! I beg you to open your eyes and see the love you have for me. You can't be in denial forever when you clearly want me as much as I want you."

There was a brief pause filled with silence.

"Okay! I have nothing more to tell. I don't know how to make you understand me. I don't want to put you into pressure to make a decision. But if you really don't want to give a chance to me, I will never come in front of your face. I don't want to be a walking remembrance of your pain and sadness when I wanted to be the reason for your happiness and peace. It's up to you now, Nandhini. I will come back tomorrow night. Tell me your decision and it will choose how our future is going to be. Take care, princess. It's getting late. Go to sleep. Staying late is not good for our baby."

He took his car keys and paused to look at me when he was at the door. With that look, he gave me a nod and left. He left; leaving me alone to make my life decision overnight. I made my way to his room and plopped on his bed. I don't feel like sleeping, but my body was too tired. I cried my heart out. Then I managed to gather myself together to think about the decision I need to take.

His single lie made me lose interest in my life. But he did everything for me, and he did them out of fear of losing me and anger on Janaki for not helping to him get me. He was the only one staying with me knowing the 'real me' after all. Can I afford to lose the only person that loves me unconditionally? He made promises and told me that he would try to change for the better. 

But what if he hurt me again?

Still, he is the only person who could make my dream about living my life with a family. I can't risk to date another man who might not like my baby or he might change after getting his own. Even though I didn't see my baby, I feel him and I love my baby to the end of the universe and back. I may not have a great childhood or parents, but I will shower my baby with love and care. When my baby grows, he/she will surely want Jeev to be around. He equally loves our baby like me. Do I really want my insecurities to win over my baby's happiness? I have gone through so much in these past few months. What else am I going to lose anymore? It would be his one last chance. If he fucks up this chance, I will surely kick his sexy ass.

Okay, the decision was taken. I can call him tomorrow morning and ask him to come early. I will do anything for my baby's good future. That includes forgiving Jeev. If he could bring colours into my baby's life, I will happily let him inside my life despite the risks of breaking my 'shattered then glued heart'. But I won't forget his stupidity.

Deep inside, I knew this was not only for my baby. But I too need him in my life. I can't bear the thought of not seeing him again. And I knew he is the man of his words.

As he said, Do I love him?

I like him very much and always attracted to him. I never went near the word 'love' as I don't want to lose his friendship. Yeah! Who would be willing to risk the only person who cares for you all your life? But do I actually love him? Not yet! Don't go there now! Let's sleep. My baby wants momma to sleep. When I was about to drift off to sleep, I got a call from my mother's office reminding me about the check-up which should have been done before ten days. I mentally slapped myself for forgetting that important thing. And I shook my head as my mother was with me on the due date but didn't bother to remind me. I consoled myself by telling myself that she might have forgotten because of her workload.

The next day when I woke up, I started panicking about the decision I took. Am I pushing myself towards a wrong decision? Change is inevitable. What if he doesn't want me anymore in future? Damn! Maybe I should live my life without depending on anyone. I could earn with my talents. So I would give my baby every best thing even I chose my life without him.

I called Priya and asked her to come. I hate the 'traitor tears' because they are manipulating my hormones and always find a way to come out. I didn't know why I trusted her, but I told her everything from the start in short. She patiently listened and agreed with my decision to get back with Jeev. She had seen his consistent efforts to get me back and also she experienced me giving cold shoulders to him. She told that was the best decision as it would be the right thing for three of us as we all need each other to love and care. Talking with her helped me to clear my head. We discussed the new business deal we are currently trying to get for a few more minutes and asked her to return to work.

I got ready in a blue anarkali top with white floral designs paired with white leggings to get the scans done. I need to drink awfully more water until my bladder is full to get more accurate reports. I suddenly got the urge to call Jeev as I never allowed him to accompany me for the previous two check-ups. I hesitantly dialled his number. He picked up after a few rings.

"Hello, Sanjeev here."

He answered in his sleepy voice. I just chuckled and heard shuffling noises.

"Nandhini?"

He sounded genuinely surprised.

"Hmm yes. Actually, I am going for the monthly check-up. It was due for a week back. If you are free, you can join me. I got the appointment in an hour at Bharat scans."

I spoke in a blank tone.

"Wait there at home. I will pick up you in fifteen minutes. Bye"

He hung up immediately without even waiting for my reply, and I could understand his excitement as he could be able to see our baby. After about twenty minutes, I heard the car tires screeching, and he came in a rush scratching the back of his neck. He was in a grey casual shirt with his sleeves nicely folded till his forearm paired with black jean. He trimmed his beard, and his stubble looks so inviting. His hair was still wet, making me want to run my fingers through it and pull him into a kiss. Fuck! Pull yourself together, Nandhini. We have the check-up to be done. Maybe later! Hehe!

"Sorry, I got stuck in traffic. Shall we go?"

He spoke. I nodded and made my way towards the door after taking my bag. He helped me to get into the car. He started the engine but didn't start to drive. I looked at him questioningly.

"Thank you, Nandhini. I have been waiting so long to see my little bud."

His hand automatically made its way to my belly and rubbed there. I smiled at him, and our eyes met. His eyes shone with admiration and love.

"And you look so gorgeous, my dear."

I looked away towards the window to hide my blush. I heard him chuckle, which made me turn red even more. Why do I feel shy all of a sudden? He didn't say anything but drove us slowly to the scan centre. I was asked to drink one more bottle, and I was called inside. He came with me and stood next to the computer screen, and his face was so bright with excitement. The lab assistant came inside who happened to be a man. Jeev's face turned into a scowl when he asked me to raise my top above my belly.

Jeev stopped me and asked him for a female assistant. That lab assistant argued that this was purely professional and he has no wrong intentions. But Jeev's glare and intimidating look scared that poor man as he ran out to send another assistant. Jeev didn't even look that scary. Actually, he looked so damn choco-liciously hot. The other lady who was already arranging the equipment in the lab giggled and shook her head. She might have experienced this on a regular basis.

Soon an elderly lady came inside and assisted in spreading the gel over my bump and proceeded to take scans. He was looking at the screen in awe. I was too. The baby's form was developed very well, as last month I could only guess the parts. But now I could clearly see the baby. We both were in happy tears. He rushed to my side and kissed my forehead, holding my hand. I smiled as I felt the void in my heart filling with a warm feeling by his nearness. They will send the reports to my mother directly, and I have to visit her tomorrow.

On the way back home, we were in complete silence. He pulled the car in front of a restaurant. I rushed to the washroom first to empty my bladder. We had a great lunch, and we had spent time like our old self. We roamed in the car, and he made me laugh with his silly jokes. We ate dinner out and went home. The cook had made fruit salad for me and asked if I want a bowl now as she knew how much I will search for food in the middle of the night. I happily agreed and asked her added a few scoops of ice-cream.

I changed into nightdress as I don't have anywhere to go. Jeev walked into the room with two bowls of fruit salad, and I took the one with ice cream and started to relish the yumminess. She had added some honey to the salad, and it was heavenly to eat it along with ice cream. My diet consciousness disappeared into thin air on the second month of pregnancy as I started craving for junk foods. But I started going for evening walks.

I looked at him and found him at the other corner of the bed with his bowl untouched and his face wearing the look of pure adoration. What is he adoring? I was eating like a person starved for a month. I nodded my head what with a raised eyebrow. He nodded negatively but stood up and made his way slowly towards me and placed his bowl next to the bedside table and sat diagonally next to me. My brain was struggling to keep up with his masculine scent driving me crazy. He raised his hand, and his thumb rubbed against the outer side of my lower lip. He licked that smudged ice cream without breaking eye contact. And that was so damn hot to see. He smirked when I tightened my thigh together.

"Jeev, you know we need to ta..."

I tried to break the spell like I did yesterday as we have a lot to discuss. But he cupped the back of my neck and pressed his lips on mine and softly nibbled my lips. I tried to pull away, but he had a firm grip. So I eventually gave in but denied to open my mouth. He was passionately eating my lips like it was his last meal. His hand cupped my cheeks and stroked with his thumb. I reciprocated his passion, and he showed me how much he loves me and how he missed me all these days in one kiss. 

We have kissed thousands of times, but this felt like the first kiss and filled with so much magic and love. I understand his love for me. But I was getting scared that how I am going to give him equal love like him. He pulled away to let me breathe. I was smiling so big. His eyes were closed, and we were breathing heavily. I pulled him to a hug and nuzzled my face into his neck. His scent was making me wetter.

"You were saying something."

I heard him whisper into my ears, and his breath was tickling my earlobes. But I need to put everything clearly before him.

"I don't know whether I love you or not as of now. But I can't let you leave me forever. I always wanted you in my life. Maybe in future I would recognise the love you said or I might even grow to love you. It's not about our baby. It's me. I want you in my life. You already broke my heart once. So please don't do anything that would break me beyond repair. I wanted 'US' to build a family like everyone. I want to give our baby all the parental love that I craved for. I want you to be there for our baby's every milestone. I may not look the same, in fact, I am already getting fat. You may lose interest..."

His lips sealed my words, and he pulled me to his lap, made me straddle him, circled his hands around my big waist.

"Don't you dare tell me that I would lose interest in you, Nandhini. Haven't you heard my words yesterday? You are my everything. My love for you will never fade, Nandhini. I love you so much and it hurt me so much to stay away from you. Even if get double in size, my world won't cease to revolve around you, my love. Get my words into that stupid brain of yours."

He sealed his words with a deep kiss and left me breathless when we pulled away. He started kissing my neck and shoulder, yanking my shirt. His hand went into my shirt, and he groaned when his hand found my bare breast with hardened nipples.

He literally ripped my shirt open and planted his warm mouth over one breast and fondled another breast with his hand. He pulled his shirt and kicked his pants away in a swift motion. I ran my fingers over the familiar curves of his abs and arms. My body was heated up beyond my limit. I want him inside me so badly. I yanked his hair to savour his lips. He pulled away and looked down on the enlarged mounds due to pregnancy with an impressed and loving look.

He made me lie on my back and peppered soft kisses on my belly and kept his ear to listen to the baby's heartbeat. His face was expressing so much happiness, and soon his eyes showed desire upon seeing my bare upper body. He cupped my ass and lifted me up to remove the remaining clothes, and we made love all night letting out all our pent up passion. And for the first time, I couldn't get myself to tell what he had was 'sex' because he made sure that I felt loved. He made me feel worshipped.

His thrusts were not hard, but at the exact pace to increase the fire in me. His every peck were soft to show his care for me. He used every soft spot to drive me towards the mind-blowing orgasm, which made my toes curl. He whispered how beautiful I look and how much he loves me while he made love to me. He filled me with his love while telling me he can't live without me. He made sure that I let out all my insecurities and fears along with my orgasms and gave me the thread to hold on, to develop trust for him.

At the end of our long passion-filled night, he helped me to clean up and slept next to me with his hand protectively over my stomach and made me rest my head over his chest. I felt the familiar safe feeling, and I knew he would always love and protect us. I felt so light after so many days. I welcomed the sleep with so much gratitude towards God for leading things and made me end up in Jeev's hands.