CHAPTER 53

Sanjeev's POV

I waited for her to speak. But she was just staring at the darkness outside. We are currently in my room's balcony. The flame she ignited before two days was still burning inside me. I don't want to know the reason why she went to meet him. I just felt... betrayed. We are not in an official relationship, but she will always be my woman. I knew she craves for pistachio ice cream and raw mangoes. So I called my men to fetch those things immediately. That's the least I could do now. The doorbell went on, and I allowed them to keep them in its place, and they went out with a nod after I ordered them to send someone immediately to clean the mess. I quickly went to take a shower in a guest room as I smell awful. I took two pills for stopping the thumping in my head. Fucking hangover! I quickly threw some t-shirt and sweatpants and ran to my room to check her.

The sight in front of me melted my heart; she fell asleep in the swing and looking like a Goddess. I slowly lifted her without waking her up. Her hands circled my neck in sleep. Her ever intoxicating smell making my nose flare. I made her lie down on my bed and covered her with the duvet. She turned and laid on her side. I quickly sent her mom a text to not worry about her whereabouts and mentioned she was here with me. I walked over to the other side and hopped in and moved next to her in the spooning position. I buried my face in the crook of her neck after planting a kiss on her forehead. I could not describe the warm contented feel swelling in my chest in words while I was rubbing her stomach. Our baby!

It’s been a while since I got such a better sleep. But my queen has the power to do magic to me. I never tried cooking, but I want to cook something for her today. It's already seven in the morning, but she seems so tired. I went to the kitchen and rubbed my hand, preparing myself. 

What shall I cook? 

Yeah! I have my best friend to help, YouTube!

*After several minutes*

What the fuck! It's shown so easily in that damn video, but here I couldn't even toast a piece of bread without burning my hand. And I had a few cuts in my fingers while I tried chopping some damn onions. The kitchen looked as if it has gone through a tornado, but I couldn't do anything other than a few black toasts and burnt eggs. I should have called my cook to prepare the food instead. The beep sound in my microwave oven reminded me to take that mug cake out of the oven. It looked so easy, and I did as I saw in the video. God knows how it would taste! I opened the door and clutched the handle and pulled it out hastily.

*Crack!*

What the hell! Oh, my poor hands!

I dropped the mugs as it was too hot to hold with bare hands. I didn't know that it would be hot. I kept it inside for just five minutes. 'Phew! It's common sense Sanjeev!' my inner voice argued. I am keeping my hand under the tap water. Fuck! Cooking doesn't seem to be my item. I swear to never enter the kitchen again.

I called my maid and cook to come today immediately using my pinky finger as that's the only one I got spared from the war in the name of cooking. I took a few ice cubes and rubbed between my palm. Fuck! It stings like a bitch!

"Woah! What have you done here?"

 I heard my Nandhini's voice, followed by her melodious laughter. Before I could hide my hand, she caught me red-handed! Literally, my hands were red! These are not proud of war scars! God! This is so embarrassing!

She carefully walked near the counter and examined the whole kitchen and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. She very well knew about my amazing cooking skill because once she asked me to keep water on the stove and did exactly as she told. Later she gave me an hour lecture to not using my least common sense to not lighting the stove.

"You know you can't cook. Why did you make this disaster here?"

 She asked me while applying some cold cream from the first aid box. This place is mine for just namesake; she is the one who knew where all the things were kept. 

I wanted to dramatically reply her like they say in the movie that 'I did it for you and will do anything for you'. But I kept silent. She sighed after a minute realising I wasn't gonna reply. She started to scold me for hurting myself while I admired her care for me. She walked over to the mess I made in the name of food. She took a spoon of the egg before I could protest she put that into her mouth. God! Save her! As I expected, she spat them into the trash bin and rushed to the washbasin to rinse her mouth. She coughed continuously and looked horrified.

"How much salt did you add in that?"

 She asked me with a controlled smile. What happened? I thought I added enough.

"Five tablespoons. Isn't that enough?" 

 I asked her in confusion. She started laughing as soon as I answered.

"FI-FIVE TABLE SPO-OONS?!?"

 She asked in between her fits of laughter. I just nodded and turned my head away in embarrassment.

"You know five pinches of salt would have been more for that two eggs. But... You added... f-five tablespoons of salt? I am never letting you cook anything for our child..."

 She continued her laughter, clutching her stomach. I admired her lovingly. It's so good to see her laughing like this. And she mentioned the baby as our child for the first time.

"If you so badly wanted to feed me, you could have ordered the food, You know!"

 She spoke with a small smile, and her eyes failed to hide the sparkle that appreciating my efforts.

"Yes, I know. But it's not healthy to eat hotel food. That's why I tried cooking."

 I said with a sheepish smile. She rolled her eyes and threw all food into the trash and kept the dishes into the washbasin. She walked to the living room and made herself comfortable on a sofa. I took my sweet time to admire my queen. She had become little chubby in these past four months, but she looks hot as ever and delicious as always! Damn! Control yourself, Sanjeev. She seemed to be in deep in her thoughts.

"You didn't come to see me for the past two days."

 She stated, looking at my eyes. I stared back.

Does she really care? If not, she wouldn't be here, right? 

She ignored me or kicked me out whenever I went to see her. Now here she is, all bothered and worried that I didn't show up for two days.

Is that why she cried yesterday? She might have thought something would have been wrong with me. At least it's good to know that my absence affects her. It also means I still have a chance to redeem her. Right?

"Fine. You don't need to tell me."

 She scoffed as if we are in the middle of a normal conversation. My mind is boiling to know what she is thinking and where we stand in the 'whatever' relationship between us. And she still went to see him. 

"Let's cut this fucking game. If you care for me that much, why are you hesitating to give me a damn chance? All I wanted is you! Can't you understand that? Tell me what the fuck is stopping you. Why are you stopping 'US' to happen? I love you, Nandhini... more than anything else in this world... more than you could ever imagine. You too have feelings for me, but you are blinding yourself by friend-zoning me.

I knew I broke your trust and gave you the worst memories. But if you didn't give me a chance, how can I make the worst memories go away! I want to make so many best moments to make those worst memories fade away from your heart and mind. For that, I need a damn chance, Nandhini. Tell me why you are locking yourself inside a shell. Please, Nandhini. Tell me!"

 I was so angry that tears started breaking through my eyes as I begged her, leaving all my ego and pride. She was clearly taken aback from my outburst. But soon her frown turned into sour and distanced expression. Here we go again.

"Nothing new, Jeev. You already know the reason. If circumstances weren't like this, I might have considered giving "us" a chance. I agree that I am very much attracted to you. And the sex is always great with you. You are the first person who I would always remember in all my joys and sorrows. But you backstabbed me with the witch I hate the most. You clearly knew my hatred towards her. How could you team up with her to get me? It's a complete stupidity if you think I would run into your open arms after your betrayal. 

You didn't break my trust alone, Jeev. You broke our friendship of twenty years and also my heart... you caused a deep slash in my soul to remember for eternity. It will never heal, Jeev. As they quote 'The saddest thing about betrayal is that never comes from your enemies' and you made it true. If a person with twenty years of friendship could backstab you, who else can't. You would never understand the level of my insecurities. Do you know how much I fear to raise my baby around low and selfish peoples?

You lost your rights on the baby on the second you made a deal with that witch to spoil my life like that. You have no rights to demolish the respect and fame that I built all these years with my blood and sweat. You did that with that fucking witch. I might have forgiven you that you did all these things in the name of your love. But you betrayed me by teaming up with her. I will never forget or forgive you for that, Jeev. I won't fucking give you another chance to destroy the remaining me.

Yes, I do care about you, and I was worried about you for the last two days. It's in my blood to care and worry about you because that's what I did for the past twenty years. But that doesn't mean I forgive you. I can't. I am too afraid to trust anyone anymore. I shouldn't have come here. I'm leaving, Jeev."

My mind was too numb to react to her retreating figure. I let her go. I never thought my actions would have affected her this much. How did I fail to look past her 'strong woman' mask? I thought I knew her so well. And life had its own ways to payback. My simple lie had broken her to this extent. If only I didn't lie that Janaki helped me, I might have been happy with Nandhini and my little bud. I would have surely changed her anger in this past three months. But she was not angry with me but deeply wounded by my betrayal. She was disappointed with me and even herself. I broke her hope!

God! What have I done! How am I going to make things straight?

Nandhini's POV

I left him at his house. He was too shocked to respond to my outburst, but he deserved to know what he has done to me and how much damage he had made. It's not easy to move on as I am still trying to leave everything behind me. I felt a big burden lifted from my heart. Yeah! It's felt good to release the tension pent up inside my mind. I still don't know why the hell he didn't come to meet me for the past two days. Even though I kept on shouting at him, I love his persistence in the past three months. I knew I will forgive him sooner or later to do co-parenting our child. The baby and my hormones were making me emotional and soft.

When I arrived at his home after work, the place was so dark, and I couldn't even see the watchman. I was so worried when I looked into his house through the window with the help of my mobile torch. I noticed the bottles on the floor and realised he was drunk. I initially thought that there was a power outage and banged at his door for almost ten minutes and shouted profanities at him. Later, I accidentally bumped into the switch, and the light came alive instantly. Then I pressed the calling bell for a few minutes to wake him up from his drunken state.

When I saw his dishevelled hair and swollen eyes, my emotions got to my best as I literally jumped on him. The place was a mess and started feeling nauseating. As if reading my mind, he leads me to his room. I went to my favourite spot where the swing was fixed and hopped on it and waited for him. The bedroom had too much history, and I felt like jumping on his bones. My mind started playing random past memories. I didn't realise that I fell asleep.

 But when I woke up in his arms at midnight, I found him spooning me with his hand protectively over the bump. His breath on my neck ticked my nerves, making me want to do something that I knew I would regret later. So I controlled my urges and went back to sleep as there was no point in leaving home, there would be no one to hold me like this. I felt so safe and content, but a small corner of my mind reminded me of his mistake, which brought a bitter smile on my face. I closed my eyes and went back to sleep. I startled by some cracking noise just when I entered the bedroom after freshening up. I felt sorry for my poor Jeev as he tried to make food for me but turned out to be a big failure. I couldn't control my laughter when he said that he added so much salt for that small amount of scrambled burnt eggs. 

I couldn't tolerate his broken tear-stained face. My inability to comfort him made me burst out. But that's for good. I feel so relieved from pouring my heart out.

Time flew, and it's been ten days since I visited Jeev's home. His grandmother fell sick, and Jeev went to be with her. He just texted me the same night and left. I really miss him. And I knew there were feelings developing inside me for him. After a long tiring day, I reached home. I was shocked to know that Janaki's father was admitted in the hospital due to cardiac arrest before a week or so, who is doing fine now. And my thatha gave me a look that filled with disappointment and disgust before dragging his luggage out. Where is he going? Why was he looking at me like that? 

"Where are you going, grandpa?"

 I asked him following behind him.

"Don't act like innocent. I am so ashamed of your behaviour. And I was so stupid to fall for your acts."

 He replied in a cold tone that sent chills to my spine.

"What are you talking about, Grandpa?"

 I asked nervously as I felt whatever that gonna come from his mouth is not good.

"Why did you go to Prabhu's home? He asked to meet you at the cafe, right? I don't know I am going to face Murugan or any of his family members. I never thought you could steep so low to steal someone's husband..."

 He spoke furiously, but I had enough. He doesn't have any right to blame me like that.

"Do you realise what the hell you are talking? Why should I steal someone's man when my own was waiting for me to give a damn chance. I went there to apologise and I did that only. Why are you blaming me like that?"

 I was equally as furious at him. My parents are watching us now with a frown but didn't care to interfere.

"Cut the act, Nandhini! I knew that you went to his house and Janaki's father got a cardiac attack on seeing him hugging you and apologising, he thought his son in law has some feeling for you and he came to the conclusion of spoiling his daughter's life by marrying her to him. Are you going to deny that you two didn't hug?"

He spat his words with venom, but I was too stunned with the new revelation. I didn't even notice him coming there or watching us. They could have confronted immediately, and we would have explained everything. Oh my God!

"Just like I thought"

He gritted out and dashed out of there. I never meant to harm anyone in her family. I just wanted her to feel the way I feel every time I got affected by her deeds. And how could I forgive her when she threw all my insecurities in my face before promising a good life, but she broke me completely. I am not behaving my best, but I am not a murderer.

My parents didn't speak to me for the next two days. At work, Priya asked if everything was okay with me and I just lied as usual that I was fine. She is a great help at work. I decided to go to Jeev's place as I don't feel like going home. The bitter truth is, the maids in Jeev's place care for me more than my parents. At least they show their care expressively. I didn't have any negative feeling to stay there. It reminded me of him sleeping next to me a few days ago with his hand protectively over my belly. Maybe I could forgive him! He will make a great father to our children.

Oh Children! So you want more babies from him! Damn! What am I thinking?

I stayed there for the next two days alone. His grandparents were in the village, and I think there was bad network coverage. That's what I think because he didn't contact me for almost the past two weeks. I shouldn't be dependent on anyone. My parents didn't even bother about knowing my whereabouts. I ignored it completely to numb that itching pain from their behaviour. Why can't I leave all everything behind and go somewhere else? That idea seems so appealing.

He had his fridge stocked up with my favourite ice cream, and I didn't miss savouring them. My baby will move once in a while, reminding me of his/her presence. It was weirdly good. My sweet time with my ice-cream got disturbed by the door flying open. My mouth watered at the sight as I shamelessly ogled his abs and his delicious V, leading my eyes to... I looked up at his face, and he was looking at me in confusion and shock and also a hint of hurt and guilt was peeking from behind.

"What are you... When did you come?"

 He asked me and re-did his opened buttons. He might have opened them on his way to upstairs. And I never happened to tell him that I am staying here.

"I was staying here for the past three days. Do you have any problem?"

 I questioned him annoyed as he was avoiding eye contact.

"Oh! You knew I don't have any problem with that." 

 He stated and hurriedly entered the bathroom.

Shall I join? I asked myself and blamed my pregnancy hormones for my horny behaviour. And it's his mistake for maintaining his body so fucking hot. It's been a while since I slept with someone. I was highly active in my sex life, but it was sucking now. I am getting bothered now. I should control myself when he comes back. He might come out in just towel, and I could peek at his muscles, which would be still drying from the shower. Yum!

Fuck! What the hell am I thinking! Stop this immediately, Nandhini. 

I slowly made my way back to the kitchen as I didn't want my desires to get best of me. I waited for a few minutes, and he came down looking for me. I was munching my new found favourite Lays: hot n sweet chilli. He shook his head with a smile on finding me eating. Fuck manners! I am shoving the chips into my mouth and enjoying the sensation of flavours blasting in my mouth. His eyes narrowed a little as he scanned me from head to toe, and he licked his lips. I knew that look, and I was secretly satisfied that he was so frustrated, just like me when I noticed the growing bulge in his pants. A small smile broke its way through my poker face mask on noticing that. We are like fire and fuel now; it just needs a little touch to burst into a big flame. But I need to clear things before getting intimate. 

"I want to go back to New York. I don't want to be here anymore, Jeev."

I looked at him for his reaction. He flashed a confused look, but the earlier magic broke with this announcement.

 He reached out to hold my hand in his. Despite the shower, his hand was so warm. I allowed him to hold my hands as he sat next to me on the sofa.

 "Okay. When do you want to go back? What are you planning to do with the boutique here?"

 That's not the reaction I expected. Something is off. He rubbed my knuckles in circles but still not making eye contact with me. I sighed as I knew that I have to give him a detailed explanation. Also, I need to know whether he still wants me. 

 "I want to leave my past and want to start anew! For my baby. I didn't even realise what I am turning into. I am turning into a murderer, Sanjeev. My thought of revenge from Janaki would have killed her father. He never did anything to me. But I am one of the reasons for his health deterioration. I literally hate everything around me. No one is there for me at the end of the day. I know I'm acting like an ungrateful bitch because my parents tried their best. And I was the one who ruined everything. But there is always a void in my heart despite their presence. Because they just think of me as one of their responsibilities.

 And my thatha genuinely cared for me. I couldn't look at his face after he broke the news to our family. He thinks I am the reason, so he went back to Kanchipuram. He would have felt used. My parent's too looking at me accusingly. I did plan to take revenge on that witch, but that day I didn't have any idea that things would turn like this. I don't care about Janaki anymore. I do care about Prabhu. But I don't want to risk my baby's future for my personal reasons. I don't want to do anything here anymore. I want you to be there for my baby. Only for the baby, though. I am going to use my saving to make a new life there. I will leave the boutique to Priya, and I know she will run the business well. 

 I am so tired of everything, Jeev. I am tired of myself. I feel suffocated. I just want to... breathe. I don't trust you after what you did. You failed as my friend at the second you joined Janaki to ruin my life. But I don't want my baby to grow up without a father figure. I may be selfish about this decision, but you are going to make the final decision on that matter. I will be leaving in a month or so. I need to re-apply for a visa, and the process will take time."

 I was tired at the end of the speech. I yawned and looked up at his face. He was silent for a whole minute while soothingly rubbing my knuckles.

 "Don't be hard on yourself. It was not your mistake about his health condition. Leave the past in past, Nandhini. And I have something important to tell you. I don't know how you will react. But I need to let it out. My anger on my inability and stupidity is killing me. I can't even look straight at your eyes. But just remember I love you so much and nothing is more important than you to me. I will do anything in my power to be with you."

Tears welled up at his confession, and my curiosity was at its peak. I nodded my head at him to continue without knowing he was going to drop the dynamite.