Chapter 53 53: The Joshua Tree

Chapter 53 53: The Joshua Tree
\[ K A R A \]

Later that day, mom and Peter stopped by with some food by lunchtime. Ryder wasn't anywhere around the hospital though. I heard from Peter that he went out somewhere.

I wanted to text him and ask him where he was, but then I knew he'd come and see me, and I still didn't know what to say to him. So I decided I shouldn't text him, even though I desperately wanted to.

I looked around the hospital room, it was a full house today. Peter and Cole were chatting about boats and Elle was doing my mom's nails. It was a happy sight. But I still felt like something was missing. Or someone.

Oh, fudgesicles.

I guess what I was trying to say was... I miss you Ry, the room feels empty when you're not here.



Hours had passed and Ryder still hadn’t shown up yet. He wasn’t kidding when he said he would give me time to think.

After we had lunch together, Elle and Cole left to go back to work, meanwhile, mom and peter still lingered around the hospital. I didn’t feel like talking to them about Ryder’s proposal, I wanted to be alone to think. So I told them I was taking a walk around the hospital to do some exercising.

I didn’t realize how long I was out for, until the sun was setting. I had found a cozy spot at a bench near a tree at the hospital garden, and though it was cold outside, I sat here for hours and on to continue racking my brain for an answer.

“Hey,” a voice suddenly said to me.

My first instinct was that it was Ryder.

“Oh, hey,” I gave a weak smile when I saw Cole standing in front of me. “You’re back?”

“Yeah, I’m done with work,” he said, and he gauged my reaction. “You look disappointed,”

“No, I’m not,” I said defensively. “I’m always happy to see you, you know that,”

Cole stifled a laugh and sat next to me on the bench.

“Your mom and Peter went out to get some food. They told me you might be here,” he said as he studied the surrounding. “It’s nice out here, but it’s kinda cold, don't you think?”

“Yeah…”

Cole started rambling about the seasons and I found myself tuning out. I had been sitting here for hours and I still didn’t have an answer for Ryder. It was eating my brain alive. I needed to figure this out soon.

“…Hello? Earth to Kara?” Cole said as he waved his hand to my face.

“Huh?”

“You look super distracted,” he noted. “What’s on your mind?”

“Oh, I… I don't know if I should talk to you about this,”

“What? I’m still your best friend,” he stated matter-of-factly. “You can talk to me about anything,”

“But… it’s about Ryder…” I paused for a moment. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

“Hey, I’m all ears,” he smiled reassuringly. “So, what did he do now? Ask you to run away with him to Costa Rica?”

“He asked me to marry him,”

As soon as I said those words out loud, Cole’s eyes widened instantly.

“You don’t wanna hear this. Let’s talk about something else,” I shook my head at him. Talking about my ex-lover to my other ex-lover really was a bad idea.

“No, no. You can’t just drop this bomb on me and change the topic, Livingston,” he shook his head back at me. “What did you say to him?”

“I said I don’t know… I’ll think about it,”

“Ah, so that’s why you’re sitting by the tree out in this weather,” he nodded his head.

“Exactly,” I sighed.

“You know, I’m not actually too surprised he did this,”

“You’re not?”

“He’s thought about it for a while,”

“How’d you know?”

“A year ago, when he first came back to find you, I ran into him at a café one time, and he had a ring with him. It’s got like a blue stone and everything. I think he wanted to propose to you then,”

“He did?” I gaped in shock. Cole nodded his head as an answer.

Ryder and I were madly in love with each other a year ago. He asked me to run away with him and I said yes. Now I found out that he wanted to propose too… But then he didn’t. He changed his mind on me.

“Cole, can I ask you something?” I said cautiously.

“Duh,” he gave me a bored stare.

“You saw Ryder and me at the cathedral right? Before I told you about him being Hawaii-dude. You saw us but you acted like you didn’t know anything. Why didn’t you say something?”

Cole took in a deep breath and let out a long sigh. His hand went to rake his hair as he said, “You know, I never understand why you like the guy. He’s so obnoxious. Think about it, Kar, you fell for the guy that sang Aladdin in the middle of the streets, seriously?”

I couldn’t help but smile. I did. That was exactly what I did.

“I didn’t understand it then, but when I saw you there with him, I’ve never seen you so happy,” he said again. “That’s when I decided that I’d be okay if you wanna be with him. He makes you happy and that’s all I want for you,”

I remembered that moment like it was yesterday. It was one of my most favorite moments with Ryder. He took me to the church and told me to believe in love. And to top it all off, he sang a verse from ‘A Whole New World’.

“He does make me happy…” I admitted. “But is that gonna be good enough for a marriage? I mean, people change, promises break, and love hurts… Look at us… even we didn’t make it,”

“We didn’t make it because we know we’re better off as friends,” he smiled. “And yeah, it fucking hurts, but I don’t regret taking the chance. I have no regrets now. It’s a very liberating feeling, you should give it a try,”

I thought about Cole’s answer for a moment before asking, “But what if… I say yes and then Ryder changes his mind? He’s done it before…”

“Kar, do you know why he did that?”

I shook my head at him.

“A year ago, when I ran into him, I told him that you’d be better off without him…”

“You did what?”

“I told him about your job offer and that you were leaving everything behind for him. I think he realized that he was asking too much from you, and so he changed his mind. Later that day, I actually saw him at the pier, and he was throwing the ring away,”

I was frozen in shock. I never heard this part of the story. I thought Ryder changed his mind because he was doubting our relationship. I thought he was done fighting for me, and that was why he left.

“Kara? Are you mad at me?” Cole asked cautiously. “Please don’t be mad at me. I swear, I had no ill intentions. I was only doing what I thought was right… You were gonna leave your entire future for an uncertain life—“

“It’s okay, Cole,” I nodded at him. “I’m not mad at you. I knew why you did it. I’m thinking about the same reasons too right now,”

As bad as that heartbreak was, Cole was only looking out for me. It was the same thing that I was doing to myself right now. I was looking out for myself too. Which was why I couldn’t give Ryder a solid answer.

“This isn’t about you doubting Ryder, isn’t it? It’s about you doubting yourself,” Cole said suddenly. “Believing in love scares you,”

His words hit me like a bullet to the head. That was true. I didn’t doubt Ryder could make me happy. I knew he would. I believed in Ryder, but I didn’t believe in myself.

“I know it’s been rough on you, but stop dwelling in the past, Kar. And stop worrying about the future either,” Cole said as he took my hand in his. “We don’t have all the knowledge. We only have what we have right now. Just focus on that,”

Just focus on what we have right now…

For some unknown reason, I felt tears pooling around my eyes. I wanted to cry. Everything that Cole said about me was true.

I want to be better than this…

“Cole…” I said softly, choking back the tears, “Thank you,”

Cole smiled brightly and squeezed my hand tighter. He tilted his head to the side and studied my face, and suddenly he said, “Oh, I know that look. That’s your ‘I’ve made my decision’ look,”

I couldn’t help but smile. Cole really did know me through and through.

“You’re right, Cole. I can’t survive this world without you,” I told him.

“Anytime, Livingston,” he laughed and gave me a playful shove. “Anytime,”

For some time there, we just laughed and shoved each other playfully. I was giggling like a schoolgirl again, and I felt truly grateful for Cole’s presence in my life. I wouldn’t be able to get to where I am today without him.

“Should we go back inside?” he asked as the cold winds were giving him the shivers.

“Sure…” I got up to my feet, but then I stopped in my tracks suddenly and said, “Hey, can I ask for a favor?”

“Shoot,”

“I can’t leave the hospital, but I’m gonna need to get something… Can you get it for me?”

Cole looked at me like I was asking him to get drugs. With suspicion in his eyes, he asked, “What is it?”



\[ R Y D E R \]

I left the hospital and walked around the city the entire day. I walked for hours, and before I knew it, the sun had set and the city lights came out to play.

Was that enough time and space?

Somehow I found myself back at the pier, the place where I threw the old engagement ring at the river. I didn’t mean to go here, but that was where my feet were taking me.

Life has a weird sense of humor, doesn’t it?

I would never guessed that I would be back here in this city, standing in the same spot, holding onto another damn ring.

Don't worry, I won't throw this one out to the river.

This ring was my mother's wedding ring. Dad kept it safe all these years. I never thought that any girl would be worthy enough to wear it, until now.

Shit... what if she'll say no again?

She was a smart girl, but sometimes I wished I could shut down that mind of her. Whenever I asked her to take the next step with me, she'd go into fight mode or she'd run away. This time wouldn't any different.

I should probably use this time to prepare a strong argument: all the reasons why she should marry me. But honestly, I was out of reason. I knew I was never the best choice. She either wanted me or she didn't. I just had to hope for the best and expect the worst.

DING

My phone chimed suddenly, breaking my train of thought. It was a text.

Kara: ,

I swallowed hard as I read the screen.

Kara: I think I have my answer.

Kara: Can you come see me?







\- - - - - To Be Continued - - - - -