Chapter 50 50: The Home Coming

Chapter 50 50: The Home Coming
\[ R Y D E R \]

She said she didn't want to see me.

Well, not those words exactly. The nurse said that she was too tired and that she didn't want any visitors for now. She only wanted to see her mom. So both Cole and I had to retreat back to the waiting room.

Seriously though, I was literally dying to see her, and now she was awake, but she won't even see me. That sucked, but I had to respect her wishes. She probably needed some time to re-adjust.

Still, I couldn't wait for her to hear the news... How would she react?



Now I didn't feel like sitting around, sharing a waiting room with fucking Cole. But I didn't want to leave the hospital either, so I decided to go wait by the rooftop instead.

It was nice and quiet up here. You could see all of New York City in glorious HD. There were no stars in the night sky, but there were bright little lights coming from the tall buildings and streets below. It was no Hawaii, but the view wasn't so bad.

Wait, was I trying to talk myself into liking this city?

What would life be like if I decided to stay? Let's list the cons, Number One: there were no beaches with world-class waves here. I wouldn't be able to surf. Number Two: it was crazy expensive to live here, I'd need to get a real job or whatever. Three: I didn't know anyone here, except Kara.

Kara...

Suddenly all the cons that I had listed didn't matter anymore. If I could get the entire world but not have her, it wouldn't even mean a thing.

I could just picture it in my head, I'd make my way home after a long day, I'd open the apartment door, and Kara would be there, her nose stuck in some book. She'd be sitting with her legs crossed on the couch and she’d beam when she sees me.

"Welcome home," she'd say to me, and her lips curved up a smile.

I'd walk over to her and kiss those lips. She'd taste like the chocolate ice cream she just had after lunch. Then I'd bury my face in the nape of her neck, devouring her intoxicating scent.

"That's right, baby. My home is you," I'd murmur to her ears.

Goddamn it.

Enough was enough. Imagining shit like that got me all riled up again. I had met a girl I couldn't live without, and now I found that life was of little consequence. I had to make a choice, so I decided to make one right now.

I pulled out my phone and dialed dad's number. He picked up after a few rings.

"Dad, I need to ask you for something," I said quickly.

Not wanting to waste any time, I jogged back inside the hospital, swaggering past Cole in the waiting room as I made my way out. He gave me a puzzled look, probably wondering why I was leaving. And I just smirked at him with confidence.

I was a man with a plan.



\[ K A R A \]

I remembered falling back to sleep after I had asked for my mom. I woke up the next day and saw her sleeping on the chair next to me. I was feeling hungry, but I didn't want to wake her up. She looked so tired. She must have been sleeping here all night.

My eyes darted to the table next to me, there was a large brown bag sitting there. I knew it wasn't there before. I grabbed the bag and looked inside, there was a cup of milkshake, McDonald's fries, a slice of pizza from Joe's, and a small tub of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.

There was also a post-it attached to the milkshake cup that said: "Dear K, eat me."

Oh, that crazy mudderfudder.

I suppressed my laughter, but I couldn't stop myself from smiling. There was only one person in the world that could write such a disgusting and inappropriate, yet incredibly cute note.

"Hey, you're awake," mom croaked. "Do you need anything? Want me to get the doctor for you?"

"No mom, I'm fine," I said, shoving my mouth with fries.

"Where'd you get that? And I don't think you're supposed to be eating those after a surgery—"

"Aw mom, I almost died, please let me live a little," I joked, but she wasn't amused.

Her smile turned to a frown.

Now I noticed I was wearing this ugly and slightly oversized hospital robe. The sleeves weren't long enough, and she could clearly see the cut marks on my arms. Mom's eyes traveled to the white bandage wrapped over my wrist. I shuffled to hide my arms, but to no avail. Mom let out a long sigh.

"I never knew you got a tattoo," she said slowly.

Popsicles! Of course, she saw it... and most likely everything else too...

"Mom, please don't freak out. I know it looks bad, but I'm done. I'm not doing it anymore... and the wrist thing was just a bad accident," I stammered.

"Cole told me everything," she swallowed hard, "I wish you would have told me... that you loved Ryder,"

I looked away and hid my face.

"I think I saw Ryder here last night...” I said in an almost whisper. “What happened?"

"Well, while you were in surgery, the search and rescue team found him drifting 13 miles off the coast of Mexico. Peter went to get him, and they came here right after,"

"Oh, okay... that’s good," I sighed in relief.

He's alright... and he's here.

"Baby, I'm so sorry..." mom's voice was suddenly cracking, "I can't help but wonder, maybe this was all my fault?"

"Mom, what are you talking about?"

"You two loved each other and I made you guys end it," she said bitterly. "I thought it was just some summer fling. You guys were just teenagers. I really didn't think much of it,"

"Mom, it's not your fault," I said reassuringly. "Ryder and I were not right for each other anyway. I'm just... having a hard time trying to get my heart to cooperate with my brain on that,"

"Oh baby," she pulled me in for a hug.

"Love sucks, mom. It hurts. I don't know how people do this,"

"Honey, I have had my heart broken countless times, and let me tell you, it never gets easier. Still, that's no reason to do this to yourself, you understand?"

"I do. And I promise you, it's over," I said reassuringly.

She studied my face and nodded slowly.

"If love hurts this much, why do people do it still?" I muttered.

"Because some loves are worth the pain," she paused for a second before saying, "Do you know how many loves in my life that are worth the pain and suffering?"

"A hundred?" I teased.

"One," she said.

"A hundred and one?"

"Just one. It’s with my soul mate. And it's you,"

"What?" I gaped at her.

"I'm serious. So many men came and left, but my one true love will always be you. You were always there for me throughout all my heartbreaks, you’re my rock, honey,"

"Aw mom, you're too sweet. But I can't be the only one, I mean there's Peter,"

"Yeah... about that," she took a deep breath before saying, "Peter and I are getting a divorce,"

"What?!" I exclaimed. "Mom! It's not because of Ryder and me, is it?"

"No, honey, it doesn't have anything to do with you guys. I never told Peter about you and Ryder, just like you asked, so he never even knew," she sighed. "Peter and I had been having problems, ever since the miscarriage... That was a big wake up call. We knew we were trying to start a family for all the wrong reasons. We've made the decision for a while now, and we were gonna tell you on our last day in New York. We were just waiting for the right time..."

"Mom, I'm so sorry to hear that. Really, I do. Peter is a great guy, and he makes you happy... Are you sure about this?"

"Peter and I did get along great. But no matter how hard we tried to convince ourselves that what we had was real, deep down we both knew that it wasn't. After some time, we just couldn't deny it anymore. We both deserved better,"

I linked my arms around my mom's waist and pulled her tight. She hugged me back and stroked my hair gently, resting her chin on the top of my head.

"Baby, you should've told me about how you felt for Ryder. I would have understood..."

"Really?" I said to her chest.

"Well, it would be weird and awkward. And plus, it's Ryder. He's the poster boy for boys you shouldn't let your beautiful daughter date," she snorted. "But if you had told me, I would have tried to understand…"

"You're a great mom, you know that?" I smiled at her.

"I'm glad you think so. Because starting next month, I'm moving back home. You're getting your old roommate back," she winked.

"Great, I don't have to do my own laundry anymore," I laughed and she rolled her eyes.

"So, what do you think you'll do?" she said as she pulled away.

"About what?"

"About Ryder,"

"What about him?"

"Well, he wants you back. He's made it pretty clear to me. He said, and I quote: I love your daughter, very much,"

"Mom!" I struggled to hide my cheeks from blushing.

"What are you gonna say to him?"

"I... don't know. Things are different now. I have..."

Cole. I have Cole... who I was currently avoiding. He must be so worried about me.

"Mom, is Cole still here?"

"He never left," she smiled. "Do you want to see him?"

I bit my lip, unsure of what to say.

"Oh I see what's going on here," she smiled suddenly. "Aw, young love and drama, reminds me of the good old days,"

"Mom!"

"Did you know I was in a love triangle too, once? Back in high school, my best friend and this sexy quarterback both asked me to the junior prom,"

"Really? Who'd you end up going with?"

"I chose the bad boy, of course, I was sixteen," she rolled her eyes. "And nine months later, I had you,"

"What?!" I gaped at her. Mom never told me this story before.

"Yeah, he turned out to be a douche, as we both can tell," she laughed sarcastically.

"Do you regret not going with your best friend instead?"

"No," she smiled. "Because then I got to meet my soul-mate. You,"

I shook my head and smiled. Lacey... no, my mom was the cutest.

"Mom... can you please get Cole for me?"



"Hey," Cole said as soon as he entered the room.

He looked disheveled, with bags hanging under his eyes. Slowly, he walked over to the bed and sat down next to me. Smiling a small smile, he leaned in and planted a short kiss on my cheek.

"Hey," I whispered back.

"I missed you," he said, leaning his head against mine. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I had been through a life-altering experience," I shrugged.

"I should have never let you go. I'm so sorry,"

"Why are you apologizing to me? It wasn't your fault, Cole,"

"I'm your boyfriend. I should have taken better care of you," he breathed, pausing for a beat before saying, "I should've noticed the cuts sooner. I should've never left that night. And I shouldn't have let you go,"

"Cole, it's not your fault. Honestly, it was all my fault. You need to stop babying me. I made those mistakes, it was all me. You were doing your best to help, but it's never your responsibility to take care of me," I paused for a second and said, "I should take care of myself,"

I had been terrible at taking care of myself. This whole experience was a much-needed wake up call. I needed to stop going down this self-destructive wormhole. I needed to be better than this.

"It's just... I was just so scared of losing you. I mean I just got you..." he said, his fingers caressing my cheek.

I used to be able to tell Cole anything, he was my best friend. There were so many thoughts going through my head, but I found myself unable to say anything to him right now.

"Kar? Is something wrong?" he said, reading my expression.

I swallowed hard at his words. I knew I had to do this, and this was the right thing to do.

"Cole, I... can't do this... us... anymore," I said before I could stop myself.

"What?" he looked taken aback.

"This isn't fair to you. I know you're holding out for me to make a big change in order for things to get better between us. But what if I can't ever change? What if this is who I am and who I'll always be?"

"What are you talking about, Kar?" he narrowed his eyes, looking at me intently.

"This whole experience made me realize something, I love you, I do, but it's not enough. I couldn't give to you as much as I'd like to,"

"I don't understand, Kara, what's going on? What are you saying, really?"

"Cole, I care about you too much to let you do this to yourself. Please don't wait around for a girl to give you what you already deserve. Even if that girl is me,"

"Kara... are you breaking up with me?" his voice cracked.

I looked down, not wanting to say the words out loud, but I think he knew.

"Hey, I know you're in a tough spot right now, especially with the presence of a certain someone around. But please, don't make any rash decisions,"

"This has nothing to do with him, Cole,” I shook my head at him. “This is about us. I thought that if I keep on trying, one day I could love you the way you deserved to be loved. But that's not right. You deserve so much more than that,"

He closed his eyes, trying to hold back the pain.

"I'm so sorry, Cole," I said, putting my hand gently on the side of his face.

He was quiet for a long time, trying to take it all in. I watched him intently, waiting for any form of reaction. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he let out a long sigh and opened his eyes.

"You can't make your heart feel something that you don't. I should have known better," he said lowly.

That was painful. This was painful, but we both needed this. Just like Peter and mom—we both deserved better. Cole, in this case, deserved more than the whole entire world.

"Can I just ask you for one thing, though?" he said suddenly.

"What is it?"

"I want my best friend back," he smiled, a real genuine smile. "I can live without being your boyfriend. But I can't live not having my best friend back,"

I smiled back, a real big smile.

"You never lost her, you idiot," I said, shoving his head playfully, and he shoved me right back.

We were both grinning at each other, it was amazing. Despite everything, we were still the best of friends. There was nothing more precious than that.







\- - - - - To Be Continued - - - - -