Chapter 10 To be loved
Amrah
"Amrah” I could still hear Zayd’s voice, although distant, it was steady. His hand patted my back continuously to soothe me.
I tried to pull myself out of the dark memories and remind myself that I was not seven years old, but twenty, and I was not trapped in that basement again.
"Open your eyes"
"I can't... no light... " My voice came out broken, hoarse, and panicky.
“Here, hold this "Something warm pressed against my sweaty palm.
"Take in a deep breath and try to open your eyes again” He urged gently.
I took in a quick breath and forced my eyes open, it was his phone that he gave me, he had switched on the flashlight.
The elevator's light was back on but it wasn’t moving.
"See? There is light, you are not in the dark" Zayd's voice was steady, unhurried like we have all the time in the world.
Like we were not stuck in this metal box called an elevator. I flashed the light on his face, catching the worry in his eyes before he could hide them away.
His brows were slightly knitted so I wouldn't notice if we were not so close, that was when I realized that I had subconsciously pulled him closer during my panic attack.
He was so close that his soothing scent was all I could inhale, his lashes were pretty long and he had a tiny mole right under his left eye.
My straying thoughts somehow calmed me down until I felt much much better. I looked away from his face on realizing that I had stared for too long.
"How are you feeling now?” He asked.
“Much better” I muttered, releasing him from my death grip.
Just then, the elevator jolted back to life and started moving again.
Ding! The elevator dinged.
“We have arrived. Can you walk or do you want me to carry you out? " he asked, picking my bag from the floor.
" I... I can "
Zayd held me regardless and we walked out of the elevator.
Chris was standing in front of their unit. Our eyes met as soon as we walked into the hallway and I felt another panic attack looming.
Chris glared at us as we stepped out of the elevator. Into the hallway, his countenance changed when he saw that Zayd didn't let go of me regardless of his glares.
"What's wrong?"
"The elevator had a malfunction and there was a blackout which incited a panic attack" Zayd explained calmly.
Chris shortened the distance between us in a few steps and pulled me away from Zayd. He also grabbed my bag and led me to my unit.
I could feel Zayd's gaze on me as we walked into my apartment after Chris opened the door. I felt bad that I didn't even get to thank him before walking away.
"Why did you ride with Zayd?"
That was the first question Chris asked as soon as the door closed behind him. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach in disappointment.
He didn't even ask how I was feeling even though he was told that I just had a panic attack.
"Because you told me not to keep you waiting" I answered.
"I told you not to keep me waiting but not to hug my best friend shamelessly on his bike!" he barked.
Chris!" I called feeling wronged and guilty at once.
“What? You want to defend yourself as usual, go on" He walked off to the living room and took a seat, I hurried with guilt eating me up the more I thought about what happened between Zayd and me last week.
I was scared he would get angry and leave me again.
“I… I am sorry”
"Of course you are. You are always sorry. Do you even love me? I feel like I am losing you, and to no one but my best friend."
"Chris...! Why would you say that? " My heart thumps.
"Because I see the way he looks at you. And you don't draw any line between the two of you. You were all over him in school because you don’t have regard for me"
As much as he was right, he was also wrong. He seemed to have forgotten how he had been ignoring me.
“You have been gone for two weeks, Chris. And every day for those two weeks, I called and sent messages, but not even one was replied to or picked up. I am always on the edge, thinking about you and wondering when you will answer me. It is exhausting " I broke down.
“I approached Zayd to ask about you, I haven't seen him in about two weeks”
That wasn't a lie. But I'm not about to tell my hot-tempered boyfriend that I was avoiding Zayd because we kissed again, and I enjoyed it.
Chris sighed, he stood up defeated which surprised me. I guess I have won for now.
"I have been busy, babe. Shoots and all. I am stressed out and just want to hug you, but seeing you with Zayd made me jealous. I got jealous because I love you”
“But you didn't even let me know…”
“I'm sorry, babe. I'm sorry for being so busy. But I didn't like seeing you close to Zayd, especially after that fucking game.
I let out a cold breath, he was still thinking about that kiss, what if he found out we had another one in here, about two weeks ago?
"I am sorry. I shouldn't have come home with him" I apologized, hoping everything would just end.
It worked because he pulled me into a hug, resting his chin on my head. I hugged back, feeling a bit relieved but the guilt still weighed down in my chest.
I buried my face in his chest, inhaling his rich scent, which was stronger, not soothing as the sandalwood… Amrah!
Chris dropped kisses on my forehead. I realised how much I missed hugging him and the forehead kisses which sealed everything.
"I want a kiss on the lip" Chris was asking, he was just letting me know what he was about to do.
He claimed my lips hungrily without waiting for my reply.
Zayd would wait for my approval... Fuck.
I am comparing them instead of focusing on kissing my boyfriend. Chris's hands slipped under my shirt and pulled me closer by the waist.
My stomach was poked by the evidence of his arousal, and I stiffened. It can't be that he wants to do that…no, we are not having sex again, right?
I didn’t think I was ready for that pain again, but I couldn't afford to get Chris angry right after we had just reconciled.