Chapter 35-4

"Yup, it's time to go home now." Chase announces as he throws the cotton candy in the nearest bin and pulls me out of the carnival like a madman on a mission. Oh this was going to be so fucking sweet. ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ Luckily, everyone had decided to go to the beach today. When Chase and I arrived back, we came straight to the bedroom. I wasn't sure how much time had passed but after a few rounds and a nap, I woke up the the sun setting. As we lay, basking in the golden light, I reach over to the bed side table and pulled out a book. I settle back against Chase's body. "I had so much planned." I pout as I hold up the diary from my past, "We were going to go to the movies, the animal shelter and then we were going to have dinner." Chase lay on his side next to me, his head propped up by his hand. The sheet was barely covering his pelvis and the top of his hip was sticking up. Chase glances at the pages before me. "I don't care what we do, Jones, as long as I'm with you." Chase explains as he picks up the top of the book and throws it on the ground, "All I wanted was to spend the day with you." My heart wrenched as I stared up at him. What the hell was I thinking? I was too busy caught up in trying to show all the reasons for Chase to stay that I forgot to truly spend time with him. He was so damn special. "I'm sorry." I mumble as Chase frowns at me, "I just wanted this day to be happy so you could remember it like this." "Hayden, how many times do I have to tell you I'm not going to leave you." Chase grumbles and I could feel him getting angry right now. I meet his glare, "You can't say that." His jaw clenches, "Yes I can." "No you can't!" I exclaim as I push up, "I want to be fucking selfish and keep you here all to myself! But I don't want to be holding you back from something you want as well. That's not fair." "Hold me back all you fucking want, Hayden Jones." Chase says as he sits up as well. I turn to face him so my folded legs were against the front of his thigh. "I don't care as long as it's you and me. Only us, don't you get that?" "Yes I do. But like you said you need time to figure things out." I explain as I reach up and play with the strand of hair that had fallen onto his forehead, "Maybe you also need that time to figure out us. We're in this type of honeymoon stage and our judgement is a little bit fuzzy at the moment." "What are you saying, Jones? Don't fucking tell me you want to break up again. I can't do that—I won't do that." Chase seethes as he takes a hold of my wrist. "No, I'm not saying that we break up." I laugh at the preposterous accusation. Chase starts playing with my hand in his lap,  "I'm saying take your time when you leave. Don't text me, don't call or don't even think about me. I want you to at least experience what the world could be without me." "I already did and I fucking hated it." Chase mumbles angrily while playing with the fingers of my left hand in his lap. He was increasingly focused on my ring finger and it made my stomach drop because I knew what he was thinking. "Chase," I sigh out as he glances up at me with a heart-breaking expression, "Please do this for me." He pauses for a second, "Okay." "And if you end up choosing me, I'll be so fucking happy." I grin as a smile pulls at his lips, "But if you end up choosing you, I'll be fine with that. This whole time I've been so selfish with you and all you have ever been is kind and giving. I want you to be selfish this time okay?" Chase nods silently and I lean forward and kiss his lips softly. "I love you." I whisper as Chase's eyes flicker up to mine. "I love you." Chase replies as he kisses me back. I smile at him while staring deep into his eyes. Even though I hated it, I at least had to give him a choice. He never had a choice in anything that happened before. From getting shot to me breaking up with him. None of it was his choice. I loved him so much and I knew he needed this time to figure things out with a clear head. I wasn't going to be there to distract him from his own life. "Well, after all that vigorous activities, I need a drink." I smirk as I go to turn around my Chase grabs my hand to stop me. I glance over my shoulder at him with a confused frown. "I'll get it." He explains as he hops out of bed and pulls on his  board short. He then crawls back on to the bed and kisses my forehead, "Go have a shower, I'll join you later." "Okay." I smile at him as he quietly leaves the bedroom. I huff as I throw myself back down on the bed. I felt like crying and screaming but nothing came out. I just stared mindlessly up at the ceiling. After a bit of silence, I pull myself from the bed and grab a white folded towel from the top of the dresser. As I was wrapping it around my naked body, I could hear cheering and clapping from downstairs. Then all of a sudden it stops. I frown at the door but nonetheless continue to wrap my body in the towel and then leave for the bathroom.