***Chapter Thirty-Six***
There was Cameron assessing the situation he just saw. Normally, I’d think nothing of him witnesses my encounters with Drew, but this was different. We weren’t sharing a small hug or idle chitchat. Drew and I were in a situation that made little sense to me. An *entanglement*, if you will. Something I should not have got myself caught up in. No matter how irresistible Drew was.
Now Cameron took notice of our interaction, making me unable to think of what to say. I wonder if Drew noticed him there before he walked away. That could be why he left so abruptly. However, it made little sense considering I only just noticed his presence. Being wrapped up in Drew almost makes you forget other people are around you, I suppose. Either way, I had to explain this to Cameron without giving too much away. Cameron is smart, though. He’ll be able to see right through me even without explicitly saying it.
Gulping, I looked away, trying to find the words to speak. There wasn’t anything for me to say without giving myself away. I’ve been keeping this a secret, even from Dillon. I’m afraid they’d judge me if I were to tell them the truth. I was messing around with someone in a relationship. Someone in a relationship with another person who I kind of consider a friend. It’s disgusting of me to think about, but maybe he’ll understand because he knows how I feel. We were close friends, after all.
Smirking, Cameron walks closer to me with knowing eyes. “Care to tell me what’s going on?” He wanted answers.
Sighing, I cross my arms, almost happy I got caught. “Yes,” I say. “But not here.”
He agrees and follows me to the food court in the mall. I still didn’t know what I would say to get him to understand me. This was a big deal that shouldn’t have been shared with anyone. I also didn’t know how Drew would feel about me saying anything to Cameron. He didn’t exactly like him when he first started coming around. That was more because of a misunderstanding, but still. Drew explicitly said secret benefits. Secret means no one can know, but I feel like I owe it to Cameron to tell him. It would help to get whatever I was feeling off my chest as well.
We sat down at a table with a couple of drinks to accompanying us. At first, we sat in silence, waiting for the other to speak. I was nervous about saying anything. Even though we were somewhere more private, anyone could still be listening. In order for this to work, I had to let go of that fear holding me back. Cameron was like my best friend. If I couldn’t confide in him, who else could I go to?
Leaning back, Cameron smiled, ready to listen. “So, what was that conversation back there?”
I sipped my drink before answering. “Remember when I asked you guys about the *friends with benefits* ordeal?” I gage his memory.
He nods, still not getting what I’m saying. “I’m listening…” He trails off.
Taking a deep breath, I look at my cup when saying this. “Well, the person who wanted to do it was…Drew,” I say, nervous for his reaction.
His eyes bulge out of his head. “Wait, you’re joking, right?” He was in disbelief.
I shake my head, fearing for the worst. The way he responded to me didn’t leave me with a good feeling. Like Dillon, his opinion meant a lot to me as a friend. He didn’t agree with pining after Drew while he’s dating someone else. He thinks I’m wasting my time and should find myself. How would he feel knowing I’ve been secretly seeing him as well? Surely he’d think I’m stupid. Maybe I should rethink this.
Shaking my head, I purse my lips. “I know it’s stupid but…”
“I don’t think it’s stupid, Anna.” He said to my surprise. “More shocking than stupid.”
I loved his answer, but still worried. “You don’t think I should stop? I mean, it’s Juliana’s boyfriend.” I argue.
He rolls his eyes. “What did I tell you before?” He questions, to which I shrug. “That the only person barring any responsibility to her is Drew. If he can’t bring himself to be committed, that’s on him.”
I wanted to listen to him, but I was her friend. If Juliana even considered me to be one. Wouldn’t I have some commitment to her as a friend? This was breaking every code in the book, and I couldn’t stay away. Drew had me in this hold that I couldn’t seem to get out of. No matter how hard I try, either. My fear being Juliana finds out and then what’ll happen? Juliana would end me before I could even get words out to explain myself.
At the same time, I did like Drew before I even knew of her existence. Turning off my feelings just because we became friends is a lot harder than it seems. We also didn’t talk to each other back in high school. They were both super popular back then and wouldn’t even give me the time of day. If we would have been friends then, it’ll be a lot easier to shut them off. It’s not like she’d believe me, anyway. No matter what I say to defend myself, Juliana would have none of it.
“I don’t know Cam. I don’t want her thinking I’m trying to get between them.” I wasn’t trying to at all.
Cam smiles again. “Are you having fun, Annabelle?” He questions.
I smile back. “Lots of it.” I admit.
“Then have fun, as long as you will not end up heartbroken. Who cares?” His optimistic view always amazes me. “I’m glad to know my judgement was right.”
Now my eyes roll. “He doesn’t like me. I can promise you that.” I reassure him.
It’s hard to tell how Drew felt. He’ll go around introducing me as his close *friend* to everyone else. In private, he’ll do a 180 and tell me how jealous he is when I’m with Keegan. The one being confusing throughout this whole ordeal is definitely Drew. How was I supposed to respond if he didn’t know what he wanted? If he truly had any other feelings than lust for me, I’m positive he would tell me. Drew had no problem saying the things that were on his mind. This shouldn’t be any different.
Cam scoffed. “Keep telling yourself that, princess. I saw the way he was holding you.” He argued.
Shaking my head, I stood up to walk over to him. I grabbed his hands to stand him up as well before wrapping my arms around him. I’m glad to have someone like Cameron to not judge me based on my decisions. He truly cared for me like a friend and I couldn’t ask for anyone better than him. Even when I want to kill him sometimes, I would never find another friend like him. It was fate when we talked to each other at the Coffee-House.
He hesitated before putting his arms around me and resting his head on mine. He squeezed the life out of me and I didn’t mind. I wanted him to know much I valued his friendship. The others might take it the wrong way, seeing as we were tangled in each other. They were stupid, though.
Speaking of them, we could hear everyone yelling for us to come on. We did so and, of course; I was met with a weird look from Drew. He told me he was the jealous type. Whenever he felt something was his, he wouldn’t like anything touching it. However, I wasn’t his, and he had no reason to get jealous. The only one he should be worried about is Juliana. We weren’t anything exclusive and, to my disappointment, we would stay that way.
****
Later that night, I went to Drew’s dorm, when I probably shouldn’t have. It was nighttime, and we had classes the next morning. Wouldn’t Dre want to be in his own bed? Even if he goes with Dillon, I’m sure he’ll question where I was. Being discrete about this would get harder and harder. It’s not like when there are classes. I picked early enough choices to where I have a lot of free time compared to everyone else. Doing something like this on a Sunday was the sure way to get us caught.
There was no turning back as I reached his door, hesitant to knock on it. Once I mustered up the courage, it didn’t take long for Drew to open the door. He pulled me inside before closing it. It was all one swift motion from him closing the door, to pushing me up against it, to then crashing his lips on mine hungrily. I don’t even think I had time to respond before he did so.
Not that it mattered. Any time he kissed me, my body went off in a frenzy. I was hungry for him just as he was for me, if not more. The way my heart pounded in my chest from a small gesture was enough to realize how smitten I was. Though it shocked me, he would just kiss me like that. I couldn’t deny the feelings he submerges in my body. My heart is full every time he so as looks at me.
Parting our lips, Drew’s hands stay cupping my face as he towers over me. I stare into his eyes with flushed cheeks, waiting for him to say something. Maybe an explanation
why he did that so suddenly. Nothing ever makes sense when Drew is involved.
“Was that satisfying?” He pants, stroking my cheek with his thumb.
I gulped, trying to find the words to speak. “It was…it was great, but why?” I couldn’t help but ask.
He gives me this serious expression, like he needed to know the answer to this question. “Better than say…Keegan?”
My face falls a little. “Drew…”
“You know what, don’t answer that,” he drops his hands. “I don’t want to know.”
He might have thought I would say something else, but the truth is, Keegan didn’t give me those feelings that Drew did. Everything I did with Drew felt a thousand times better. I want to believe that he knows how I feel. Yet every time something comes up, it seems like the opposite. I can’t be too sure where his head is at given the circumstances. It would be so much more helpful if he made his thoughts more clear to me. Getting him to talk about his past was hard. I shouldn’t have expected him to openly talk about his feelings.
Sitting on his bed, I sit next to him cautiously. I didn’t know why he wanted to see me tonight or if we should even see each other to begin with. There were some things I wanted to ask him but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I should enjoy myself with him instead of worrying about the little things. Whenever he felt like expressing himself to me, he would. It was going to take time, that’s all.
Glancing in my direction, Drew looked back down at his fingers nervous like. “Sorry, I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable,” he says with worry in his tone.
I shake my head with a giggle. “You never make me feel that way,” I reassure him. “A bit confused, but you’re just mysterious that way.”
His eyes met mine with a smile on his face. “That’s fair,” he chuckles before getting serious again. “I got in my head, I guess.” He sighs.
“Got in your head about what?” I wonder, searching his eyes for an answer.
I wouldn’t find it just by looking at him. I was doubtful he would be honest with me about what he was thinking. He likes to beat around the bush or I just don’t like to believe what he’s saying. He could slap me in the face with how much he feels for me. Yet I would still say it’s not true. As much as I wanted him to feel how I did, I knew it wasn’t likely to happen. Just because he says something doesn’t mean that feeling will last. I fully believe that if I weren’t talking to Keegan, this wouldn’t even be happening. He wouldn’t have asked to kiss me. He wouldn’t have wanted to be friends with the added benefits. I’d be a nobody like I was back at home. What was his issue with Keegan? Why was he so obsessed?
Drew shrugs, almost afraid of my reaction. “I don’t know. I just hate seeing you with him, Annabelle.” He doesn’t look at me when he speaks.
“Seeing me with who?” I needed more of an explanation.
“Keegan!” He yells. “Is it that important for you to like him?” Now he was speaking off emotions that I couldn’t quite read.
I’m still confused, but answer him as best I could without giving myself away. “I’m just having fun,” I say.
“Can’t you just have fun with me?” He asks.
I stare at him, perplexed by what to say next. I don’t understand what he was trying to hint at. All of this was his idea, and yet he wanted to control me seeing Keegan while he still does what he does with Juliana. That didn’t seem like it was fair to me and he wouldn’t provide me with a valid reason to why he was thinking like that. Whatever game he was trying to play, I wanted no parts of it. Drew would not have his cake and eat it, too. No matter how much I yearned for him.
Not saying another word, I make a B-Line for the door, but Drew stops me. A simple grab at my wrist was enough to make turn back toward him. I should have kept going. I could have released my wrist from his grip, but didn’t. I didn’t want to because my body didn’t want to leave. The need to want an answer to his weird behavior prompted me to stay put and listen. I made a promise that we could work through his problems together. If I just left, it would break that said promise. It didn’t change how frustrating this was.
Drew pulled me back into him as a breath hitched in my throat. He was so gentle, so attentive, even though I can tell he was fuming on the inside. He didn’t scream or yell at me. He didn’t even mind I tried to leave. He just wanted answers like anyone else would. I can tell that he is waiting to hear what I had to say about it. My approach to this would be crucial in how our relationship moves forward.
As much as I wanted to say yes, I wouldn’t. “No…I can’t,” I shake my head.
His face falls a bit before responding to me. “What is it going to take for you to realize he’s not what he seems?” This was always his answer.
I frown. “You providing me with evidence or just telling me how?” I say. “If he really isn’t how he seems, then I’ll do what I need to. In the meantime, as long as you’re still allowed to see your girlfriend, I’m going to see Keegan.”
Realizing I meant business, Drew didn’t argue anymore and instead pulled me in for a hug. I can feel all his emotions as he squeezed me tight. I can tell he was upset, but understanding as my point was clear. It’s not fair that he expected me to drop everyone I talked to and he still could have Juliana. If we were going to go that route, he may as well tell me how he felt, honestly. There’s not a chance he would do that, and he couldn’t tell me what was so bad about Keegan. I think Drew was being greedy and simply jealous. I wouldn’t say much else about it. Instead, embrace him, engulfing me the only way he knew how.
“One day, Annabelle, one day.” Is all he says while resting his chin on my head.
I squeeze him tighter, snuggling my face into his chest. *He smelled so heavenly*. “One day what?”
He smiles, squeezing my cheeks with his hands to lift my face up to his. “You’ll see.”