***Chapter Thirty-Five***
The following afternoon, we all headed to the mall that was close by to campus. All of us except for Kayla and Keegan. Although they were a part of our group, they also weren’t at the same time. They were more like extensions we would see occasionally. Kayla is a sweet girl, but her personality is so muted that she doesn’t exactly fit in with the rest of us. As for Keegan, he works so much that it’s hard for him to get any free time. It’s understandable considering he’s still in his 20s trying to survive. Though it didn’t stop me from thinking about last night.
There was so much happening that my mind couldn’t focus on just one thing. The kiss with Keegan was mainly occupying my mind. Not in a good or bad way. More like in a meh kind of way. It wasn’t bad, but it didn’t leave me wanting more either. Everything about Keegan is wonderful. His personality, the work ethic he clearly possesses. Part of me wishes I could like him more than the small amount I do. Yet the other part of me feels like I’m doing exactly what Dre told me not to. Which is not to use another guy to get over Drew. It was hard, since Drew was technically still dating Juliana. What else am I supposed to do?
Snapping her fingers, Dillon tried to get my attention as I zoned out. She knew nothing about what was going on with Drew and me. As much as it would help to talk about, I had to continue to keep it a secret. We didn’t need Juliana getting word of this. That’ll only make things worse for both of us.
“Earth to Anna. What’s got your mind so busy?” She asks as we rummage through clothes at our favorite store.
Sighing, I don’t make eye contact. “Oh, you know, just boy stuff.” I shrug.
She smiles softly. “Keegan or D.R.E.W?” She questions, spelling out his name.
I laugh at her. “Dare I say both?” They both were on my mind, but for completely different reasons.
There wasn’t much I could say about Drew other than how much I wished our relationship was different. Having the added benefits helped get my feel, but how long could we keep this up? This farce couldn’t go on forever without somebody finding out. There’s also the fact my jealousy gets the best of me sometimes. Every time I see him do anything with Juliana, my blood boils. He’s given me a taste of what it’s like to be with him. My body, my heart wanted to get closer the more we spend time together. In Drew’s words, I’m just a close friend. It feels like that’s all I’ll be.
Dillon, in a relationship of her own, understood what I meant. It took her forever to even give Dre the time of day. From the looks of it, they both seem like they’re happy and thriving. I definitely chose the wrong friend to fall for, but I was happy she was finally coming around to her feelings. Even if she says they’re not exclusive at the moment. Dre certainly didn’t act like they weren’t.
She crosses her arms and smiles. “Are you going to torture yourself every time we hang out?” She wonders. “You have someone like Keegan, ready to whisk you off your feet.”
Her point is correct, but my heart wasn’t in it. “I know…I just can’t get over him. No matter how hard I try, Dill.” I argue. “And believe me, I’ve tried.”
“You have to be moving on in some way right? That kiss with Keegan didn’t look to be innocent.” She pointed out.
I shrug again. “Maybe it was just hormones doing all the pushing.” I say. There wasn’t much of a spark I felt between us, but I enjoyed his company.
Dillon’s face softens. “I don’t want you to keep wallowing over my stupid brother, Anna.” Her concern was clear. “At least try a little harder with Keegan.”
I had no problem trying with Keegan. Spending time and doing semi-romantic things with him would be easy. It’s moving things to the next level that’s hard. To put it simply, I don’t want to get into a relationship with someone while still being hopelessly in love with Drew. The main takeaway was that I should have never agreed to his proposal, but I saw it as a way to benefit me. Regardless of how envious I get of Juliana, having Drew in any way makes me feel good. Even if it is going against boundaries, that should be respected.
Dillon is right and that I needed to try harder with Keegan. I could just be letting my emotions cloud my judgement. Keegan and I could have something real. The more I let my personal feelings get in the way, I’ll never be able to truly see it. There is also a part of me that keeps hearing Drew in my head whenever I’m around him. He seems to think Keegan isn’t all that he seems, but refuses to elaborate on the matter. I couldn’t judge Keegan without seeing for myself. Maybe I want Drew to be right so I wouldn’t have to try so hard to get over him.
In any case, I didn’t have time to respond to Dillon when we both see Drew walking over to us. His green eyes are bright with desire when looking at me. He and Dillon still had a weird relationship, so instead of sticking around, she walks away to find the others. I’m not complaining either way. Having Drew around me alone made for special moments between us. Though I wish he would talk to his sister. They were missing out on things I knew they had in common. What’s it going to take for one of them to budge?
Making it in front of me, Drew smiles as I look away from him. I keep looking through clothes to avoid his gaze. I’m not mad at him, more like indifferent to the situation at hand. He hasn’t changed his stance on the matter, nor has he promised anything more than what we agreed to. But dammit, it’s hard pretending that it doesn’t hurt to see him with Juliana. I couldn’t let him know that, though.
Noticing my behavior, Drew continues to follow me, never missing a beat. “You find anything you like?” He starts a conversation.
I shrug. “Not necessarily,” I say.
Drew can always pick up when something is wrong. Which is why I wasn’t shocked when he asked me his next question. “Are you feeling alright, Annabelle?’ His brow raises.
“Why do I get the sense that you’re mad at me?”
My behavior was irrational, but I’m acting purely off emotions. “I’m not mad at you,” I defend myself. “I’m just not happy.”
He scoffs. “You sure seemed happy stuffing your tongue down Keegan’s throat last night.” He retorts.
I snap my head at him with anger in my eyes. “Only because you were doing the same with Juliana, or did you forget?” I question.
Obviously, this wasn’t healthy for either of us to be doing. I shouldn’t be getting mad at him for doing what he does with Juliana. That is his girlfriend, and she came first before anything. It’s so hard not to feel the way I do when I couldn’t compare to her. From the beauty to the brains. Hell, she was even more talented than I was. Anything she does, I can bet I’ll do it 10 times worse. Juliana was someone you just couldn’t compete with, no matter how hard you tried. I don’t even know what Drew seen in me to want to keep us close together. Especially not when he had someone like her. I guess you could say I was confused.
That didn’t stop Drew from playing around getting this devious smirk on his face. “Is somebody jealous?” He wondered with glee.
Yes. “No, Annabelle Lee never gets jealous,” I lied right through my teeth.
Suddenly, Drew’s eyes darken as he steps closer to me. “That’s too bad because you see,” he pauses for a moment. “People like me…we get extremely jealous.” His voice is deep, dark even.
I bit my lip out of nerves but also by how eerily attracted I am to him. “What are you trying to say, Drew?” I ask him in the quietest of tones.
He licks his lips as one of his arms snakes around my waist. He pulls me into him as my hands couldn’t help but grasp at his fully defined chest. Hidden away in his oversized clothing. My cheeks were red hot with how close we were. This was dangerous, given that Juliana was around. She could spot us at any moment, and then what do we do? There’s no way you could deny the chemistry there is between us. One wrong move and we’re dead.
Drew plays it safe, though, taking his free hand to caress my cheek. It’s hard not to shudder at his touch. Even the little things get me so worked up and he knows it. There’s no way at this point that he’s not doing it on purpose. The look in his eyes tells me he knows exactly what to do and when to do. I didn’t stop him either, as much as I probably should have.
“It drove me insane seeing you kiss Keegan last night,” he whispers. “Is it your goal to make me jealous?”
I gulped, not sure how to answer him. “N-no,” I stutter.
He untangles himself from me, his eyes lighten up again. “Do you like him?” He always asks so many questions about Keegan. “Be honest.”
My shoulders go up again with a slight head shake. “I’m…I’m not sure.” I admit. “Does it matter?”
Sighing, his hands find their way in his pockets. “I guess not…” He trails off. “In any case, I expect to see you later.” He informs me.
Walking away, I look on, confused about what just happened and where to meet him. Did he only come over here to get a rise out of me? Not only did he get a rise, but he also expected me to meet up with him later. He didn’t even tell me where we were supposed to go. This friends with benefits situation gave him way more power than he should have. I couldn’t help but think it looked good on him. There’s also the fact that he told me he was jealous. What would his reason be for being jealous of Keegan?
Regardless, I drop my hands to my side dramatically, yelling back at him. “Meet you where?” I ask him.
He turns around with that penetrating smile. “In my dorm, of course,” he winks.
My cheeks flush once more as he continues to walk away from me. Drew’s hold is so strong that I couldn’t possibly let it go. Dillon would be upset that I’m not pushing myself how I should to get over him. She doesn’t know what he does to me that makes me want to stay right where I am. Whether or not it’s the smart decision; Drew was special, unique, even. There’s only one way to find out where this is going to go. I had to see it through, right?
Excited to see him alone later, there was one more problem I had to deal with beforehand. I didn’t know he was watching us or how much he had seen. Either way, this was going to be a long explanation that I didn’t want to be having so soon. What Drew and I are doing is so new, so fresh. Getting caught this soon wasn’t on my radar and now I was a bit in hot water. How do I get myself out of this one?
“Smells like someone has a secret waiting to be unfolded.”
***
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