Chapter 84 I Understand

Chapter 84 I Understand
Jasmine

It's after one when I get home. I know Cody's still angry, and deservedly so. I should have refused my boss, but I haven’t been there long, and I don’t want to seem unreliable or risk losing my job, especially since losing it was tough last time. I'll make it up to him. I should have come home on time and had our date night. It was a bad move, and I regret it. I shouldn't have agreed to stay out. 

I slip off my shoes and head to the bedroom. I have a box containing a couple of slices of carrot cake. It is one of his favourites. I made sure to keep a couple of slices aside for him. I know it won’t make up for everything, but hopefully it will be a start. 

The place is quiet, and everyone appears to be asleep. Our friends might still be out because, as far as they know, tonight was meant for Cody and me to spend some alone time. I walk into the bedroom. The bedside lamp is on, but the bed is empty. I look around the apartment for Cody, but he isn't anywhere to be found. It seems I am the only one here. He must have gone out. 

Sighing, I sit on the bed and place the box of cakes on the bedside table. He must have decided to go out after learning I was working late. I grab my cell from my bag and call him, but it just rings out. He might not hear me, or he might be intentionally ignoring me. If he's ignoring me, I understand, and he'll call back when he's ready. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to know if he's okay. I then compose a text to him. 

Hey, I know you are mad at me, but are you okay? Where are you? xx

If I know he's okay, I can relax a bit and let him unwind. I stare at the screen, and the message shows as read. I see the little dots indicate he's typing, and shortly after, I get his reply. 

I am fine. I am out with our friends. 
Okay, I’m home now. I’ll see you when you get back, whenever that may be xx

At least I know he's safe and with our friends rather than drinking alone. I assume he will drink, as that's how he copes. Maybe less now than before, but it still happens. Clearly, he's still angry with me because if he weren’t, he wouldn’t have been brief, and there would have been kisses at the end. 

Yes, I wish he were home, but I can’t say much because if we had followed the plan, I would have been home six hours ago. I can’t blame him. I wait to see if I get another reply, but I don't. I put my cell aside. 

I head to the kitchen to put the cake in the fridge and grab a bottle of water. I need to shower. I don’t have the energy, but it was warm today, and I've been on my feet all day. I am hot and sweaty. I don’t want to go to bed smelling like that. After my shower, I will go straight to bed. Whether I sleep or not will be another matter. I may end up staying awake until Cody arrives home. 

I grab what I need, walk to the bathroom, strip, turn on the shower, and step in. I lean against the wall, letting the warm water relax my muscles. Tonight, I feel tense all over. I don’t stay long. As soon as I finish, I go back to the bedroom, dry off, and get into bed. I plan to watch a movie to stay awake longer. Even if I fall asleep, I won’t enter a deep sleep until Cody gets home. I can’t fully relax without him here. 

I have work tomorrow, but luckily, I don’t start until two, so I don't need to wake up early. I have some studying to do, but it won’t take much time. I settle in comfortably, but moments later, my stomach growls. I should eat something, even a small amount, since I haven’t eaten much today. I need to stop skipping meals, or Cody will start preparing food for me again. He already has enough on his plate without adding that to his tasks. 

With a groan of frustration, I drag myself out of bed and head to the kitchen once more. I make a cheese-and-ham sandwich, add some potato chips, and pour myself some peach tea. I doubt I’ll need to get up again for a while. 

Settling back into bed, I check my cell to see if Cody has responded. Still no reply. Disappointed, I set it aside and concentrate on my food. My thoughts wander to the past few weeks. Cody and I haven’t shared more than a few hours together, aside from sleeping. We always sleep next to each other, regardless of what time I get home or when we have to leave in the morning. 

I feel selfish for ruining our plans tonight. I know he would have tried hard, as he always does, and has been so patient with me. And yet, I do this? Guilt overwhelms me. 

Tonight, there's little I can do. I have to wait until tomorrow to talk with him. If he's been drinking, trying to resolve things now would be pointless, as we'd argue. He wouldn’t listen, and I don’t want to start a fight. My goal is to improve the situation, not make it worse. 

I grab my phone to send him a final message in case I doze off. 

Please stay safe, my love. I just want to say goodnight in case I'm asleep when you get here. I'm truly sorry. I love you, xxx

He probably won’t text back, but that’s okay. I sigh, settling in again and attempt to watch the movie. I won’t focus much on it since my mind will be elsewhere, but at least it provides some background noise to keep me from going stir-crazy.