Chapter 12 — Giving Up

I woke up the next morning, feeling like my old worthless self. Knowing me, Ms. Margaret leave me alone with my thoughts. She would sometimes try and talk to me, but I was not feeling it.

I could even see them in the morning now. Shadows lurking in the corner. Like they were trying to talk to me. They would shout at me, laugh at me, and suddenly cry in front of me. I would draw them in detail, I could see them clearly now.

Their horrid features, their black shiny eyes, their wrinkles, their long and slender nails. I would reach out my hands to them, trying to feel them. But nothing, I couldn't touch anything, just air. Sometimes it felt warm, another time it felt cold, and in other instances, I felt prickles of spark like electricity.

I didn't have the appetite to eat nor drink. I would just stay in the corner and draw. Until that afternoon, Anthony came for me. I didn't know how he found me, but he did.

I heard him thanking Ms. Margaret for taking me in. Martha was there also. She was taking care of all of my things. She was putting them into the car. She sat up front with Bert, while Anthony wrapped his arms around me, and sits in the back with me. He kept on trying to talk to me. But I just stayed silent, and I retreated to the far corner of my mind.

He carried me upstairs to his room. I wouldn't eat nor drink. Martha would try and feed me but could never get me to finish my meal. I was done living my life. I didn't feel like I wanted to live anymore. It was just easier for me to die.

I was giving up.

I didn't know how many times I've heard Anthony explained about Candice. Martha would also back him up, but I just tuned them out. I couldn't talk anymore. I was too broken.

It was not about Candice anymore. It was about Anthony. It was about everyone that I love leaving me behind. I was done loving. I was done living. I love him too damn much. It was just not worth it. He was going to leave me anyway someday, so why bother.

I would sit in my corner and just draw. My room was full of my sketches now. I would see them often now. The darkness was surrounding me, and I didn't care anymore. There would be scratches and bruises on my body, where they would touch me and trying to take me into the darkness. But I would never get far. Anthony would show up and hold me in his arms keeping me safe.

It seemed that my sadness was pulling them in. I would see them from outside my windows looking in, while the others just wait outside standing.

I've had become frantic in my drawings. I would ask Martha to buy me more canvas and paints. Then I would stay in the studio for hours, wishing that I could vanish with all of my drawings.

Until one rainy afternoon, I went outside, and breakdown crying. I stayed there for hours until Anthony found me and carried me back inside.

"Lilian…it's been days, please talk to me. I can't stand seeing you like this." He kissed my temple, and I finally looked into his eyes. He looked tired, and I just caress his cheek and say "It's okay, you can let me go now. I will be at peace." He left me with Martha that afternoon.

But instead of leaving me, he was back that night with Ann. She was surprised to see me. "Lilian…my goodness what did you do to yourself? Anthony! There are so many. It surrounds hers. What happened? How did it get this bad? She's breaking down Anthony! She's giving up." She hugged me and suddenly I feel the warmth. I've been so cold for days. I could feel myself slipping away day by day.

She left me for a while to bark her orders to Anthony and Martha. She sounded really upset. Then she ushered me to the bathroom, and undressed me, and slowly put me in the bathwater. She sat on the side and transferred her warmth to me.

"Lilian darling, please stay with us. I don't know your story yet. But we're not leaving you. I'm going to transfer my energy to you now, and I will need you to open yourself for me." she said softly as she kissed my hair and rubbed my bruised arms.

"Anthony loves you, darling. I love you. Even Martha and Bert love you. We all care about you. You need to let me in Lilian."

I could feel her warmth as she closed her eyes and touched my hand. It was like a prickle of electrical current from Ann to me. She stayed with me until she deemed enough, then called out Martha to assist me in getting dress.

I moved to Anthony's room. She said that his room had the most positive energy for me. The rest of the house was full of bad vibes. She told Martha to give me dinner and some wine, then she went down the hallway with Anthony. I could see her having a heated discussion with Anthony.

I just finished my dinner and a glass of wine, when Ann came to me smiling. She said thank you to Martha for sitting in on me, making sure that I finish my meal. Martha smiled back and nodded, then leave us to our privacy.

"Lilian darling, I'm going to stay here for a couple of days. I will need to clean the house. Your energy is drawing all of them in honey. It's not good, you need to fight this. Don't give up on us. Because we're not giving up on you. We all love you, honey. Anthony has told me everything." She hugged me and kissed my temple.

"Now, I'm going to let Anthony sleep with you now. You will need his energy to recuperate. You need to take him in Lilian. If you truly love him, please give him a shot. I've never seen him like this. He's really hurting seeing you like this and can't do anything about it. So please Lilian…please let him help you." Ann wiped my tears, that I didn't even realize I shed.

"Very good Lilian, a shed tear is telling me you're slowly letting my energy in. Now, I'm going to leave you with Anthony to absorb his energy. I will see you in the morning. I love you, Lilian, we all love you. Please stay with us." She hugged me one last time before she closes the curtain, holding her hand out releasing her energy to the spirit waiting outside the windows. Then she walked out of the room, leaving me to wait for Anthony.