Chapter 11 — Breaking Down

I was at my studio, still finishing off on my painting from the previous day. School today ended quite early, and I didn't have any more classes. So, I decided to go straight home.

That afternoon I was still feeling tired, and sleepy after last night with Anthony. We didn't get much sleep. He went to the office later than usual after he dropped me off at campus.

It was around three in the afternoon when I heard someone at the front door. I thought I heard Martha opened the door. Then I decided to check who it was.

A beautiful looking blonde woman was wearing an expensive-looking dress stood in the living room. She looked around like she was waiting for someone and then she saw me.

"Ah…and you must be the adopted annoying little sister Anthony told me about. Lilian, right?" She looked straight at me with her vicious smirk.

Martha was oblivious to what was going on. "I'm sorry Lilian, she just barged in." She said looking annoyed, by the blonde woman.

"Sorry, but Anthony was supposed to meet me. He must've forgotten with all of his busy schedules, and on top of that he has to take care of his adopted sister." She kept on babbling on and on and I was ready to burst.

Who is this woman?

Anthony never told me that he has a girlfriend, and yet I never did ask.

Fuck you, universe! I fucking hate you!

I tried to keep my voice calm, but I failed. "And who might you be?"

I could feel Martha was looking at me. She was walking towards me, knowing that I was retreating myself to that little girl she once knew when I first got here thirteen years ago.

"I'm Candice, Anthony's pregnant girlfriend." She smiled smugly at me.

With that statement, Martha quickly walked to Candice. I couldn't hear what she was saying to her. But she was showing Candice to the door. She was upset, but Martha could be very persistent when she wanted to.

I slumped to the floor my eyes watered, my heart was broken into millions of pieces. Martha rushed to my side.

"Lilian…come my child, no more tears. She's not the first woman, with her silly claim on Anthony. You need to hear the truth from Anthony honey."

I grabbed her and hugged her. I was crying in her embrace.

"I know how you feel about him, and I know how he feels about you honey. Come let me help you to your room. Then you can talk to Anthony when he gets back. Okay?" she said helping me get up and walked me back to my room. I just nodded; I couldn't form any sentences.

See Lilian…everybody finally leaves you alone.

I waited in my room until Martha had gone home for the day. Then I packed my sketchbook, pencils, and some clothes. I asked Diane to come and pick me up, saying that I needed to leave the house.

"Shit Lilian what happened? ok, I'm picking you up right now." She asked in her worry tone. But did as I asked her to do and fifteen minutes later, I was out of the house.

Diane didn't ask me anything until we got to her place, and I told her about Candice. "Oh! I'm going to kill the guy. But why are you running away? Why don't you face him?"

"Don't you get it D? Everyone leaves me! Shit, I shouldn't even call you. Fuck, I'm so sorry D. I need to go." I burst out running with my backpack from her apartment.

It was pouring rain, I cried as I walk down the streets aimlessly. I was shivering hugging myself until I was walking to a familiar neighborhood. I finally stop in front of the door, I knocked and waited just like I did when I was five.

She opened the door. She looked older but still dressed the same way. "Ms. Margaret? It's me, Lilian."

She was surprised to see me, wet and crying on the porch.

"Lilian? My goodness, come in darling. Oh my, you're soaking wet. Come, why don't you stay for tonight okay? I'll show you to your old room?"

Not waiting for my reply, she was ushering me upstairs to the end of the hall.

"You should shower, and I will get your dinner and a cup of hot chocolate to warm you up. Then we will talk, if not you can rest first. Whichever you want. But now, shower first." She gave me a towel and help me put my bag aside, then she leaves me to take a shower. She kissed my temple before she closed the door behind her.

I was getting my clothes from my backpack when I heard my phone ring from inside the bag. I picked it up instinctively, without checking the caller. I was truly tired.

"Lilian, where are you? Why aren't you home?" Anthony sounded worried on the other line.

I only answered "Candice" then I hung up and turned off the phone.

Stripping my clothes off, I stood under the hot shower and cried my heart out. Then I started to slump to the floor, hugging my knees feeling my like I couldn't even breathe anymore.

I was sobbing, feeling like my heart couldn't handle any of this. It hurts so much, why was I feeling so much sadness? I didn't want to feel this.

It was tearing my heart apart; I couldn't stand it. I was not built for it. I didn't think I could survive this. I kept hugging my knees, crying, rocking myself, trying to control my tears but I kept on failing to do so.

Ms. Margaret took me out of the shower an hour later and helped me get dressed. She said that I have a fever and that I should rest.

She tucked me in just like when I was five. My tears trailed down again, and she wiped it away. She leaned in and kissed me goodnight.

I woke up in the middle of the night. It hit me, like the first time I was there. I couldn't get up. But at that time, I didn't fight it. I was tired, maybe I could finally rest after this.

I could feel it under me. Like it was trying to grab me, but I just didn't care anymore. I let it be. If it wanted to take me then I would let it. I was tired of fighting it. Maybe, instead of everyone leaving me. I should leave them first. Maybe I should just die, maybe I was not meant for this world.

Now I could feel nothing under me. Then I laughed at myself. Thinking even the entity left me. I got up and get my drawing kit and started to draw, then I saw another figure at the end of the hall.

This one was tall and lanky. I saw it, as it saw me. I was challenging it to come closer. I was not afraid anymore. I was looking for it now, I was asking for death. I wanted to be dead, then I cried. It hurts so much; it would be easier just to die. Maybe then I'd see my mommy, and Janet and David again. I smiled remembering them, then I cry again. God…I've gone crazy.

I put down my sketchbook, and in seconds drifted off to sleep. Hopefully forever.