Chapter 27 CHAPTER 27
ALIRA'S POV
No no no no…
This can't be happening, I was doing something wrong and I didn't know what that was.
I have avoided blinking since I got down here, because I was mortified at the possibility of getting sent back, just like it was the first time.
But now, that same exact thing was doing nothing for me.
I washed my eyes with water from the basin above the toilet seat, from where the remnants flowed into the flusher, and tried again.
And again.
I was losing my shit but I forced myself to hold it together, to keep trying, to… just do it.
But nothing was happening.
“Ahhh!!” I screamed out, the sound ripping from my throat unintentionally, and I quickly clamped my hands over my mouth.
I didn't need anyone in this godforsaken planet or realm to ever lay their eyes on me again.
Okay, maybe the Principal could teleport with me and all but that's about it.
I didn't want any witness to the madness that was happening in my head.
My options which weren't clear at the beginning, were now.
And as though I was targeted for misfortune in this place, that option wasn't working as quickly as I would like it to.
I refused to believe that this was permanent.
It worked before.
I remembered how hard it was for me to come here the second time, so I kept doing what worked.
I opened my mind to the memories I'd buried, tried to spark that feeling of desperation.
Well, it already existed, I just needed it to be as mind-numbing as it was when Baldwin nearly killed me.
I ingrained myself in that moment but nothing happened, except the panic coming back full force.
I remembered losing Momma, I remembered the burning, the pain while I was tied to Baldwin's father's table.
Every memory that could send my soul into a panic attack.
And yes, the panic attack was coming, tearing my mind to shreds, but all my blinking did nothing.
The water kept pouring, the sound irritating me with everything else happening.
I slammed it shut aggressively, the control tearing my skin and blood spewed out of my hand but even though it increased the pain, nothing. was. happening!
I cleaned the snot pouring from my nose aggressively, ignored the tears, grabbed the sink, and continued doing it, adamant that it would work.
It had to.
I can't stay here
Not when they clearly hate me, not when I was clearly weaker than everyone else, not when I hadn't even finished processing Momma's death.
I need to leave!
The more I thought about everything, the harder it was to breathe.
And when my body finally inhaled air, it was followed by loud, uncontrollable sobs.
Crumbling to the toilet floor, I fisted my hair aggressively, unable to accept the possibility of my being stuck here.
I didn't belong here.
I'm the oldest in my year and the weakest, ugliest, and most useless one.
Gerund’s words rang in my head again.
The sobs intensified.
Then hands began hitting the door, trying to open it.
I knew it was Erin, my nose had recognised her before she spoke.
“Alira? Are you alright?” She asked concernedly.
I tried answering, tried telling her to go away so I could try again but all that came out was more crying.
I hated it.
I hated it so much.
Hated how my blood boiled with unnamed emotions, boiled with fear of what was gradually becoming clear.
I was stuck here.
I was stuck in this beautiful place filled with pain and torture hiding in the people that walked the stony corridors.
And I was the only prey among predators.
“Come on Alira, open up! You can't keep crying forever. Let me in, will you?”
“I'm not sure why you're bothering, she's just being emotional… such a mess.”
The disdain in Akua’s voice hit harder now that I lost control of my emotions.
Now that I was bare and open and my walls were scattered all around me.
It hit like nails on a festering wound, hurting.
“Fuck off Akua,” Erin growled and began trying to force the door open.
“What's going on ladies?” I heard a masculine voice.
A hiccup attacked me, crying and shock weren't supposed to be in the same place at the same time I guess.
It was Asher.
I recognised his voice from earlier this morning, another smiling face that was probably about to hate me because why the hell was I unable to just. stop. crying!?
I furiously wiped my eyes as they explained something to him that I didn't listen to, my ears were ringing loudly and I was forcing myself to stop crashing out
I got up, and I went to the basin and turned on the faucet again and began pouring very cold water on my face.
This finally gave me a tiny dose of control just as the door slammed open, pulled off its hinges by Asher.
“Sorry,” he smiled at me, “I thought you were hurting yourself.”
“Like Kovar hadn't done enough of that?” I grumbled under my breath.
“Sorry, that was horrible of him.”
“And yet, no one is going to punish him or get him to stop.”
I was aware that I was transferring aggression to the innocent guy but the other alternative would be to keep crying on his chest.
Nope.
Anger has served me very well in the past, she's a familiar friend and I clutched tightly to her.
“This is actually quite unusual and no one knows –”
“I'm not interested in this conversation Asher,” I shut him off as I walked out of the bathroom. “Thank you for coming to check on me but I'm fine.”
“But your hand –”
“Is going to heal. Y'all are so confident that I'm dragon kin right? That's the reason why everyone is trying to see how quickly I can die I guess.”
“No…”
“Erin?” I went towards her, seeing her watch me with narrowed eyes. “Can we leave?”
“Dragon Theory is in fifteen minutes so we're going to have to do this tomorrow. You'll have to wear this outfit again tomorrow, sorry.”
I still held out hope that this was a glitch in the system, maybe the portal opened at a particular time of the day so I nodded, hoping I'd be able to blink back tonight.
“I'll see you guys later,” Asher waved from behind us, his charming smile irritating me further.
What's he so happy about?
“Thanks Asher,” Erin smiled back at him, her eyes twinkling.
I followed her to the next class, my eyes blinking rapidly.
I didn't care about disappearing in public anymore, so far I get out of here.
But as the day wore on, the truth began weighing heavier on my chest like lead.
I can't go back.