Chapter 38 Leaving Arden Behind
Lana's POV
My dad went to the hotel to take care of things, and we leave New York today. I feel as if I'm a zombie walking. After the emotions and tears, I still feel a heaviness and as if I am floating. Nothing around me gets my attention, its like I have no meaning. Is this all part of heartbreak when the one you love is out there and you are no longer together? It hurts and I am trying to just suppress it.
"You are eight weeks pregnant", the doctor said a moment ago. I am at the clinic, but I just hardly say anything. This is how I was when I got here and did what was needed to get the results and now I am sitting back in the chair across from the doctor. She is a dark-of-complexion woman, and she is polite.
She was writing on a page now, and I just looked at the way that her hand was moving. It's like I'm in a zone. She took brochures from the cabinet behind her and she placed them on the desk, right in front of me. "Those are some things to read through, those are some options," she said.
I continued to stare at the brochures, I swallowed because my mouth was dry, "Are those the termination options too?" I asked, finally looking up at her.
"Yes," she said.
"What happens when I decide to terminate the baby?" I asked.
"You are still early in your pregnancy so we will give you pills to naturally terminate the baby. It will pass as if you are miscarrying. The pain will be mild, but if you are eleven weeks, then the pain will be more. If you are over eleven weeks, then other procedures are done to terminate. I would say that you should think really carefully about this. It may not be easy, but think carefully about a decision when it comes to the baby," she said sympathetically.
"Can I have the termination pills, please?" I asked.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," I said, I wanted to keep it in case I really made up my mind.
I went back to the apartment and I started to pack my things, but it was only a few things that I needed. Folding my clothes, and waiting for my father to get back. Perhaps I wasn't meant to be here in the first place. This was very hard for me to do, but I forced myself to continue to pack.
Once I zipped my last bag, there was a knock on the door and then I went to go and open it. I slammed the door shut but it didn't. Arden stopped the door from closing in his face. "What the hell are you doing here?" I hissed at him, as the door was now wide open.
"I wanted to see you, and closing the door in my face is very disrespectful," he said with calmness.
"You are not my professor anymore and you are not my boyfriend either," I stated. He looked so sad as if I had punched him so hard.
"I won't let you leave New York," he said. "I will fight for you as long as I have to."
"The only problem is that you don't want the same things as me, so I would rather just leave while we are fresh and you can be with your son or do whatever the hell it is that you want to do. You kept very important things away from me while we were dating secretively for that matter. I don't think that I can just think that it was all that you have told me, because what else could there be? When in a relationship, and a couple first starts to date, you lay out the important things and that includes you being divorced and having a son. That is the first thing that you lay out. You do not keep things like that a secret or wait until who knows when to actually say it."
"I was afraid that you would leave me regardless, that is why I didn't say anything and I wanted to tell you so many times. I was afraid," he said.
"There is nothing to worry about if you would've just been open and honest with me from the beginning. That was the final straw for me. So I'm going back home, and you won't be seeing me ever again. I do hope that you can have a good relationship with Charl," I said while keeping it all together.
"I want it with you, I want to have Charl and you in my life, that is what I want," he said.
"Nothing will change my mind," I replied.
"Lana, I am not giving up on us," he said.
"It won't change a thing," My dad appeared behind him.
"What are you doing here?" my dad asked, scowling at Arden.
" I'm here to see your daughter. I don't want her to leave. I won't let her," he said.
"Well, that is not your decision to make. You messed up big time and if you hadn't messed this up then I might have allowed you to date Lana if you made her happy and treated her like a queen, but you didn't. So f^ck off," my dad hissed at him.
"I will not leave," he argued with my dad. I sighed as I got my things ready. I will leave my dad to take care of Arden.
I placed my bags in the lounge as my dad entered the apartment and then Arden entered after him. He grabbed one bag but I held onto it, looking into his eyes. They filled with so much sadness. "Let go," I said, calmly.
"No, I won't let you leave," he replied.
"I don't want to be here, so let go," I demanded.
"Let go, Arden," my dad jumped in. Arden's jaw clenched as we continued to hold our gaze. He was pleading with me but it wouldn't work. Finally, he let go.
My dad took the bags and started to pack them inside of the cars. Arden stepped closer to me and as I wanted to walk past him, he gripped my wrist gently. He leaned closer and he pressed his lips against mine, holding them there. Closing my eyes, being reminded of what it felt like to kiss him. He pulled inches away, opening my eyes. I stared at his parted lips.
"Does this remind you of what we have?" he asked softly, his warm breath on my lips.
"It's a reminder of what we no longer have," I replied as I pulled further away and as I looked into his eyes. That hurt him. As my dad entered, he let go of my wrist. I walked to my dad and he took the last bags to the cars.
I took a deep breath as this was it, the last that I would ever see Arden. "Are you ready?" my dad asked as he was done.
I nodded, "Yes," I hugged myself before I walked out of the apartment. My dad checked one last time if we had everything that we needed and I walked over to my car, but Arden just stood on one side, watching me as if someone had stolen his heart and he was so close to tears that it broke my heart to do this, but I have to. It is for my own good to stay far away from things such as this.
I got inside of my car and I started the engine and my dad locked up and got into his car. My heart was heavy and there was a lump in my throat. I am leaving and I'm leaving with his unborn baby that he doesn't know about. I clutched the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles turned white.
I drove away without looking at him. Tears started streaming down my face. This was hard, but I did it. I was strong enough to do it. I placed my hand on my flat belly. This was my next decision to think about. I have the pills that the doctor gave me if I have decided on it, but it is just so hard.
My dad and I pulled up at the airport space. He basically rented a parking space for the cars and my family has the money to pay for these things, even though we don't travel that often, but when they travel for business, they have their own cars. This is like nothing big for my parents.
We got inside of my family's private jet. I sat down and looked out of the window as I buckled myself in. My dad sat across from me. I can feel his eyes on me, but I just don't want to talk about anything.
"Lana," he said, and I looked at him as the flight took off. "How are you feeling?" he asked and I knew that he was concerned.
"How do you think, dad?" I asked.
"I don't want to lie and say that this is the best decision," I let out a heavy breath.
"Well, he is divorced and he has a son, he kept those important details away from me," I said.
"Your mother and I actually went through something similar so, in a way, we can relate," he replied.
"Is that why you didn't beat him up?" I asked.
"Part of it, I can tell that you both feel something more for each other. I just want my kids to be happy when you all find someone that you love. I had a word with Arden. I told him to give you time. If it is that you want him and love him, you will let him know if it is not too late, but of course, he wasn't happy with what I had to say. He just didn't want you to go. Your mother and I went through a lot in our relationship and we overcame everything. If you two are meant to be, then it will be, you both will find your way back to each other, just like your mother and I have. We are happy and we have a beautiful family. Take your time with moving on" he said.
"It sure hurts as hell," I stated.
"It does, but I want you to be happy with someone that you love," he said. That just took me by surprise. I guess he is really changing due to his health. He would've probably been arguing with me by now.
"How are you doing, dad?" I asked. I hadn't asked him this question because I was too wrapped up in my own things.
" I'm okay, but I'm taking things easy and one thing at a time," he smiled at me, "I don't want you to worry about me."
"I do worry about you since you told me what is going on with your health. I want to get into university and study business as we have discussed about so that I can take over Sternpoint and you can just relax at home," I state, although I am not happy with this outcome. My dad is more important and now I am more determined to do this than I was before because I want the stress off from my dad.
"You will do great," he said. "Your mother will be happy to see you."
"I know," I finally smiled, it felt strange to smile while I have hurt. Then I am reminded of the man that I left behind. That broke my heart and my smile faded away as I looked out of the window and at the clouds.
I was carrying a piece of him inside of me, at least it is the only piece that I have of him. "Keep in mind that nothing has really changed at home. Things can still be quite hectic. If you want to move into an apartment of your own, then you can," he said.
"Thanks, dad," He knows how irritated I get with my siblings around. I have always been the girl to be in her room every day just avoiding the drama and anything else that came with being a sibling. I would only focus on my sketches.
I wouldn't mind being on my own, I would have more peace and quiet. The only thing that won't be at peace is my mind and my heart because of what I have to decide. I will probably be a disappointment to my dad if he finds out that I'm pregnant. I don't want it to get to that point.