Chapter 81 - It's gone - mduno
I waited a long time for the event organizer today. When I confirmed my attendance, I declined the plus-one spot, and now I don't want to go alone. I wanted to go with Veronica. If I decided to spend the rest of my life with her, I had to get used to the idea that she would be by my side at all the important events in my career. That part I definitely wanted to keep.
Dear God, I hope I can confess to her what happened with Beatriz. I messed up in that regard. As Father Gabriel told me, if I'm going to start a relationship for the rest of my life, I have to build it on the foundations of truth. Even if she leaves me again, I'll keep asking her for forgiveness for that mistake. The only thing in my favor was her love.
I closed the door to the room. I had to go pick her up for breakfast. She looked beautiful last night. She couldn't show up to tonight's event in beachwear. I entered the bathroom laughing, got ready quickly, and as I came out, Rata arrived with a little smile on his face.
"With that look on your face, I must assume things are going back to normal."
"Yes, Rata," I smiled like an idiot. "I'm going to pick her up."
He accompanied me. As we passed by the restaurant entrance, Santiago was trying to calm my girlfriend down, holding her by the waist.
"Veronica?"
"Roland," Santiago said. "Don't get close. Calm down!"
Her brother shouted at her. People were watching what was happening. Rata started analyzing each person, and I heard his faint comment.
"What the hell..."
He muttered under his breath. She kept trying to break free from her brother.
"I'll only say this once, Santiago. Let go of me, now!"
It was the second time I heard her swear, and my heart started to alert me about what I feared deep down. I couldn't bear Veronica's gaze, and when I met my friend's eyes, he gestured to look to my left. There was Beatriz, smirking and winking at me, and I understood.
She told her version. I've always said that the first one to speak is the most believable version. I had nothing to refute. I was a jerk to her. Life always makes you pay for your actions. One of my conversations with Father Gabriel came back to me.
"You acted impulsively. You made a big mistake, and you have to own up to it and endure the shame for your actions. Some things are hard to forgive, Roland, and your act is one of those," were his words, and today I understood them. I looked back at Veronica. Her eyes were filled with pain and disappointment. Santiago had let her go. She approached me, and she had been crying. Once again, she cried because of me.
"Sweetheart, yesterday I told you that today I would confess..."
"Don't ever call me that again, or Beautiful. You don't know the meaning of those words. You're a damned animal."
"Veronica."
She looked at me in a way I never liked, the way that confirmed the monster I was. The priest's voice echoed again.
"If you love her, you must bow your head, as much as it costs you, and submit to her decision."
"Was it a lie?"
She asked. I wished I could say yes, that my hands never touched her, but I was and had been a damned animal. A lump formed in my throat, and the words tasted like acid.
"No, Veronica. It wasn't a lie."
Another slap from this woman, and like all the others, it was a jolt. I clenched my fists. Santiago approached, ready to defend his sister.
"You disgust me, Roland."
"Aren't you going to let me explain?"
Pride took a long time to emerge and then hid again when I saw the resolved and firm attitude of the woman with the most character I had ever known. I was ashamed to be seen as the scum I was.
"Don't come near me, and don't ever touch me again. Now it's really over." What did that mean? Weren't we over already? "I believed you."
No more words were needed. I understood the meaning of what she said. Now she was really leaving me. I lost her. I clenched my fists again. My body trembled. Her gaze pierced me.
"I'm sorry, I just..."
"Shut up!" She turned and walked away. Santiago stayed behind, looking at me.
"I wanted to tell you I love you," I finished speaking.
"Let her calm down."
"She'll never forgive me."
"My sister needs to think things through, Roland. She's jealous."
"I failed her," I said. "I need to explain." Santiago grabbed my arm.
"Leave her alone. You'll only make things worse now. She left you, and in her haste, she drew the wrong conclusions. You had nothing with her when you slept with that bitch Beatriz," he looked at me, puzzled. "I know exactly who Beatriz is and how persistent she can be."
"Did you sleep with her?" I asked.
"A long time ago. I hope my fiancée never hears about this."
"I need to talk to Veronica."
"I'm telling you, let her cry a bit, scream, let her hair stand on end with rage."
"Do you think she'll forgive my mistake?" He shrugged.
"That's something only God knows. You've already made it clear to Verónica that she's the one you love. My mother used to say, 'Love always arises and cleanses the soul like the current of a river.'"
"Wait longer?"
"You can do whatever you want with your life, Roland. Can I give you some advice?"
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts. Rata was watching the table where Beatriz sat with her family. I sighed and nodded.
"Tell me."
"We never regret doing what our heart wants to do. Don't let yourself be swayed by what people think, just follow your desires."
"I love her, Santiago," I said, smiling.
"Verónica was born with a special gift. We've always believed an angel was sent to us. There's more nobility in that little body than in any other human being, Roland, and not just because she's my sister. If you love her, it's time to talk to her on another level."
"What do you mean?" We were still at the restaurant entrance.
"Think about whether the woman who just yelled at you and showed how much she cares is the one you want. Verónica isn't the kind of woman to be an eternal girlfriend. Consider if you're ready to spend the rest of your life with her in marriage." I had already decided that. I smiled, only needing to buy the ring. "Did I say something funny?"
"I was going to ask her to marry me today, after telling her about Beatriz. But look."
"A bad turn, man. Anyway." He shrugged. "I have to go." I nodded and watched him walk away.
"I don't feel like having breakfast, Rata," Cebolla said as he joined us.
"Did something happen, Boss?"
"Roland's life turned into a 'typical soap opera.'" He patted Cebolla on the shoulder.
"I'll be in the room."
I didn't want to see anyone. If I went into the restaurant, I might kill that bitch. I had sworn twice not to kill anyone again, and I don't kill women.
My father's words echoed in my mind. "What truly costs is what is hard to reach," he had said during a Sunday sermon. That morning, I felt the message personally.
Maybe I've already messed up my head, and I felt every situation as a message from the Lord. The priest had me in three social work projects, two youth sensitivity talks, and one class where I had to speak to rebels in a juvenile detention center, which, I admit, was my favorite.
I won't deny that attending the children's foundation stirred something inside me. The sadness in their eyes made me feel so connected to them. I confirmed once again that I wouldn't bring children into this filthy world.
I agreed to get married, but I wouldn't have children, and if I did, it would be just one, ten years from now. Verónica had just broken up with me, and I still thought of her as my life partner. I fell onto the bed. "What the hell am I doing here? Waiting for her anger to pass." What could that stupid bitch have told her? If she made something up... I don't think so. I treated her worse than call girls.
I played with fire and got burned, as the priest said. I fell asleep and woke up around six in the evening. Today was the award ceremony, and I didn't want to go. I didn't want to run into my partner's daughter.
"Rata!"
Soon, my friend entered the room, already wearing his tuxedo pants.
"You're really messed up."
"Go alone. I'll wait for you at the bar."
"Roland..."
"I don't want to see that bitch. I swear if I see her, I'll take her head off."
"She was a witch. Well, Miss Verónica arrived just in time to save you from Beatriz. You were already considering something serious with her."
Cebolla sat at the table in the room, which was almost like an apartment with two internal bedrooms.
"Should I stay with you, Boss?" Cebolla asked.
"Are you going to drink, Roland?" I smiled. I nodded at Rata, then shook my head.
"No."
I wanted to go find Verónica in her room. Santiago was right; she didn't let me explain. I didn't lie to her, I admitted my fault. And what if it had been the other way around? If she slept with another man... Rata's nudge brought me back to the present.
"Then I'll go alone."
"Yes, Rata." I looked at Cebolla, who stood up. "Just find out how Verónica is."
"Yes, sir."
I picked up the phone and ordered room service. I hadn't eaten, and my stomach was growling.
The service I requested arrived. Rata and Cebolla left together, my friend with his usual laptop where he controlled everything. I knew he had told Cebolla not to leave me alone for long. I was anxious. If we were apart for another month and a half... If she found another man... I shook my head. No, she wouldn't sleep with another man. Cebolla didn't take long to return.
"Boss..."
"Did she tell you to go to hell?" She must still be very angry.
"No, Boss. She's not here." He got my attention. "Miss Verónica left Panama."