Chapter 76 - Commitment - mduno
I looked at the clock. Verónica would soon arrive at La Dorada. If she only knew the mess I was in. The problem was, I couldn't blame anyone but myself for my lack of patience, for judging too quickly and thinking everyone was like me. I parked at the church I now attended and helped fund its renovation.
Father Gabriel, like the Archangel, as he told me. After all I'd been through, I couldn't ignore the coincidences. He was a man in his mid-fifties, and he inspired the trust of an elder, like a companion during painful days at the clinic.
It wasn't time for mass. I had to agree with Verónica when she said, sometimes only in the temple can you cleanse yourself. My skin prickled as I sat down, feeling the agony of my soul—not just for what I had done with Verónica, but for my past, for the pain caused by her, by the one who brought me into this world. I cried, well, I whimpered like that night when I offered the most precious thing in the world, the only pure thing in life.
The woman in charge of maintaining the church ran to call the father. She knew my profession as an architect and often referred to me as the handsome young man. But it was just a facade, covering up the deteriorated pillars of my life.
"Young man?"
The father sat beside me and didn't say another word, letting me cry and cry. I felt different. For years, I had hidden the pain of abandonment in anger. Now, I felt different.
"I confess that I have sinned, Father."
"Do you want to confess?" I nodded.
He pulled out a stole. How did I know it was called that? I remembered my childhood, when I was an altar boy at the church my mother attended.
"I don't have any sacraments, well... I was baptized." He crossed himself and blessed me.
"Hail Mary, full of grace."
"Conceived without sin," I continued. "As a child, I learned to steal on the streets. Until a couple of months ago, I hated my mother for abandoning me at seven years old. I stabbed my father in the hand so he wouldn't hit me again or leave me outside at night in the yard of the house we lived in."
"Roland..."
"Let me finish, I haven't even started listing my sins."
"Go on." His face was one of total astonishment.
"I became a street psychologist, of human actions, and I took advantage of it to scam, manipulate, and conquer whatever I wanted. I killed for the first time at thirteen and became a stylish hitman. I don't know how many men I've taken down."
The more I talked, the more pain I felt. Verónica didn't deserve a man like me. Hearing myself, I was disgusted by the story of my life. I felt rotten.
"I never rest until I become the best at what I set my mind to. By twenty, I was a recognized drug trafficker in that world, and no one knows about me—not the government, not the DEA, no one. Father Gabriel, you are sitting before the kingpin of Colombia. I've kidnapped, tortured, degraded human beings, and I didn't give a damn about life. I've slept with hundreds of women, and I get excited by rough sex games. Since my mother abandoned me, I pushed the Lord God away."
"Lord God?" I looked at him. Could he be another angel?
"Why does it surprise you that I call him that?"
The old man was also surprised to hear me call him that way.
"For no particular reason, I've heard 'my God,' 'my Lord,' 'God of my life,' but never 'Mr. God,' it sounds nice."
"I've challenged him, never respected his laws, and only paid attention when he shook me in the only way he could."
"You're an architect," the priest commented.
"Yes, and also a civil engineer. I have two lives. And in both, my personality is the same. Indifferent, nothing mattered to me."
"Now you're in the church, I still don't know what to say to you, I struggle to find the words." As he spoke, I felt liberated. "What made you change?"
"An angel, a beautiful angel named Veronica, who came into my life to stir it up. She is imperfectly perfect, and I am the most harmful thing in the world. She insists on staying by my side, and I don't want to hurt her."
"Does she know who you are?"
"She knows me, in every possible way. Because of her, Mr. God and I have a pact, one he hasn't stopped rubbing in my face to show me that I can't get close to what I love most in life."
"You're taking the wrong concept." I looked at him. "Tell me about her, she must be incredible if a woman has managed to sensitize you to the point of returning to God and helping us in his work."
"I already told you, she's an angel, and I can't get close to her. The only pure thing I had, to save her, I swore not to touch her."
"Did you swear to God that you can't touch her?"
"Exactly, and I'm afraid that if I do, he will take her from this earthly plane, and then I will truly become a demon."
"That won't happen. You are a very special human being, Roland, with a very great purpose. Besides, if God gives her to you, you will be able to touch her. If you touch her under the sacrament of marriage, you won't be breaking your promise."
"I don't believe in marriage."
"And you don't believe in her?" the priest asked.
"She is the only thing I believe in, and Mr. God knows it, that's why he makes me react through her."
"Explain that to me, son."
"Oh, Father! I hope you've had lunch because it's a long story, and I confess, I came here too devastated by something I did no more than three hours ago. Only now..."
"You feel free. Confession frees, son, and forgiving yourself is the bravest step you've taken toward your redemption."
"I have no forgiveness," I contradicted him.
"If you're in the church talking about him, it's because you do have forgiveness. What you've done in your life hasn't been right, God's angels have also killed. We don't know the paths the Creator takes, sometimes they are greedy, other times stingy. The harder the battle, the greater the end set by the King of Kings."
"And I don't justify the atrocities you've committed, but when you become aware of his existence, you won't do it again. Because while you don't know him, you can be said to be ignorant. If you commit the acts again knowing Him, you will be punished. The downfall of humanity lies in no longer fearing God, they have forgotten him."
"Father, you need to have lunch."
"Let's go to the dining room, son."
"I came with my boys."
"There's food for everyone. In the meantime, tell me about her, tell me about your angel named Veronica." I smiled at him.