Chapter 58 - You haven't spoken to anyone - mduno
Everything felt surreal, like I was in an unknown place.
"Come with me, son."
The old man's voice had more firmness than mine. That was the only thing he said. Maybe it was the state of drowsiness, but I stopped resisting. Rata let go of me without lowering his guard. I approached Don Fausto.
"Please don't disconnect her."
I begged. The nurses were attending to Cebolla and Santiago.
"I don't know what my daughter saw in you."
I wanted to tell him that I didn't know either, but something was stirring in my chest.
"I won't let my girl waste away in that state."
"I'll pay for everything, if it's about money..."
"You don't know anything other than money, do you? Do you want to ease your guilt with my daughter?" Don Fausto looked at me with anger. Maybe I seemed like a madman.
"It's time to walk, Roland," the old man intervened again.
"I don't know why Verónica loves me either! But she's doing something to me, please don't disconnect her."
"My time is running out." That man is irritating!
"Coming!" I shouted at the old man. "Please..." I begged my father-in-law.
"She will be disconnected tomorrow," he replied with determination.
"That's a lot of time."
The old man said. I walked away in the direction of the old man, Rata stopped me.
"Where are you going, Roland?" In his eyes, I saw my state of madness. I smiled at him. "You worry me, you're talking to yourself..." I looked at him, furrowing my brow.
"I need to get some air, I haven't been out in days, I need to breathe, Simón." I looked at Cebolla.
"It was nothing, boss."
"Thanks."
I followed the old man who was walking down the hallway, putting my hands in my pockets. Verónica will die tomorrow. And I had never felt so powerless.
The old man stopped in the clinic's chapel. I laughed in his face. People were surprised by my behavior, and I don't blame them. With all the commotion I've caused since I arrived, I must be famous as the crazy relative.
"I'm not going into a church, I want to get some air."
"The only air you need, Roland, is in there. Believe me, besides, it's not a church, it's a chapel where you talk, you release the pain that afflicts you. Do you see any priest?"
"What do you want to talk about?"
The old man entered the chapel. As much as I resisted, deep down there was a need to talk to him. So I went in. After so many years, stepping into one again made my hair stand on end. He sat in the second pew.
"Do you know what it means to offer?"
I furrowed my brows. Does this guy want me to make a donation? He's out of his mind.
"What's that about?" He let out a hearty laugh.
"You're tough to crack. Verónica must see something great in you. That girl is incredible."
"Do you know her?"
He smiled as if knowing her was obvious, limiting his response to my life.
"I say it because of what she's managed to do in you, Roland. She gave you back your conscience and love. In other words, she gave you back your soul."
"What do you want from me? Why haven't you stopped bothering me since I arrived?"
"Talking to you is bothering you?"
He was a man of about eighty years with great vitality for his age.
"Telling me everything you've said, I don't like the topic with Mr. God."
"Mr. God?" He smiled. "For someone who doesn't believe in him, you respect him deep down, you call him 'Mr.', not 'Don'. You don't want Verónica to die, do you?"
"She's not going to die." The chapel was becoming a peaceful place.
"Are you going to challenge God, son?"
"Do you want to know my concept of him?"
I looked at him defiantly while he analyzed me like a teacher with an ignorant student.
"And what is it?" The old man crossed his arms.
"He's too cruel. I'm scum, but if he were truly just, I should be in Verónica's place. She doesn't deserve what's happened. If he were so just and kind, he wouldn't allow parents to abandon their children, for them to be violated, for us to kill. If he really existed, he would have made sure I died a long time ago for being a murderer, because I've caused a lot of harm to society. I know human greed, the rot of humanity, and believe me, the only good thing in my life will be disconnected tomorrow."
"You need to forgive, Roland. And yes, God is a great warrior. For millennia, there have been battles of legions of angels."
"Don't come at me with that nonsense, sir."
"Maybe you have a specific gift."
"Then he should deal with me and leave Verónica alone. If we're talking in these terms, I'm the one who should be judged. I confess that I've killed, stolen, desired my neighbor's wife, dishonored my parents, I don't believe in Mr. God, I've lied, profaned, fornicated left and right. The list goes on."
"Are you proud of what you've made of your life?"
"I didn't care before."
I remembered several moments with Veronica: the frightened look on the balcony, the afternoon when I locked her up on the estate because I wanted to sleep with her, the words at the end of the letter she translated for me when she thanked me for taking care of her. The look of terror the night they tried to rape her, the look of desire and shame in the bathroom at the reception, the night of her graduation, the look of dismissal when she confessed her love for me despite the bullet in her body. I hit my head.
"What are you willing to do or give to save her?" I laughed hysterically.
"And then you say it's not petty." I smiled. "If I donate my money to a foundation, will that save her? Is that what you mean?"
"No, Roland, money doesn't matter. The cause is just, but not enough. What the Creator likes is a complete change."
"What do you mean?"
"The return of a soul. It must be a fair exchange. Offerings are made with the heart, Roland. You give what matters most to you, you offer your greatest desire, what you love. And for that, you must first forgive, repent, and ask for forgiveness."
The old man stood up, and maybe it's just my vulnerable state, but he didn't seem so old anymore.
"You are very intelligent, intelligence that should remain on the right side."
"Are you asking me to stay away from her or let her die?"
"You are very good with equations. You can reach a fair agreement with the Lord. It only depends on you. What do you have to offer? When you recognize your greatness, how much you can give, you will be happy."
Thousands of images and memories flashed through my mind, which I quickly hid away again.
"Tell me, what can I offer?" He laughed at me. I rubbed my eyes; exhaustion was getting to me. "What's your name, or should I ask who you are?" He walked backward and smiled.
"I thought you had already figured it out." Damn, now he looks like a fifty-year-old man.
"The only thing valuable to me is her, and then you say you're not petty."
Tears threatened to fall. I fought them back; I didn't want to cry in front of him, but this feeling was different.
"I am not Him."
His face transformed into that of a young man no older than twenty.
"I am just a messenger. Well, I revealed myself to you, I confess. You've given me a lot of work. At first, I thought it must be a punishment, but my father never makes mistakes. He has just honored me greatly by working for him because of you."
For the first time, I felt my soul. Veronica had found my conscience and heart, and now it was something stronger than me. Something was forming in my throat.
"You know I can't forgive..." I whispered.
"You should, Roland. Use the gift you were born with to be great, to reach thousands of beings and make them change. You can transform your life and be worthy of her." I tried to speak. "I spoke in my personal opinion. I have always been by your side, remember. There are also earthly angels, warriors of life, and then there's us."
"Why her? Why does she have to suffer? Let Him do whatever He wants to me! To me!"
"Because God is very intelligent. He has sent you many angelic beings in human bodies, warriors of life, other noble beings, and it has not been enough to make you see reason. That's why He knows that if He approaches you directly, you will distance yourself even more. Meanwhile, through her, look at where you are now."
I looked back; it was the chapel, a wooden cross without an image adorned with many flowers.
"Forgive, Roland, and you will understand many things in the future. Veronica didn't come into your life by chance. She came into this world with a purpose. Her life depends on you. She has already taught you enough, the important things." I turned and shouted.
"What do I do?!" Simon raised his hands. When did he come in? "Where is he?"
"Roland, man, stop it, or I'll put you in a sanatorium."
"What are you talking about? Didn't you see the man I was talking to? He was old, and now he's young."
"Roland, you haven't stopped talking to yourself. I understand the situation with the lady, and that's why you're upset, but you've always been strong, man."
I said nothing. What the hell had happened? I grabbed my head; if I had hair like Rata, I would have torn it out.
"I've always talked to an old man. He always sat on the couch, he sat next to all of you! How did you not see him? You never miss anything." Deep down, I knew what had happened, but my mind refused to acknowledge it.
"No one has sat near us since we arrived. I cleared the area. I don't allow anyone but us," he whispered with pity. "Should I be worried?"