Chapter 25 - He cares, that's why he pushes me away - mduno
I couldn't control myself, I felt scared, though I didn't show it. It wasn't like me to get excited about someone so quickly.
"Vero, stop crying, please."
Lorena was comforting me by the bed. Since last night when we ran out of the hotel; she paid for my ticket, I didn't have a dime, and once we got on the plane, I haven't stopped crying silently.
"Did you sleep with him and he left you like he usually does?"
I shook my head and buried my face in the pillow. I felt so ashamed of myself. I had turned into a silly, stupid girl.
"I don't know what else to do! I'll leave you alone. When you want to talk, call me."
At that moment, D'Artagnan barked, insisting I pay attention to him. I helped him onto the bed, cuddled with him, and it was the only way to calm us down. As the minutes passed, I started to doze off for a bit. Lore woke me up to eat.
"Thank you." It was soup, and she also brought food for my dog. She looked at me with pity. "I know I must look awful."
"At least you want to talk." She sat at the edge of the bed. "What did that son of a bitch do to you?"
"Don't call him that. I'm crying because I was the one who got on a plane and jumped into the void without a parachute. He has always been clear about his life and how he treats people. I was the one who believed in fairy tales."
"He doesn't love anyone. He likes you because he hasn't managed to sleep with you yet, and once he does, he won't change."
"Maybe."
My eyes welled up again as I remembered how wonderful it felt to kiss him, to feel his hand on my thigh, his tongue on my breast. No one had ever touched me like that in those places.
To him, I was just another one, or maybe I wasn't enough. He preferred to leave me aside and run into the arms of those experienced women. Yesterday, I was petrified, submerged in a sea of unknown sensations.
"What did he do to you?"
She bit her nails, waiting for my comment and the bitter experience.
"We kissed a lot." Her eyes opened so wide I thought they'd pop out. "He couldn't stop kissing me."
"He kissed you?!"
He had told me he didn't kiss the women he slept with.
"And he kisses deliciously." I wiped my nose.
"He's Mr. Roland. Everything about him is delicious." She looked down after making that comment.
"I only kissed him and... I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"Vero, he treated you in a way he's never treated any other woman."
I doubt that, and with the aggravating factor that he knew he was the first to touch me in certain places, yet he didn't care or didn't like it. D'Artagnan barked again; he had finished all his food.
"I want to be alone."
My head hurt, I hadn't slept enough. Since I met him, sleep had disappeared from thinking about him so much. I curled up in bed, with my dog under the covers, and something helped, maybe it was the exhaustion that made me sleep for several hours. The shouts from the living room woke me up.
"This is my house! And today I haven't signed any of your documents submitting to your will, with my friend..."
"Move!" My heart jumped at Roland's voice.
"Get out!"
His arrogant, charming smile, which infuriated me, was heard on the other side of the door. I got out of the covers when he entered my room, closing the door in Lorena's face. He looked at me; I must have looked like a total zombie, my eyes hurt, I hadn't seen myself in a mirror. He had an envelope in his hand.
"I always pay my debts, Veronica."
He left the envelope on the dresser. I felt even angrier, another slap to my trampled pride. My eyes welled up, and I tried not to shed a tear; I didn't want to cry in his presence. He didn't stop looking at me, trying to hold back. With him, I could never tell anything.
"Don't cry so much, nothing has happened to make you so distressed, and I'm sorry for scaring you. I gave you the wrong impression. I would never hit you, I would never do that because I don't hit women."
Nothing happened? That I didn't let him touch me and get some pleasure from my body, for him it was nothing, while for me, it was everything!
"We still think differently."
He held back, turned around, and then came back, taking two strides to get close.
"It's not that big a deal," he said.
"Or maybe I wasn't enough, you mean." My voice broke.
"Is that what you think?" We looked at each other for a long time. Finally, he whispered in my ear, "I don't deserve an angel shedding a single tear for me; I'm a demon. You shouldn't even look at me; I'm no good for you, Veronica. Nothing has happened that you should regret. You deserve a much better man than me." He lowered his voice to a soft whisper.
"Your memory will be the only pure thing in my wretched life."
That’s what he said. Without looking at me, he hurried out of the room, leaving me no time to react. Tears escaped my eyes. What do I do now? Lorena came in and hugged me tightly. I had fallen hopelessly in love with Roland Sandoval, and he felt something for me too. A moment ago, I was dying, thinking he didn't care. Now I cry because he cares too much, to the point where he decides to stay away to avoid hurting me.
"Vero..."
My soul ached without knowing the reasons. The tears got stuck, I analyzed the situation, and I had mixed feelings. Deep down, I was happy because he cared, and at the same time, hurt because we wouldn't have anything.
What began only lasted the excitement of the beginning. But that short time, that moment marked me irreversibly. I doubt any other man will surpass him; his kisses sealed my feelings. Why did he come into my life if he wasn't going to stay? Why do you put me through this test, Jesus?
After much thinking, curled up in bed with D'Artagnan beside me, I decided to move on with my life. One day of moral pain was enough. I was motivated by the fact that he cared, and he would look for me tomorrow with some excuse. He will come; he always has since I crossed his path. I smiled, satisfied knowing I was the first woman to torment the existence of the famous Don Roland Sandoval.
Four days had passed, graduation preparations were underway, and next week would be the big day. Raúl had become my shadow at Lorena's request, who had gone on a work trip. My friend picked me up on his motorcycle to go to the university and waited like a boyfriend at the exit. The important thing was to get me home safe and sound.
"Aren't you bored, Skinny?" He shrugged.
"If you don't want me to accompany you, just say so. Either way, I’ll pretend I didn't hear it because I won't leave you alone." I smiled at his gesture as he walked into the kitchen. "What do you want to eat?"
"You're the chef, surprise me."
I approached the kitchen and filled D'Artagnan's food bowl. My dog was the only real thing left of Roland's memory.
"Spill it." He put on an apron.
"How about a home movie night?" He looked at me, closing his eyes, holding back a laugh.
"It's been a while since we did that." He shook his head, and we high-fived. "We'll eat and then go buy movies." He opened the fridge, scanning what we had. "Let’s make something simple so we can stuff ourselves with a giant bowl of popcorn and two liters of soda."
He was mostly talking to himself. I couldn't help but laugh, realizing the "poison with gas" was the soda we were both addicted to.
"Do you like the plan?"
"Are you kidding? I love it!"
My phone rang, and without stopping laughing at Raúl's eye roll, I answered.
"Hello?" Silence. I stopped laughing and spoke again. "Hello?"
I looked at the number; it was unknown. My heart skipped a beat. Could it be him? The call dropped.
"No signal?" Raúl intervened.
"I don't know." It rang again.
"Hello? Hello, hello." I waited. He wasn't speaking, but I knew it was him.
"Vero!" I laughed at myself for recognizing the voice. "Miss, the damn call isn't going through!"
I heard my brother's voice and imagined him arguing with the girl at the town's internet booth. It was strange he wasn't calling from his cell phone. A few minutes later, it rang again.
"Vero!"
"Hey, Santi." I was happy to hear him. "And your cell?"
"Finally, the call goes through! Dad says it's a line problem. My cell died."
"And what happened?" Raúl took out ham and cheese. I saw he was making a diet-friendly snack, according to him. "How's Dad?"
"We're fine. He's happy because his daughter is graduating and coming back to take care of the animals on the farm."
I smiled. I wasn't planning to live with Dad again. I adore him; he was a good man, an excellent father. Since Mom's death, he had become a bit of a recluse.
"My cell fell into a well. Tell me you're not coming back because I want to leave this town, and if you come back, it'll be impossible to get him out."
"You know if I go, it'll be for vacation."
"Bless you." I smiled. "Sis, I'm calling to tell you Dad sent you some money to organize the graduation party." I was about to complain. I didn't want a party or anything like that; the preparations were just the reception at the university auditorium and nothing more.
"And before you say anything, half the money is my savings. That's why I'm telling you, it's an order. We want to celebrate our girl as she deserves. I'll be there in two days. I want to help."
"Help me or to have more days with Lorena?"
"You're very smart." I had already mentioned it to her; I wouldn't enable their fleeting romance. I would tell Santi the truth about my friend's profession, and I would do it in front of both of them.