Chapter 24 - I Don't Suit You - Mduno
I returned to my room, poured myself a glass of whiskey, and fought the urge to go into the next room. It was better for Veronica to cry and let out her disappointment. What was I going to say to her after treating her like crap? I threw the glass against the wall, went to the bar to pour myself another. I picked up the phone and called Simon.
"Yeah, what's up?" I heard him panting.
"Sorry, finish up and we'll talk later."
I hung up and finished my drink. I downed two more glasses of whiskey in record time before Simon arrived.
"How many have you had?" He analyzed me from the balcony entrance. "You look messed up, Roland. I think you need a friend."
"I kissed her." He raised an eyebrow; he knew who the last woman I kissed was.
"I'll keep you company, old man." He entered the room, grabbed the whiskey bottle and a glass, poured himself a drink, and took a long sip. "Do I have permission to speak?" I smiled; he would leave me worse off than I left Veronica, but I deserved it for being such a jerk.
"I have no idea what's going on with her. I just screwed up with Veronica."
"You hit her?!"
"No, no." I hurried to say, the thought had never crossed my mind. "She drives me crazy, she gets under my skin, I don't even recognize myself when I'm around her. She's never what I expect, she makes me act differently, do things I never imagined I would do. I dream about her, I think about her, and the feeling of having her next to me calms me. I couldn't be with that other woman because she didn't smell like her.
"I was nervous she'd hate me for being the damn boss. Simon, I don't want anyone else to touch her, but she expects from me what I can't be, what I can't give her. I'm a damn promiscuous guy, I've built a life at a young age, not by being a missionary of good deeds. You know I've had to be a bastard since I was a kid. Or life on the streets would have killed me.
"Now a girl purer than the word itself comes along, with eyes that destroy me and make me sweat. As if I owe her explanations. Damn it, Rata, I'm the boss of Colombia and a woman is messing with my head!" Rata sat in front of me, and I continued talking and talking.
"I want to take her to bed, but when I get close, I just want to hug her, take care of her, protect her, I don't want to hurt her. And I already did! When others look at her, I can't stand it because she's not mine, I feel insecure. I don't want anyone to touch her because I want her for myself, Simon.
"Today I was more worried about what she found out than about making more money. I want her to admire me, to become the best for her, I don't know how to do it, what I did earlier was screw things up, scare her, I'm sure I made her hate me."
"Roland, let me tell you this." I took another drink. "I hope you know how to decide because your future depends on it. Miss Veronica is the kind of woman meant to be a wife and the mother of our children. Not someone you take and leave in a couple of months. Every man has the one meant for him, old man. If you give yourself that chance, it's to win her over, make her fall in love, make her feel special."
"I gave her a car and she threw the keys in my face!"
"You also gave her a dog, and she still has it. She's not a woman for hundreds of flowers, but for one flower. Not for thousands of chocolates, but for that one chocolate. She loves serenades and small details. She's the kind of woman who doesn't need money, just to feel loved."
"How are you so sure?"
"Because I married one like that and she gave me a son. I don't have them now, but I enjoyed them while they lasted, Roland. Look at Daniel, a tamed demon. We have the woman we deserve by our side. You fell in love the moment you saw her, I noticed when you looked for her just by hearing her."
"She got under your skin, old man. That's why you need to decide. If you choose her, you need to analyze whether the life you're in is worth letting her walk into hell, or if you care enough to keep her out of this hell."
"Are you suggesting that if I love her, it's better to stay away from her?"
"It's that or leave the shitty world we move in, because I don't think the lady fits in it."
"I'll never let her enter, Simon. She's an angel," I whispered.
"Then think very carefully about the decisions you make." He paused, reflecting. "Did you kiss her? When I interrupted this afternoon, you weren't."
I smiled. "I only stopped when you came to get me. Otherwise, I haven't stopped kissing her." We fell silent. "For her sake, I should let her go, right?"
"Roland, if you do, you'll never know what it's like to truly love. What it's like to have an oasis in the middle of the hell we live in. Think about it, meditate on it, and if you decide to be with her, starting tomorrow you'll have to win her over."
"Thanks, old man."
"Well, now I'll finish what I left warming up. Looks like you're already screwed." He let out a big laugh. "I like the lady, she's loyal, Roland. There are few women like her in this world."
He finished his glass of whiskey, left, and I stayed on the balcony, thinking. I went into the room and stood at the door that would lead me to her. Analyze very well… I couldn't, I wasn't ready, I didn't want to hurt her. I lay down on the bed. She shouldn't stay with me, it wasn't good for her.
If she was important to you, I shouldn't get close. Could I let her go? Let her be with someone else? I couldn't leave the shitty world I live in, I'd end up dead. Veronica didn't deserve that. And… don't I deserve to be happy?
I took a step and stopped at the door once more. If you open it and go in, you must be very sure of what you're going to do. Think about her well-being, and if you stop being selfish, about yours too.
I opened the door, the darkness surprised me, I turned on the light and the bed was empty. I checked the bathroom; no one was there. I opened the closet door, and her clothes were gone. She left, she left me, and there was a note on the bed.
Forgive me for slapping you, I didn't mean to disrespect you that way and I understand your situation, even if it hurts. It's better to say goodbye now than never.
Goodbye
Veronica
Forgive her? She's asking me for forgiveness, when I was the one who treated her like crap and deserved that damn slap! It didn't feel good knowing she wouldn't be by my side… but I'm not good for her. What else were you going to teach me? I sat bitterly on the edge of the bed. I messed everything up, maybe it was better this way, she decided for me.