Chapter 63 Where the hell is he?

Chapter 63 Where the hell is he?
Laramie:

I knocked on Ethan's office door. There was no answer.

I knocked again, louder and more urgent. Still, no answer.

I tried the door, but it was locked.

Where the hell was he?

I knocked again, even though I knew that he wasn't in there and that he wouldn't answer. But I was beginning to feel more and more desperate as the seconds ticked by.

I needed to find him, and I needed to warn him about Noah knowing about us.

"Ethan, are you in there?" I called through the door, knowing that there would be no answer.

Then, I caught myself and realized what I had just done. I peered over my shoulder quickly, to make sure that no one had heard me, and then I corrected myself.

Knocking again, I called out to him. "Professor James, are you there?"

Silence...

Nothing but terrible awful silence.

This was absolute madness. What I was doing was madness. Calling out to an office that I knew very well was empty, still expecting an answer. Hoping for an answer - praying for an answer that wouldn't come.

I hated feeling the way that I was feeling worried, anxious, nervous, and stressed out.

That small irritating voice in the back of my mind was wondering if any of this was even worth the trouble it was causing - I wasn't so sure anymore.

But what I hated the most was the fact that even after everything that had happened, I was still the one running after Ethan. I was still the one worrying about him and his well-being while he couldn't even bother to show up.

The mere thought of his 'couldn't-be-bothered' attitude was driving me crazy. It infuriated me to the point where I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs.

"To hell with you." I spat at the closed door and then rested my forehead against the cool glass inside.

I felt absolutely helpless.

I also felt desperate, and betrayed, and angry, and sad, and most of all, I felt absolutely fed-up with the entire situation.

I should have just left. I should have just turned around and walked away and forgotten all about Ethan.

If he couldn't be bothered to face me again then why should I care about what might or might not happen to him?

Why should I even waste my time?

And yet -

I didn't move. My feet felt like they had been rooted to the spot. All I could do was stand in front of the door and stare at it, hoping that it might somehow solve all my problems for me.

Why?

Why was I acting like this?

Why did Ethan have such a strong hold over me?

Why couldn't I just turn my back as easily as he had turned his back on me?

Why was my heart the one shattering into a million tiny pieces while Ethan didn't even care enough to show up and look me in my face after what he did to me - after how much he hurt me?

And not just physically - those wounds would heal eventually. The bruises would fade and disappear completely after some time.

But the scars on my heart, on my soul. Those scars would probably never truly heal. They would always be open, raw, bleeding.

I trusted him so completely - gave myself to him so completely: mind, body, and soul.

And what did he do?

He trampled on my trust. Crushed it beneath his loss of control and temper.

He ruined everything...

Everything that we could have had. Everything that we could have been.

Maybe this was my fault... all of it.

I should have known better.

I knew that getting involved with my professor was a mistake - that it was wrong. And I knew that there was no way that it could ever end well for either one of us.

I should have listened. To myself, and to Ethan. I never should have gotten involved with him. I should have tried harder to resist him - to resist my own desire and lust for a man that I had absolutely no business being with.

I was stupid.

And weak.

And now I would have to face the consequences of my decision - my actions.

There is no turning back. There is no fixing the mess I made.

Without even realizing it, I had begun pacing up and down in front of Ethan's office, slowly running my hand through my hair over and over again.

It was only when I heard a familiar voice behind me that I stopped and spun around so fast that I almost fell over my own two feet.

"Hey, kiddo. Everything okay?"

My dad was looking at me with slightly wide eyes. Concern etched into every line of his face.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

How could I keep on forgetting that he also worked in this same building. That his office was just down the hall.

I felt flustered and at first, I had no idea what to say to him. It took me a few seconds to gather my thoughts and come up with a propper excuse for why I was pacing frantically in front of my English professor's office.

My dad inclined his head slightly as he kept staring at me.

"Laramie?" He pressed on.

"Dad... I uh...do you know where Professor James is?"

It's the first thing that popped into my mind, so I just went with it.

My dad frowned slightly, lifting his chin.

"He put in for a few days leave, late last night, family emergency apparently."

That bastard. I swore silently. That low, no-good cowardly bastard.

"A few days. Do you know how long he'll be gone for?" I tried to keep my feelings out of my voice, hoping that I didn't sound too panicked.

"Unfortunately, I don't kiddo. Why? What's wrong?"

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I could kill him for putting me through this.

"It's nothing, really. Well, no. It is something." I scrambled for an answer, my mind seeming to go completely empty.

Perfect timing. Of course.

My dad cocked an eyebrow at me as he waited for me to give him more of an explanation.

I loosed a breath, trying with all my might to calm my racing heart and faltering nerves. I needed to pull myself together. The last thing I needed was to have another argument with someone over the same professor - Noah and Zoey were already two too many.

"The thing is dad." Finally, my mind started to work again. "I've just fallen behind on one or two assignments for his class, and I was really hoping that he could give me an extension. But now that he's on leave for a few days anyway, it doesn't really matter. I'm sure I'll have them done by the time he gets back."

My dad just looked at for a moment searching my face for something more. I held my breath as I prayed that he wouldn't see anything there.

Then -

Finally, he smiled gently at me.

"Well, I guess it all worked out then, kiddo."