"You can tell me if you have." I said to sit down and get a glass to drink as well. I wanted to be drunk so that I could say what my heart contained. It was too heavy, but for several minutes, none of us spoke.
I was busy playing the wine inside the glass when Hiro said, "I saw Dad." He started to open up a conversation after I drank two shots of tequila. "And guess what? I found out that he has a new family, and the son of that fvcking bitch is gay, yet Dad accepted him wholeheartedly!" I could see how he was depressed; just the way he held the glass was different. I wanted to calm him down, yet I knew that he could not be stopped.
"I was trying hard so that he wouldn't know; I hid my whole personality from him because I was so scared. And when I was brave enough to tell him the truth, he kicked me out and even blamed Mom, even if Mom's in heaven. And now?" He licked his lower lip. "I'll just know that he accepted that gay, the son of that bitch mom's best friend."
"I can't feel you, but I'm here for you; let me know what you feel." I convinced him to be himself; everything hurts Hiro because he is protecting his father's reputation. And to know that his father accepted the son of his mistress is on another level.
"I hate him so much! So much!" He was gritting his teeth, holding his glass with only alcohol in both hands. "I want to embarrass them there just in case yet I was holding myself because he would throw hurtful words that I was a failure, a big curse of him." He faked a laugh and got drunk once again before he started to talk. "You know what's the hardest part? It is when he can show his other family to the public while we, who are his real family, are hidden by him. Like, what the hell! Right?"
I held his hand and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know this was happening to you."
"You have other problems, Cbiara, so you don't have to think about mine. And I really just want to vent my anger now because I couldn't handle what Dad did." He gasped, "Your children are the only ones who give me happiness."
"I know."
"Thanks for always accepting me, and you didn't embarrass me even when I was a shameful person." He tried not to cry, but even so, I knew he wanted to pour it all out. "I stopped being a woman. My heart is honest. I tried so hard, but it was a big failure."
"Why would you force yourself to do something that you know is impossible?"
"Because I want my dad to be proud of me, I want to be like him. A big-time commander, but I always failed no matter how hard I tried. I ended up liking fashion and man. I can't help it, Cbiara." I could hear him sighing a little furiously. I held his hand tightly. I will never leave him in any kind of situation. “I was his legitimate child, but it's like I'm the adopted one," he pouted.
Hiro is reluctant to reveal his true self since he is still fearful that those around him won't like him. One of his stories is that he only dresses like a girl when he's by himself. He even tried my dress on to make sure it fit. He is limited to revealing himself to the three of us. He is not like other homosexual people, even though his parents are aware of it already, who come out in public. He's uneasy as he doesn't want to be let down, even if he did his hardest.
"To be honest, I ended up liking you." I was surprised by his confession, and at the same time, the corner filled with laughter. "It's true, when I wanted to be a man, I liked you, but in the end, I thought I didn't want to. Not because I knew there was no chance for us, but because I knew I was just pushing myself to like you."
"Okay, I wasn't ready. Gosh, you make me speechless, Hiro." I pinched his arm. "But anyway, after that, what happened?"
"I can't see myself being with a woman, you know that. I said to myself, if I still don't have a man in my life when I turn 42, I'll marry you if you are not in a relationship at that time." He admitted his plan the whole time we were together. "Don't judge me; I just want to be a man."
"Yeah, I'm not judging you. I just find it weird though." I hit him in the chest. "But seriously? You really thought about that?"
"Why not right? I mean, damn, you are fvcking gorgeous, hot, smart, and wife material. So why not?" The kitchen filled with laughter.
"Hiro!" I reprimand him; maybe my heart will suddenly explode because of his compliment. "You know what? Let's do that once we are not in a relationship at that time. Your plan is for us to do it when we haven't found anyone yet." He makes a face as if he still hates it.
"Do you hear yourself?"
"Why not? Maybe we really are meant to be. Don't you think about that?" I asked him, laughing, and then he slapped me, so I laughed even more.
Maybe it's really us; we just can't say because he was finding his own and I was healing until now.
"Shut up, Cbiara, you're stinky!"
"Yet whose idea is that, huh?"
"Shut up!" I was nitpicking at him while he wanted to leave his position, but I still didn't let him go. "Stop it, Cbiara!"
"Yeah, yeah!" I gave up and made my hands up after that because he was covering his ears using his hands and was pushing me away. "Let's talk seriously,"
"Let's just drink." He gave me a hard time, so I gave him a meaningful look, and he only got angrier at what I did, so I kept laughing. It's good to annoy him.
"But what if we meant each other?" I burst out laughing when he walked out and was red from the alcohol, and it looked like he had been hit. "Hey, I'm not done yet!"
"Shut up, Cbiara Blair! I might kiss you there." I suddenly became silent when he shouted at me. Gosh, how could he say that casually?