"I'm sorry, baby, if I've been distant these past few days; I just don't want you to get involved in my anger." He kissed my temple. We are both covered with our thick blankets here in the bedroom of his condo. I just smiled, and I also let out to him all the grievances and feelings I felt when we had our conversation. "Are you still mad at me?"
"I'm not mad," I rolled my eyeballs. "I'm disappointed." I confessed, I didn't think he would do that, I mean that was just a simple thing and I would understand. "Do you think I am just a burden and will only be with you for fun and not when the world won't favor you?"
"No, baby, of course not!" He exclaimed and let me face him, I stiffened, thinking about it made my heart break. I mean…how could he think that I wouldn't be by his side when everything didn't go well?
“Then why do you keep that to yourself? I thought we were one; why, when you're the one who has a problem, you just choose to keep it? As if you won't need me, am I that useless to you?" I freak out on his chest. I was frustrated knowing that he only thought that I was capable if we were delighted. "I hate you," I exclaimed, but he grabbed my hand.
I tried to evade his lips when he was about to plant a kiss on my forehead, but he forced me to turn around and said, "No, baby, you don't hate me."
"I'm going to make it with you.” He whispered when I chose to stay silent.
And he did; just like before, he served me, and it summed up: he was talking about the problems, and I was giving ideas. He treated me as if I were his wife and not just his secretary; you know, that's the best feeling ever. So I fell for the man even harder. I mean, who wouldn't?
"Huh." I stammered. The days pass by quickly; we make the bed every day and consider going to the beach tonight. His black-and-white raptor was what we were utilizing. We went to the car's ceiling and sat there drinking wine. He dislikes inexpensive things, therefore... I am fully aware.
"What? Is there something you want to tell me?" He asked when I was playing the wine in the bottle before sipping it.
"D-do you really love me? I mean, how? Why?" I was hesitant to throw those questions toward him, but you know things don't work if no one makes a move. "I just want to know."
"If you only knew how I look and describe you in my mind," he sighed and knitted his brows. Why are his answers about me always so far away? "I like you," he said promptly, like there was no need to worry.
"Since when?" Our conversation little by little is getting interesting, and I don't know why I want to know more. Or maybe I just want to catch something from what he's saying. "Tell me, Raven; I want to know when."
"When you are single," he seemed to have no intention of adding to what he said and pouted. What the hell? He's hanging on to me too much. "You? Do you want something from me, or is this still a contract with you?" He asks the thing that I didn't expect; I mean, who would think that he would ask such a question like that?
"And you really thought that?" I laughed and asked him. It took a long time to calm down because I didn't think a man like him would doubt himself. He gave me a bad look, so I closed my mouth, but I still couldn't help it. "You doubted yourself?"
"Since you were born, that's when I started to doubt myself," he confessed, but there was a part of me that was stunned because, why me?
Whether I admitted it or not, he tickled my stomach so strangely that I just shook my head.
My cheeks heated up. I wouldn't react this way whenever I received a compliment in the past. Why did he make me feel as though I was in heaven when it was just normal? I couldn't quite put into words how strange I felt right then, but I looked at him and saw that his eyes were glowing. Was he truly impressed by me?
There was nothing else I could say, so we just remained silent. Roux couldn't make my heart explode, he couldn't make me feel like I didn't have someone to share with him, and he couldn't love me like this.
"I will forever love you," he whispered, and it sounded so sweet to my ears.
***
Nobody can disturb us, therefore our existence is idyllic. You know that no matter how many times I tell myself that I'm enthusiastic about it, I am still longing for it. The love he can give me is what I've been searching for for a very long time. I get asked what it feels like to be blessed sometimes, especially when I'm by myself, and no matter how hard I try to swallow it and wash it away in my mind, I still get asked.
My college classmates are always getting flexed by their boyfriends, and I always feel envious since even when we get together, we conceal our relationship. I therefore believed that Raven would never spoil anything for me, but he did.
"I am doing this conference to tell you all that Gretchen and I are nothing. No one intervenes between us; it's our parents who agreed to our engagement, but not me, and I never would." He looks at the camera; I can't see any emotion in his eyes and face. "I and my soon-to-be wife, if she would accept me, Ms. Cbiara Blair Ashton, are the ones I only like to marry and nothing else." He stood powerfully and walked briskly, as if he had no intention of taking back what he was saying.
I watched the television and switched it off. Though I was anxious, I also felt glee in my heart. I am ecstatic right now; it was always one of my aspirations to be this public. Though I was still searching for something, I used to believe that I was fine with being in a secret relationship. And I was shocked to see that in the man standing in front of me.
Abruptly, he embraced me, and I returned the hug. That's what I'm searching for. I will always be attracted to him because of his warmth and big arms. I pulled away from our hug.
"T-thank you," I stammered, thanking him. I got teary-eyed. He made my life colorful, so I will thank him again and again for everything. "You are the best." He wiped my tears away and kissed my eyes after that.
"I'll make everything better for you; I don't want you to suffer." I hugged him again because I would miss him. He'd fly to New Zealand and meet some tough businessmen to tackle business and agreements. "And I'm going to wait for your answer." I pouted, so he planted a kiss on my nose. "I'll miss you," he whimpered.
I know what my answer will be when he comes back, but should I let him leave it if I can say it now? But there was something in my gut telling me that I shouldn't do it, so I was rooting for it.
Raven would never fail me; he never did. For a few months, he made me feel like a princess—a queen indeed. So what am I thinking? Shouldn't I just trust the person who also trusts me?
"I'll give you my answer when you are back," I told him, so he suddenly froze.
"Can you tell it to me now? I would not go."
"Strictly no, you need to go back." I giggled, but he just rolled his eyes.
Little did I know that was the end.