I mistakenly believed that our happiness would last forever since we are now living in this world where others will always judge us based on what they know about us. Despite the air cooling in the car, I was sweaty and not ready for tomorrow, so I clutched to his arm.
I'm not sure, but I have to trust due to the fact it feels like something is warring in my chest.
He puts a kiss on my forehead and says, "Everything's fine." He's here and reassuring, but I'm not sure what to do.
"Okay." I sighed heavily.
"Where do you want us to sleep, your place or my place?" He suddenly asked. I was surprised; actually, everything wasn't processed in my brain.
"In our respective places," I just answered.
"It's wrong, in my place." He gave me a smack on the lips, and I couldn't stand his rapidness but I like it though.
We went straight to his place; he supported me, and all my stuff was already in his condo since his men had brought it there. Suddenly, I thought, What if someone sees us and says I'm the gold digger of his family? Even though we didn't have a relationship at that time, that was Mrs. Smith's accusation. I wonder if she finds out about us?
The things they did to me after Roux and I told them about our relationship terrified me. They behave well with their son, but after Roux leaves, they will speak vicious acts to me. I felt as though someone had stabbed me in the heart with a dagger.
I gave a headshake. I gave Raven a kiss to help him forget that he noticed my anxiety. I have to try to be optimistic about everything because I don't want him to think poorly, but sometimes it's impossible to help being pessimistic.
"I'm fine; I just want to rest." I sweetly responded to him; he didn't say anything, and we entered his room. We usually argue about things in bed because I don't want us to be next to each other since we didn't click with each other. But look now, I was too comfortable in his hands; I feel like I was ready to give up my life to him.
I take a half bath before I go to bed; it's basic hygiene that everyone should do. After me, it was him. At that time, there was still some brewing, but as time went by, it became a routine. I also have some clothes that he bought; even in my place, he also has clothes there. We were like living as a married one.
"Go to bed first; I'll just do something in my mini office." He said goodbye to me, and because I had jet lag during the flight, I also fell asleep that fast.
***
He made breakfast while I was having a shower in the morning, and we shared a kiss before we ate. So that was our weekday routine. We shared a bed all the time; I would put him to sleep in my spot and vice versa. Nobody questioned us, and I'm sure that the secretary and her supervisor don't get too critical because maybe this is just a regular occurrence for them. But that was my comprehension until that particular day I unintentionally heard something in the toilet room.
"Don't you notice that Ms. Secretary and Mr. CEO have something?" A woman's voice whispered, but even if she made her voice tiny, it echoed the whole room. I was inside the cubicle. I was about to come out when I heard that, so I chose to stay inside.
I know it is not good to listen in someone's conversation but I was involved.
"What? Do you think the rumor between them is real?!" was the answer when there was a shrill voice.
"Tone down your voice!" The other woman's contrariness, the one who speaks first, "and there's a twist that I've heard. Sir Roux and Ms. Secretary had a past before, so the rumor is that Ms. Secretary is just using Mr. CEO so that she can win back Roux."
"Really? Oh my gosh, what a blast you said."
"I know right?" The other woman's arrogant answer. "Do you know that Ms. Secretary is just using a potion on Mr. CEO? I mean, Sir Raven won't even waste his time on her since she is Roux's ex, right?"
"You are right; what would Sir Raven do if he finds out that he is just being used?"
"I bet he would just laugh. Raven is a successful tycoon leader in this world, a business-minded, famous, wealthy, and intelligent person. I mean, he is gifted, so do you think he'll go cry to Ms. Cbiara? Crap no," she made fun as if it were hitting my eardrums.
Hearing their comments behind my back makes my heart break into bits. I feel like I am basically an obligation. I was stoic; I knew this was coming, but I didn't expect it to be this severe attack on my chest. My chest tightens, I can't breathe, and it feels like someone is whispering in my ear. My foot is firmly planted in place, and I have no idea what to do.
"She's just a piece of trash to him; you know him because he manages this company; he hasn't had a secretary who hasn't slept with him yet; that's why no one stays with him because they immediately fall in love with Sir Raven; and as usual, he doesn't care about anyone's feelings when they fall from his honey words.” The woman added and I felt a pang in my chest as an idea rippled in my mind.
"You are right, maybe she is just Raven's toy; you know that he will only be used in bed, then when he is done he'll just throw him away.” They both giggle, aren't they aware that they made me feel like I was trash?
"Perfect! Soon, the company will be hiring a new secretary." They both laughed until their voices faded in my ears. I was suddenly out of balance, but fortunately I was able to hold the door.
I couldn't believe what I heard. What I heard made my stomach spin upside down. I struggled to keep back the stinging tears in my eyes—not this time, not now. I do not want this to spill forth. I bit my bottom lip; fortunately, I was skilled at controlling my emotions, so I was able to do so. I also considered Raven's advice: simply trust his words. I will stand firm in my convictions, regardless of what others may say. I'm willing to go through all of the anguish with Smith one more time.
***
"What girl?!" I invited Hiro to come to my house; he just came from Switzerland, and I immediately sent him to the house. And him being Hiro, he immediately went here and sympathized with me. "You are what again?!"
"Lower your voice." I scolded him, but he only became more hysterical and stood up.
"Don't even flirt with him if that's the case! Why are you even so flirty!” He shouted back at me. I bit my nails. How could this man be so harsh to his favorite friend?
"It's not flirting! I just get attached easily, that's it!" I reasoned out. His face was red, and he wanted to tweak me based on his expression. "Damn, I didn't see this coming either, Hiro." I swear, I never once thought of falling for that man; in fact, I was afraid of him, so I didn't realize in a small interaction that I suddenly wanted him beside me. His voice excites me; his presence makes me calm; everything is just not usual.
"And now what, huh? Does he know this? That your colleagues are mocking you behind your back!" He was even angrier than I was, because I had just sobbed while telling him about the two women's talk. "Can you lead me the way and point out who those girls are? I want to beat them up!" he screamed so loudly that I had to make him sit and shut his evil mouth.
It was wrong of me to tell him about it; I forgot that he is protective of me and that we were once misconstrued for having a relationship without them knowing he likes boys as well.
"Of course he doesn't know; they also said something bad to Raven, so they will be blessed by chance."
He scoffs and drinks the pineapple juice I prepared for him earlier. "You don't know boys, do you?" He plastered a smexy grin on his lips.
"Am I this clueless if I know?" I sarcastically ask him back. He is smart but just rotten sometimes.
"If Raven is arrogant, for sure he will promote those girls. I mean, you are a trophy given that you are almost perfect, visual, your brain, your talent, everything, and also you are his brother's ex, so his pride will increase even more. He is going to brag even more," he snapped, and that's when I realized what he was talking about.
So that's what they do to women? Women are just some kind of trophy to their asses?
"Don't mix that with your bitterness; does it hurt like that when your man cheated on you with a woman?" I burst out laughing to lighten our conversation because we were too serious. Suddenly he blew in my face. "Damn it, my dress!!!" I screamed, and then I stood up.
"Don't challenge me like that, Cbiara Blair; you must have forgotten you were traded for your enemy." He fired back. I didn't have time to throw harsh words at him because I was busy undressing my dress and putting it in the tub with water. Fvck shit!
It's not mine! That was from Raven and fvcking expensive; maybe we suddenly have a misunderstanding and he scolds me for the things he gave away. I know I'm advanced, but who knows what will happen? How can I be right about all the things I heard from others? I'm the wretched one in the end, even if the world is turned upside down.
I just need to hold on.