Chapter Thirty-Two

After I finish getting dressed, I quietly wander down to the first floor of the trailer to find everyone huddled around the dining room table talking, laughing, and munching. I stay back not allowing myself to be seen quite yet, wanting to stay invisible for a few more minutes while I put the mask I continuously keep up before I head into the dining area. As soon as I step into the room, everyone looks up from the table with a mixture of sympathetic and worried faces.

“Are you alright?” Freyja asks me as she pulls me into a bone crushing hug.

“Ca-can-‘t breathe.” I tell her as she continues to crush me in her hug.

“Sorry!” She says as she lets me go.

“I’m alright, and don’t worry about it, I know how you are.” I tell her continuing to keep my mask up.

She leans in “Let the mask down sis, everyone here has no ill-will towards you, nor are they going to hurt you.”

I look at her in what I hope mirrors confusion “What do you mean?”

“I know you better than you think or give me credit for, you always wear this mask that shows the world that you’re tougher than you need to be, I’m not saying that you’re not strong or tough, I’m just letting you know that sometimes in order to be strong, you need to let people in.” She says “I know that letting people in isn’t exactly your strong suit, you like to deal with your own things in your own time, without ‘burdening’ others. Well, stop! You’re not burdening anyone, we’re all here because we want to be and because we love you!”

I look at her in complete and total shock “How on earth did you know that I felt like I was burdening anyone?”

“I know how you are, you always feel like you’re being a burden on everyone, which is why you insisted that mom let you get a job as soon as you turned sixteen, you put pretty much your whole check into the household account, even though mom told you thousands upon thousands of times that we were doing ok, and to keep your money for what you needed or wanted.” She replies.

I sigh and look at my hands in defeat, “I don’t mean to be a pain, I really don’t.”

Freyja smacks me upside the head making me look at her in complete shock “What the fuck was that for!” I exclaim.

“For being you!” Let me make this as perfectly clear as I possibly can “you are NOT a pain, and you most certainly are NOT a burden. Get that screwed up way of thinking out of your head real quick, fast, and in a hurry! If mom thought that you were a burden, she wouldn’t have adopted you, she wouldn’t have taken you in when things started to go downhill for your biological parents, if she thought, even for a second that giving you up would make our lives easier, she would have, but she knew what kind of danger you were in, she decided to take you in, knowing what and who you were anyway because that is what you do for the people you love, and believe it or not, you ARE family and you ARE loved.”

I look at her completely dumbfounded as Nik comes up to me and pulls me into a hug “You’re my best friend, you are always going to be in my life, no matter what the capacity. You couldn’t get rid of me when we were in fifth grade, you remember?” He asks.

I tilt my head “remind me.”

He smiles “You were never one to join in on the games and fun on the playground, you would always find a tree to sit under, or if the weather was bad and we were in the library for recess, you’d find a quiet table in the back and read. I remember the first time I approached you under your favorite tree, you were reading a chapter book, I don’t remember what book it was but I could tell it was something I wouldn’t have been able to read, since there weren’t any pictures.” We all chuckle at this. “I remember asking you what the book was about, and you told me that it was about a goth girl who feels like she doesn’t belong in her hometown who finds love and acceptance when a new family moves into an abandoned house in town, rumors start to swirl that their vampires, she becomes determined to find out the truth. You read the entire series over the next few weeks, I thought you were nuts for finishing a whole series in just under a month, where it would have taken most of us at least a month and a half, if not longer to finish. Then when we moved into middle school, you were even more into your books and you weren’t interested in a lot of the things other kids our age were, I would try to get you to come hang out and everything, but you weren’t ever interested so I decided that if I couldn’t get you to join me, I’d join you.”

I smile at the memory “I forgot about that series to be completely honest! Now I’m going to have to find them and pull them out, so I can read them again.”

Everyone chuckles. “You see, you’re not a burden on anyone of us, and we wouldn’t trade you for anything in this world.” Berik says hugging me to her side.

“I know I’m new to this group, and that we don’t know each other very well, but from what I do know of you from my own observations, you’re a genuinely good person who has been dealt a shitty hand.” Dafne says with sincerity.

Everyone sitting around the table nods and agrees with what has just been said. I sit down at the table, still keeping the mask of ‘I’m alright’ up and trying to figure out if what everyone has just stated is truth or if they’re trying to placate me. My mind and gut are warring against each other making me wonder which is right and which is wrong; my mind is telling me that they don’t actually care about me and that this whole road trip is actually a trap, that they’re going to take me to whoever is apparently hunting me; but my gut is telling me to listen to them, their words have aligned perfectly with their actions. I can’t decide which to listen to, so I decide to go down the middle, not listen to either side and push the doubt and uncertainness down and continue going the way I have.

“So, what’s the plan?” I ask no one in particular.

“Well, our driver is taking care of the road, he will mind link me when we’re close to a RV park.” Fenirick says. “Otherwise, we’re all free to do as we please, just keep in mind, no electronics that can be traced, if you want to be on social media, do not use your location.”

I decide to head back up to my room, as soon as I figure out where my books had been put, I go through and find the series that Nik was talking about earlier, they’re a little battered and worn but still in good shape. I smile and allow myself to get lost in the fantasy world that I had long forgotten.