(64) On My Way-2

"Be fucking quiet." He whispered harshly before grabbing me by the elbow and pulling me to his room. He flung his keys from out of his pocket and opened the door swiftly. He pulled my inside. "Get off me!" I barked out. He did as he was told. He lodged his hands in to his hair angrily before pulling his hands down. "A couple of days I asked for and you can't even give me that." He shook his head. I shrinked back a little. It felt as if I couldn't give him his space, what if I was suffocating him? That wasn't my intention at all. "Look-" "No, you look! You don't know next to nothing at the moment. You can't even give me fucking space when I ask for it. Are you that selfish?" He barked out. I shrinked back even further. Kyle was never this aggressive verbally. He stepped forward until his face was near mine. I looked to him, my heart beating faster and faster as I looked to him. What was he doing? "You're a selfish, ignorant woman." He let out. I could now smell the hint of alcohol coming from his mouth. He was obviously a little intoxicated. No wonder why he was being so mean. My eyes welled up but he moved before he could see it. "Have you been drinking?" I asked through the lump in my throat. What was happening to us? "What's it to you?" He moved over to the mini bar which was by the tv. He got his glass and laid it to his lips. I wanted to snatch the glass away but I was too afraid. I was afraid of my own husband like this. I was scared for the words which might tumble out of his mouth. I know he'd never hurt me or the baby, but I didn't want to risk anything especially looking at the state of him now. "Kyle, tell me what's wrong." I demanded. Kyle looked to me but didn't say a word. His eyes were emotionless, empty. "Kyle please." I let out desperately. "Leave me alone." He pointed to the door but I shook my head. "No. You'll tell me what's the matter." I was really hoping he would. "For fuck sake." He whispered as he rolled his eyes. "Tell me, now." I asked firmly. Please, Kyle, come on. "Shut up." He demanded as he took another sip of his drink. His knuckles were clenched as if it was taking all he had to stop himself exploding. "Just tell me Kyle!" I shouted, finally having enough. I was angry. "I have depression! I have fucking depression and I want you to leave me alone!" He shouted, his face red as he shouted my way. I dropped my arms and looked to him with shock. My mouth was opening but I didn't know what to say. "What?" I breathed. "I have depression and I don't know why. I have everything I could ever want, I have you and a baby on the way and I'm depressed! How does that even work? How can I feel like this?" He closed his eyes briefly as if trying to keep the tears at bay. "Kyle-" "No!" He screamed before throwing the glass across the room until it smashed in to pieces behind me. "Now look what you made me do!" "Kyle-" I tried to control him, to console him but he moved backwards. The tears were falling and I didn't know which way to go. Kyle was depressed. Depressed for god sake. That wasn't something to be ashamed of. Why couldn't he let me help him? I tried to reach out to him, but he wouldn't let me. He was shaking with anger, and I know now that it was mostly because of himself, not because he was angry at me. "Get the fuck out!" He said before moving forward and turning me around roughly. He pushed me until I was by the door. "Kyle no! Let me help you!" I screamed as he opened the door. "I need to be left alone. I don't want you here." He nudged me through the door, enough to get me out of the room but not hard enough to make me fly forward. I turned around, trying to get back inside but Kyle slammed the door before I could. I continued to shout as I banged on the door. My hands were turning red as I kept going. "Kyle!" I screamed through the oak door. "Kyle!" I tried and I tried but he just wouldn't open up. With anger and disappointment, I knew I had lost. I had lost a battle I was sure I could have won if he'd let me. "If you don't open this door I'm not coming back." I finalised. After saying that, I hoped he would open the door and take me in to his arms. Tell me he was sorry, tell me that he loved me. But he never did. The door stayed closed and it felt as if my heart was shattering right there and then. "Don't even bother running back to me. I'm not going to bother trying to fight for someone who can't be arsed to put the effort back in! I know you're not yourself but I won't be your punching bag. I'm done with you!" I screamed before walking away from that large oak door. My heart felt heavier than the door itself. It seemed heavier than my body weight. It felt as if I couldn't walk without my knees wanting to buckle from beneath me. I took hold of my phone to call Matt once again. He answered after the second ring. "Cal-" "Come and get me, Matt, please." I spluttered down the phone. "I need you. We need to get away from here." "I'm on my way." -----------------