Chapter 39 Guilt
Will’s P.O.V.
It’s been three days. Three fucking long, miserable days of my life without Iva. Without the woman who brightened up my world.
I’m living like a lifeless soul, and deep inside, I know it’s all my fault. I destroyed everything with my own hands. In my anger, I couldn’t see how much I was hurting the woman I love or how badly I was ruining what we had built together over the past few months.
My friends asked me so many times what happened that day when I ran out of the cafe, what went wrong between Iva and me, but I didn’t tell them. I ignored their questions, pretending to be normal, pretending I’ve moved on from her.
But every inch of my face shows that I’m not okay. I haven’t slept properly for the past three days. And even when I do drift off, I wake up within seconds, reaching for her, only to find the emptiness beside me, and that kills me inside. My mind isn’t working properly. I miss her with every single breath I take and regret pushing her out of my life just like that.
Still, I keep acting normal in front of my friends, forcing laughs at their jokes while my heart cries from the inside. Every second feels like I’m suffocating.
We’re at the club, drinking, but though my body is here, my mind and heart are somewhere else. I drink silently, hearing their conversations, like a dead soul.
"Will, are you okay?" Isabel asks, placing her hand on my shoulder and bringing me back to earth.
"Yeah!" I give her a fake smile, and fuck, it’s so hard even to smile right now. My throat goes dry, and I take a sip of my drink to control my emotions.
It hurts so much.
"But we don’t think so. You look completely lost, and you still haven’t told us what happened between you two after you saw her at the café with that guy. And Professor Iva hasn’t been coming to college since that day either. What’s going on?” Dominic gives me a serious look.
"Yeah, dude! Surely something bad happened," Jack adds, his eyes full of concern, just like the others.
I know they’re worried about me. But how do I tell them the truth? How do I admit what I did in a fit of rage, blinded by jealousy and pain? I didn’t just argue with Iva… I shattered the fragile peace we had built together. I broke something beautiful with my own hands, with words so cruel that now they echo inside my head.
Every time I close my eyes, I see her wet face and her eyes full of pain, begging me not to push her away. She gave her heart to me, and what did I do? I crushed it.
I can’t even look at my own reflection without feeling disgust. I don’t recognise the man staring back at me anymore. All I see is someone who ruined the one person who made him feel alive.
However, I know my friends won’t stop asking until I speak up about what’s going on. There’s no use keeping it from them anymore.
"I ended everything with Iva," I tell them in a painful voice, staring down at the drink in my hand.
"What?" All four of them shout together in shock.
"We thought you love h—" Sebastian starts, but I cut him off.
"She lied to me," I snap, my voice breaking with pain. For a second, they all fall silent.
And the truth is… I don’t know.
I never asked her.
I never gave her the chance to explain.
I just… threw her out of my life like she meant nothing.
Fuck.
The realisation hits me so hard it steals the air from my lungs. I didn’t even let her speak. I didn’t let her defend herself. I didn’t listen. I didn’t look past my own rage and jealousy for even a second.
What kind of person does that?
She was crying. She was shaking. She was begging me not to push her away, and I still kept hurting her.
I was so busy drowning in my own pain that I didn’t see hers. I was so obsessed with being hurt that I never stopped to think… what if she had a reason?
And now…
I’ll never know.
Because I destroyed the only chance I had to understand the woman I love.
"I don’t know.” My eyes drop to the floor in guilt.
"What? You ended everything with her without even asking why she lied to you?" Dominic questions, and they all stare at me in confusion. I can’t even meet their eyes. I know I did wrong, completely wrong.
Right now, I’m feeling like I’m such a horrible person.
"Will, tell us what you did to her?" Isabel demands, gripping both of my shoulders and shaking me. She can already sense I did something terrible, and that’s why I can’t look at them.
The regret is killing me now.
"She lied to me, so I did the same. I lied to her that I don’t love her anymore," I admit, staring at Isabel with tearful eyes before adding, "I kissed another girl in front of her and told her I had a new girlfriend… that everything between us was over."
As soon as the words leave my mouth, Isabel lets go of my shoulders. Even saying it out loud makes me feel like some kind of villain in a movie.
I already know what’s coming, but still, for a second, I thought they might take my side.
Jack shakes his head, looking at me with disappointment. “Dude… you did what?"
"You kissed another girl on purpose? To hurt her?” Isabel asks in disbelief. She can’t even believe what I did, and honestly, neither can I.
I get defensive. "She lied to me first." But deep down, I know I did something far worse.
"So? You didn’t even give her a chance to explain.” Dominic shouts. "What if there was something you didn’t know? What if you jumped to the worst conclusion without hearing her side?"
Sebastian speaks next, his tone calm, but there is disappointment in his eyes. "You loved her, right? Then why didn’t you talk to her? Why didn’t you trust her enough to listen?"
His words hit me hard.
I open my mouth to fight back, but nothing comes out.
"Man, you hurt the one you love the most. How could you?" Dominic rebukes, his voice full of anger. I know I deserve their harsh words. But did she deserve what I did to her?
"Will, the way she looked at you, we all saw it. She loves you so deeply. She must’ve had a big reason for lying. And instead of asking her why, you just threw her out of your life." Isabel shakes her head incredulously.
Right now, I feel like I’ve failed as a lover. Because of my anger, I didn’t give her a chance to explain.
"You should’ve gone to her first. Talked. Trusted her. You didn’t have to destroy her," Sebastian adds quietly.
Their words echo in my head, louder and louder, until I can’t drown them out.
They’re right.
I didn’t listen.
I didn’t trust her.
And my anger led me to the worst thing I’ve ever done.
I never hurt anyone in my life, and yet the one person I ended up hurting the most… was the woman I love.
Fuck!!
I must make everything right anyhow.