Chapter 26

Samantha quickly pushed Damon away from her. She looked in disbelief at Alfred, who was looking at them.

Shock, confusion, anger, and pain—they were all over Alfred's face.

"A-Alfred…" Samantha was disconcerted. She didn't know what to do. "I-I can explain…" she said nervously as she tried to approach her boyfriend.

"Don't come near me." Alfred's voice was quiet but full of conviction.

"Alfred—"

"Don't come near me!" Alfred said again, but this time, his voice was much louder, making her stop in her tracks.

Alfred's eyes welled with tears as he stared at her.

Samantha heard only the rapid beating of her heart as their eyes met.

"Alfred…" It was the only word that would come out of her mouth, his name.

"So my instincts were right," he said bitterly.

Alfred's voice was trembling, and she didn't know if it was from anger or the tears that had already started falling from his eyes.

"Alfred, please…" she begged.

She felt her heart squeeze in pain as she watched Alfred cry.

Alfred turned his gaze to Damon. She saw the bitterness and frustration in Alfred's eyes become anger.

"I knew you were up to something," Alfred said through gritted teeth. "The moment I met you, I knew you were planning something. So this is it, huh? This is what you wanted all along," Alfred said angrily before turning to look at Samantha again. "Is he the reason you were gone for days? Is he the one you were with? Did you not tell me where you were going because you were afraid I would find out? Did you not bother to call me or visit me because you had him? Is that it, Samantha? Is he why?"

Samantha could feel the anger and frustration in Alfred's voice, and her heart clenched in pain at the thought that she was the one who'd caused it.

She burst into tears as she shook her head, looking at Alfred, who was also still crying.

"Don't just fucking cry, Samantha! Answer me!"

She flinched at how loud Alfred's voice was, but she kept on crying. She wanted to stop crying and explain everything, but she couldn't. All she could do was cry.

"I-I didn't mean for this to happen, Alfred. I didn't," she said, shaking her head repeatedly.

"Nonsense!" Alfred shouted angrily. "How could you not mean for this to happen? Did you slip and accidentally kiss him? Was his hand on your chest also an accident? Is that it, Samantha? Was all of this a fucking accident?" He pulled at his own hair in frustration and turned his back on her, but then he quickly faced her again.

He pointed a finger at her. "Don't give me that bullshit, Samantha. I'm not a fool!"

Alfred's hands trembled as he wiped his tear-stained face. "I gave you a chance, Samantha. I gave you a chance to be honest with me, but what did you do? You lied! And you even dared to get angry with me. What was it you said? That I don't care about how you feel? That I don't trust you? Yet all along, my instincts were right! You were fooling around behind my back! You're still cheating on me!" Samantha could do nothing but cry and shake her head repeatedly. "I loved you, Samantha. You know that, don't you? You felt it too. So why did you do this to me? Is it because I'm not enough for you? Did you get tired of me?"

"No. N-no, Alfred. No…"

"Did you sleep with him?"

Samantha cried even harder at Alfred's question. And that was enough of an answer for him.

Alfred took a deep breath. He seemed to be trying to calm himself down, but his tears continued to flow.

He looked again at Damon, who was quietly listening and watching them.

A bitter smile crept across Alfred's lips. "Are you satisfied? What you wanted has finally happened."

"Alfred, please, let me explain," Samantha begged, still crying, but Alfred just turned around and started walking away.

She was about to follow him when Damon stopped her by grabbing her arm.

She looked at Damon angrily. "Let me go," she said through gritted teeth and falling tears. But Damon's grip on her arm only tightened.

"Don't leave, Samantha," Damon said as he stared at her intently.

Samantha wiped the tears from her cheeks and roughly withdrew her arm from Damon's grip. She gave him a deadly look. "This is all your fault, Damon."

"Is it really all my fault, Samantha? I know you liked what happened. I know you like me—"

"Shut up!" she quickly cut him off. "No matter what you do or say, I will never choose you. It's Alfred that I love, and I'll choose him over and over again. So do me a favor, Damon, stop messing with me and leave me alone. Get out of my life!"

"I can't do that—"

"If you don't want me to hate you forever, then please, stop all of this. Stop these games of yours. Stop this fucking obsession of yours!"

Samantha was slightly taken aback when she saw pain temporarily pass over Damon's face at what she'd said, but she ignored it. She couldn't let him affect her. She shouldn't care.

So she turned her back on Damon completely. "I don't want to see your face ever again," she said coldly before finally following Alfred and leaving Damon behind.

This is good. This needed to happen, her mind said. But why did she feel such pain in her heart? Why wouldn't her tears stop falling as she remembered the look on Damon's face? Why was she still hurting?

***

Samantha was nervous. Alfred, who remained silent, was in front of her, his face unreadable.

It had been a week since Alfred had caught her with Damon. And for a week, she'd kept returning to Alfred's apartment to try to talk to him, but Alfred never let her in. That's why she was shocked when she received his message yesterday, saying that he was ready to talk to her. So now here she was, in Alfred's apartment.

They were in the living room. She was sitting in an armchair, and he was sitting across from her on the sofa.

The truth was she didn't know what to say to Alfred. She had rehearsed last night what she would say to him, but now that she was facing him, she seemed to have forgotten everything she'd practiced. Now that Alfred was in front of her, she no longer knew how to begin or which of the many emotions she felt was visible on her face. But she knew that she had to do this. She owed Alfred an explanation, so she would tell him everything, even if it meant hurting herself again.

She took a few deep breaths, and then she lifted her face and looked directly at Alfred, who was looking out the window.

She cleared her throat before speaking, "Alfred, t-thank you for giving me the chance to talk to you…" She could hear the loud beating of her heart. She was very nervous, but she forced herself to continue. "Uhm…honestly…I don't know how to start. I…I just…" She temporarily stopped speaking when she felt something stick in her throat. She cleared her throat again, but just as she was about to resume, Alfred suddenly spoke up.

"If you're here to apologize, I don't want to hear it," Alfred said, still looking out the window.

She looked down. She did not know what to say.

Damn it, Samantha! Come on! Say something! she silently scolded herself.

She bit her lower lip hard. She was saved from having to speak again when Alfred interrupted her. "Tell me, Sam," he began, finally looking at her. "Why? Why did you cheat on me? Did I do something wrong? Was I not enough for you?"

"No," Samantha answered quickly. "You did nothing wrong, Alfred. It's me. I'm the one who was wrong. It's all my fault. Just me."

Sadness washed over Alfred's face, causing Samantha to look down again. She couldn't look him in the eye now. Her conscience could not bear the pain and sadness on his face. She felt like her heart was being torn to pieces from the guilt. But even though she felt that way, she knew she had to keep going.

And so, in a trembling voice, she started speaking again. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I want to say it, Alfred." She raised her face again and, with difficulty, tried to meet Alfred's eyes so that he could see how sincere she was about what she had to say. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Alfred," she said, her tears starting to fall. "I…I know that those words are not enough to fix what I did, but…but I needed to say them. I…I want you to know how sorry I am. There's no excuse for what I did, Alfred. And I know that no matter what I say right now, nothing will alleviate the pain you're feeling. You can call me anything you want. Call me a bitch, a slut, a whore—whatever you want—and I won't say a word. Because I deserve it, Alfred. I know I deserve it. And if you can't forgive me right now, that's fine. I'll wait. I'll wait until you're ready—"

"You don't have to wait, Samantha," Alfred cut her off.

Her eyes widened, and her lips parted slightly. "W-what? What do you mean…?"

Pain was no longer visible on Alfred's face. It had been replaced with seriousness as he stared at her. "We should break up, Samantha."

Samantha could not speak. She was speechless.

She knew there was a good chance that their relationship would end, but she still couldn't help but be surprised. She didn't think Alfred would make a decision this quickly.

"You don't love me, Samantha."

"No! That's not true. I-I love you, Alfred," she replied in a small voice.

"Well, that love of yours wasn't enough to stop you from cheating on me with another man."

Samantha went silent again. Every word that came out of Alfred's mouth was like a sharp needle piercing her heart—piercing it with truth and honesty.

"Honestly, I'm so disappointed in you, Samantha. I never thought you would do this to me. I thought you were better than this. But I was wrong. Yet what happened happened. And no matter what I say right now, no matter what you say to me, and no matter how many times you apologize, it still won't change the fact that you cheated on me. You say you love me. But I highly doubt that. Because if you loved me, then you wouldn't have been able to lie to me about seeing another man. You wouldn't have been able to have sex with another man." Alfred took a deep breath before continuing, "I know what I'm worth, Samantha. I know I deserve better. Someone who won't choose lust over love. Someone who won't lie to me and cheat on me. Someone who will love me with all her heart."

Samantha felt like she was being choked. She still could not speak. She just kept crying silently as her guilt slowly ate away at her.

"I love you, Sam, but I love myself more. And so, I must choose what's best for me, which is letting you go. I can't be with you, Samantha. I can't," Alfred said. Then he stood up and walked towards his room.

He opened the door to his room, but before entering, he spoke without looking back at her. "Please sort out your feelings, Sam. Listen to your heart. I haven't forgiven you yet, but I still want you to be happy. After all, you're still the first woman I ever loved." He finally entered his room, leaving Samantha with a heavy heart and thousands of thoughts running through her head.