chapter 314: I Can't Do This
chapter 314: I Can't Do This
Chapter 314: I Can't Do This
Abigail
After all I had done, I realized that my mind and body needed to calm down and start thinking rationally. We held each other for a few more lingering moments before he placed a kiss on my head and pulled away, revealing an empty room. James’s body was now gone, the only trace left of him being the dried up blood that leaked out from his head. Everyone else had left, the door and hallway were cleared out. As he started leading me out, a thought appeared in my head.
“I want to see the crash site.” I said and he stopped walking. I stopped as well but didn't turn my head to face him, knowing that if I looked him in the eyes, he would probably be successful in changing my mind. He sighed.
“I don't know if that is a good idea, Abigail.”
“I want to see the crash site.” I repeated firmly.
“Wheyher you take me or not won't matter, I am getting there somehow before they clean it up.” He let out a deep breath.
“Okay, we will go see it.”
I nodded and left it at that, leaving him to be by himself and slowly walked up the stairs, feeling the harsh heat of my heart all the way down there in my stomach and making it hurt to breathe and hard to function. As I walked by the living room again, my eyes caught the sight of everyone sitting like waiting ducks as if discussing how to find a solution to a problem like this.
“What the hell are you sitting here and talking for?” I gritted through my teeth.
“What, are you trying to figure out how we can pump his heart back to life?”
“We don't know if he is dead, Abigail.” Capo said.
“They couldn't find his body.”
I didn't respond, just shook my head with a scoff, starting to walk away when the sound of Sonia and Edith standing up to follow me filled my ears and I stopped.
“I don't need company right now.” I said and luckily they listened.
Finally, I made my way upstairs, passing Luke’s room on the way to our. My lower lip quivered as I slowly pushed his door open and peeked over to his sleeping and peaceful face. I covered my mouth so as to not make a sound when I remember his promise to give Rodrigo a big hug tomorrow morning. He loves his uncle with all his heart, how the hell could he live without him?
After entering our room, I headed straight to the bathroom to get James’s dirty-looking blood off me. As I stripped out of my clothes, my eyes felt weighted down by the pound of tears I could have cried out if my mind was racing so hard. All it had been focusing on was seeing this accident site and getting to the bottom of what happened. His body hasn't been found, his car is completely totaled but sitting in the middle of a dead road with nothing surrounding him, that looked to be involved. His phone is off, probably broken. He is dead, he has to be dead.
My hands were pulling at the scalp of my hair as scalding hot water fell over my face and body, anger boiling in the pit of my stomach. I need to take it out again on someone, anyone. I scrubbed furiously at my limbs, trying to quicken the process of cleaning the dirty feeling off my skin after so violently injuring somebody to the brink of death. It should have happened earlier, someone should have given that sick excuse of a human being what he deserves a long time ago. Why didn't I do it? What was stopping me from slitting his throat the moment I had found out what he had done? If the job was done then, Rodrigo wouldn't have stormed off tonight and we would be sitting at the dinner table enjoying the season as proper families do.
“Fuck!” I shouted, storming out of the shower and pulling a towel over my body. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, the sight of me being alive and well while the love of my life was dead so nauseating that I wanted to shoot myself any time my reflection would appear in my head. I took a couple of breaths to calm myself down as my hands gripped into the side of the sink, a feeling of nausea emerging at the pit of my stomach. I covered my mouth, rushing over to the toilet in time, I let out a crackly sob as my hand came up to flush out the content that forced their way out of my body, feeling like I would puked my guts out. An unimaginable pain in my chest had my breathing erratic and forcing my hand to come up and press down on the pressure to ease the hurt I felt as it spread throughout my body.
“I can't do this.” I whispered, shaking my head as I rested it against the cold marble wall and held my knees against my chest. But I had to, so I forced myself up and walked out to the bedroom, kneeling in front of our suitcase and reluctantly pulled it open. It painted me to look at his clothes, his rings, his watches while knowing he wasn't here to wear them anymore. It was as if I was being tortured, mentally but it hurt, physically. Picking up one of his favorite hoodies, I pulled it towards my chest, tightly holding onto the thick fabric as tears of sorrow left my eyes and I let out a silent cry, looking up towards the ceiling.
“Please, don't do this, I am begging you, please.” I sobbed.
“You can't take him from me too.”
My eyes closed, feeling his arms around me, his scent enveloping me in a tight and protective hug. His lips pressed against the top of my hand, his fingers brushing through my hair.
‘I love you, sweetheart.’ The same tone and affection laced throughout his voice every night before we would go to sleep as his arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me against his chest. He would place a single kiss on my neck or shoulder and then sigh happily. I would drift off to sleep, the feeling of his fingers caressing my thighs keeping all of the darkness and pain surrounding us.
“You can't take him from me too.” I whispered. It is torture, I can't live without that man and everybody knows that.
But I need to tough it out, not only for him but for myself as well. He might not be here to protect me anymore, I need to prepare muse for what is to come. So I wiped my teats and lifted myself off the floor, biting into my lip to keep my pain focused on the piercing feeling of my teeth digging into my skin. I dug into a large pocket unsure of one of my bags and pulled out my gun and knife.