Chapter 132 DAX
RAGNAR'S POV
“That’s not–”
“You ignored it previously,” he cuts in a lot sharper now. “You ignored me if it wasn't benefiting you.”
The accusation lands clean and sadly, it's not wrong.
“I needed time,” I say, my voice tightening despite myself.
The pack has been under the threat of Rogues, rival Alphas and scheming Elders since the celebrations.
I couldn't afford to have a mate then.
That's why I wanted nothing to do with him.
And when the bond was insistent, I hired him as my guard to keep him close.
How has it all gone up in flames?
“For what?” he fires back. “To decide if I was worth keeping?”
“No.”
The word comes out harsher than I intend.
“That’s not what this is about.”
“Then what is it about, Alpha Ragnar?” he demands.
His voice cracks slightly on my name, it's barely noticeable but I hear it.
And something in me snaps finally.
Not anger, is the walls I've spent years building, the cold persona I've had to develop to be able to be the Alpha needed for this pack.
This isn’t just a mere misunderstanding anymore.
It's everything we haven’t said, I haven't said that's crashing into everything I should have said.
“I’ve already told you,” I say, my tone dropping to one more serious now. “I intend to honor the bond.”
“Then why does it feel like you don’t?” he shoots back instantly.
I go silent and it's different this time, it's because I don’t have an easy answer for his questions.
The truth, the truth is much more complicated and I hate explaining complicated things.
But I can see it now.
If I don't say it, if I int explain myself here and now, this all ends here.
Right now.
And I don’t want that. I don't want Sebastian to… reject me.
“…Because I don’t know how,” I admit finally after ruminating for a while.
The words feel foreign and uncomfortable in my mouth.
I am the Alpha of one of the most of no, the most powerful pack in the realm, ignorance could mean the death or destruction of my pack so I was never afforded that luxury but now?
I don't know.
I feel so exposed saying it.
Sebastian stills slightly for just a second but then he nods and shakes his head again.
“Right,” he says quietly. “Of course.”
That’s not what I meant.
“Listen to me–”
“I did,” he cuts in. “I listened when you said you didn’t want this.”
I frown.
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to exactly.”
The certainty in his voice is frustrating and infuriating because it’s built on assumptions.
Is this how much confidence he has of our mate bond ever working out?
Why is he so adamant on things he thinks he understands?
Who is this so-called Alpha walking around with my scent?
Moon goddess knows I’m running out of patience trying to correct him.
“I’ve been patient,” he continues, his voice lower now. “I’ve been trying to figure out what you want for a while and where I stand.”
His gaze locks onto mine.
“But you never said anything.”
That one, that one lands because it’s true.
“And now suddenly,” he adds, “you only care to proceed with our bond because I was claimed by someone else?”
“That’s not why–”
“Then why does it sound like it is?”
I exhale sharply, running a hand through my hair.
It kinda sounds stupid coming from him.
“This isn’t about Dax,” I say.
“It sure feels like it is,” he counters.
“It’s not.”
“Then prove it.”
The words hang between us as I realize there's no clean way forward after this.
Telling him, proving it to him would mean it saying things I don’t want to say and facing things I’ve spent years avoiding.
My jaw tightens.
I don’t like this at all, I don’t like being cornered.
I don’t like being seen like this.
But, I have to.
If I don’t, I will lose him forever.
The realization is sudden and unwelcome.
“…I’ve had a mate before,” I say finally.
The words drop into the space between us like a stone as Sebastian nods.
This wasn't some sort of secret in the pack.
“She went mad,” I continued, my voice quieter now. “No one knows why and even after going to several doctors and even healers, no one could fix it.”
The memory is distant and so far away but the weight of how I was is still there, crushing on me.
“And then she died even after I tried everything.”
Silence.
“That’s why,” I add, my voice tightening slightly. “That’s why I don’t rush into things like this. That’s why I don’t–”
A sharp knock cuts through the room, breaking the tense moment as I stop.
The mood shatters instantly as I look up to see Sebastian exhaling.
And to my jarring surprise, it almost sounds like relief. Like he’s glad for the sudden interruption.
Of course he is, even though I didn't want to have this conversation, it was getting a little too real and close to home.
He doesn’t say anything after that, doesn't even look at my expression as he turns and walks toward the door.
Part of me wants to stop him, to tell him to ignore the door and finish my sentence, to finish what I started.
But I don’t move, secretly I'm also glad for the interruption so I just stay where I am and see who's the visitor.
The door opens and there he is, the man who's forced the delicate balance in my bond between I and Sebastian.
Dax.
He's just standing there, staring at Sebastian and looking concerned.
My jaw tightens instantly, of all people to be here today of all days, of course it’s him.
It just had to be him.
Sebastian doesn’t say anything right away as he's just standing there, facing him.
And I can already feel the tension just get worse.
Today might not go exactly as planned.