Chapter 131 THE THINGS WE DON'T SAY
RAGNAR'S POV
That question seems to catch him off guard.
“What?”
“Did he tell you something?” I press on. “Because that’s what all of this sounds like.”
His expression hardens into something that looks like disbelief.
“What are you talking about?”
“You walked in here,” I continue, “already convinced I’m rejecting you. Already convinced I’ve chosen someone else.”
My grip on his wrist tightens slightly but it's not to hurt him but rather to keep him here.
“So I’ll ask again–did he say something?”
“No,” he snaps.
“Then why are you acting like this?” I demand in frustration.
What has happened in the span of one day?
His eyes flash with anger.
“Because I’m not blind, Ragnar!”
The name hits differently when he says it like that.
“You don’t just walk around smelling like another Alpha for no reason,” he continues. “That doesn’t just happen, especially if it's from you.”
My jaw clenches.
“And you don’t just let another Alpha claim you in public either,” I shoot back not knowing what he's accusing me of.
The moment the words leave my mouth, I see it.
I know I’ve crossed a fine line because his expression changes instantly and the anger disappears.
It's replaced by something else, something I would spend the rest of my life praying and fighting I never see again.
It is something much worse.
Hurt.
The look of deep and unfiltered hurt in his face all of a sudden makes this argument feel stupid in the first place.
How could I say that when I've not even given him the reassurance of anything before?
It feels like damage has already been done and I’m the one who just made it worse.
Silence crashes down between us as my thoughts scramble for anything I can say to take back my words.
I all but just indirectly accused him of infidelity.
What was he supposed to be fidel to in the first place?
An unbothered Alpha who hasn't mentioned anything about being his mate since?
I closed my eyes in sadness because I feel like there’s no taking those words back.
The moment stretches on for too long and he's just looking at me like he's been slapped.
I see it happen right in front of me so I know it is irreversible.
The exact second my words land and cut at his very being.
Sebastian who was angry mere seconds ago just goes still.
Not calm or composed like he's putting himself together, he just goes still.
Like something inside him just cracked.
I know now that I’ve just said the worst possible thing I could have ever said to him.
Damn it.
I came here to rectify it all and tell him that I want to announce to the whole pack that I'm his mate so why did it turn out like this?
“Sebastian–”
I take a step forward, my grip loosening on his wrist as my voice shifts to remorse.
“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”
It’s so clumsy and wrong to apologize in a pathetic way that's not enough but I have no words to say.
I’ve never had to do this in a long time, I've never had to explain myself for anything but this is different.
I don't want Sebastian to not want me, I don't want to… lose him.
I have to explain and try to get him to forgive me because the look on his face isn’t anger anymore.
It’s hurt, and I did that.
Me, his life bound mate.
I am lucky to get a second chance mate but what about Sebastian?
What if I'm his only chance at getting a mate and I've just fucked it all up?
Sebastian lets out a quiet breath that sounds tired.
When was the last time he slept?
Now that I look at him, he has hints of blue tinge in his eyelids and his carrying himself in a hunched manner
All of this whole thing must be carrying a toll on him and I just drove the nail further in.
“I know,” he says.
It's like he knows I'm apologizing but he feels like it's not sincere from me at all.
My chest tightens even with his acknowledgement because that’s not relief in his voice.
That’s resignation.
“You don’t have to explain it,” he continues, gently pulling his wrist from my grasp.
I let him because I don't want to hurt him. “It’s the truth, isn’t it?”
“No–”
“You don’t have to pretend anymore.”
He steps back, creating distance between us, letting his gaze finally meet mine again.
And there’s nothing soft there now, he looks so certain and sure of his decision.
“You said it yourself,” he goes on apathetically. “I let another Alpha claim me. In public.”
Each word is measured and hits me in the heart harder.
“That’s not what I meant,” I repeat, more firmly this time.
But he’s already shaking his head.
“It’s fine.”
No! It’s not.
It’s the furthest thing from fine.
“You’ve been ignoring it anyway,” he continues with his voice picking up slightly. “The bond and the relationship between us.”
That hits hard on my face.
“And now suddenly,” he adds, “you care?”
His eyes sharpen.
“Why?”
I open my mouth but he doesn’t let me answer.
“Why now?” he presses. “After everything? Besides you just wanted an ‘arrangement’ so what changed?”
Frustration flickers through me, but I push it down because this isn’t about me right now.
“I was going to talk to you about that,” I say, trying to steady the conversation before it spirals any further.
“Talk?” he echoes, almost laughing again. “Now you want to talk?”
“Yes.”
But he doesn’t hear it.
Or maybe he just doesn’t care any longer.
“Where was that before?” he demands. “When the bond first happen? When everything changed, where was this talk?”
I don’t have an immediate answer for him and my silence, my hesitation causes him to conclude the wrong thing.
“Exactly,” he mutters with a sad smile.