Chapter 105 Three times

Chapter 105 Three times
Marcus POV

I've changed my shirt three times.

Three fucking times, can you believe it?

It's like I am some nervous teenager going to prom instead of a grown man who's been on plenty of dates before.

Well, except this isn't just any date.

This is my last chance with Talia.

My only chance, actually.

It's the only chance I get to ‘prove’ myself to her and to some extend, prove to myself that I am capable of loving honestly again.

Truth be told, I am fucking terrified that I am going to fuck it up.

I am nervous that I might not meet her standards.

I stare at myself in the mirror…dark grey button-down shirt, black slacks, leather shoes that I polished twice because I couldn't sit still.

Looking at myself, I can’t help but wonder if this is too much or… not enough or completely wrong.

"Get it together," I mutter to myself but sadly, that doesn't seem to help.

My phone buzzes on the dresser.

It's a message from Orion asking me to not overthink…as if he is reading my mind.

Right. Don't overthink it.

It's easy for him to say.

I spent two hours on the phone with Orion Hayes yesterday, listening to him break down exactly how he won Bailey back after their disaster of a situation. How he proved he was worth fighting for.

"Show her you're serious. Show her you've changed.

Most importantly,listen to her. Don't just wait for your turn to talk."

It was sound advice if I can actually follow it without my anxiety short-circuiting my brain.

I check my watch. 

It's 6:30 PM.

That's exactly thirty minutes until I'm supposed to pick her up.

I have peonies waiting in the car.

They are her favorite flowers.

She mentioned it once after one of our post-sex conversations when we were both still pretending this was casual.

"I love peonies," Talia had said, looking at some photo on her phone. "They're so delicate but they last forever if you take care of them properly."

At that time, I had filed it away without thinking much about it.

Now, I'm hoping she remembers telling me. 

A desperate part of me is hoping it shows I was paying attention even when I was too much of a coward to admit I cared.

My phone buzzes again. It's another message from Orion 

“Stop panicking. I can feel your anxiety from here.”

I almost laugh. It's funny how someone's welcome barely met days ago is the one helping me win the woman I love back.

He said he was doing it for his woman, that he doesn't want her stressed about Talia since she is pregnant.

But I can still feel the sincerity in his words and actions too.

It feels like having an older brother looking out for you. 

That's funny coming from me who has a terrible relationship with my brother. 

I set my phone down and take a deep breath.

Orion mentioned that I just need to be myself.

The real me and not trying to be the version I think Talia wants.

I should be the guy who's been in love with Talia or months but was too scared to admit it.

The guy who let the best thing in his life walk away because he was a coward.

The guy who punched someone in the face because the thought of another man kissing her made him lose his mind.

Yeah. 

That's real attractive.

I grab my keys and wallet, check my reflection one more time, and head out.

The drive to Talia's apartment takes fifteen minutes.

It's fifteen minutes of me running through every possible conversation, every potential disaster that could arise and every way this could go wrong.

What if she has changed her mind?

What if she takes one look at me and realizes this was a mistake?

What if I say something stupid and she walks out?

What if I don't say enough and she thinks I'm not trying?

"Stop," I say out loud to myself. "Just stop."

Because I am driving myself crazy here.

I pull into her apartment complex minutes before the pickup time.

That's minutes early and once again, my mind starts overworking.

Should I wait in the car? Show up exactly at seven? Does it even matter?

Jesus, when did I become this person? I can't even recognise myself anymore.

I grab the flowers from the passenger seat and get out before I can overthink it anymore.

Her apartment is on the third floor.

I have been here before…plenty of times, actually but always late at night, always for sex and always with the understanding that I'd be gone by morning.

It was never like this, like someone trying to prove I deserve more than just her body.

I knock on her door at exactly seven. That tells you one thing, I ended up stalling for the pickup time to arrive eventually.

For a moment, there's nothing. Seconds later, I hear movement inside.

They are footsteps approaching.

Then door opens and I forget how to breathe.

Talia is standing there in a dark blue dress that fits her perfectly, her hair down in soft waves.

She is wearing minimal makeup that somehow makes her even more beautiful.

She's stunning.

No, she is always been stunning.

But tonight knowing she got dressed up for me, for our date…it hits different.

"Marcus," she calls and I notice that her voice is carefully neutral.

"Talia." I manage to get her name out without sounding like a complete idiot. "You look... incredible." I add, hoping she doesn't find it…inappropriate or me trying too hard.

"Thank you," she says and I can see her walls up.

Her guard is still in place but can I blame her for it? Definitely not.

I hold out the flowers.

"These are for you," I say.

“ They are your favourite.” I add that part so she is aware that I didn't just pick them randomly because that's something I'd do. She has to know that I picked them specifically for her.

Something flickers in her eyes and she takes them carefully.

"You remembered," she says quietly.

"I remember a lot of things," I say. "I just... I wasn't good at showing it before." I don't know why I got the itch to explain myself but anyway…there it was.

She looks at me for a long moment, like she's trying to decide if I'm full of shit.

Then she steps back.

"Let me put these in water," she says. "Come in. I just need to grab my purse." She adds.

I step inside her apartment, and it feels different being here in daylight, being here with permission, being here as someone she chose to let in rather than someone she was hiding.

She disappears into the kitchen, and I hear water running.

My heart is pounding so hard I'm surprised she can't hear it.

When she comes back, she has her purse and a light jacket.

"Ready?" she asks.

"Yeah," I confirm.

We walk to my car in silence.

I open the passenger door for her and I realise that's something I never did before, because we never did this before.

Talia gives me a look I can't quite read before sliding in.

Once I take my position, we move.

The drive to the restaurant is quiet.

It's not exactly uncomfortable but it's charged with everything unsaid between us.

I want to say something, anything to break the silence.

But Orion's voice rings in my head: 

“ Don't just fill the silence. Be present. Let her lead if she needs to.

So I stay quiet and focus on driving.

We pull up at the restaurant and the valet takes my keys.

Inside, the hostess greets us warmly and leads us to our table.

It's a small booth in the corner giving an intimate ambience.

I pull out Talia's chair and she sits, giving me that same unreadable look.

Once we're both settled and the menus in hand, the reality of this moment crashes over me.

This is it.

This is my one shot at my future with the woman before me.

I look at Talia across the table.

She looks beautiful, guarded and hurt because of me and I know I can't fuck this up.

"Thank you for coming tonight," I say.

My voice is surprisingly steadier than I feel. "I know I don't deserve this chance. I know I've given you every reason not to trust me. But I meant what I said in the park. I love you, Talia and I want to prove it."

She sets down her menu and looks at me directly.

That looks…God, it's so pure and mesmerising.

“ That's why we are here Marcus. I want to live that proof not to hear it. The night is too long.” She says with a smile and I swallow because hell, that line stirs something dirty and ungodly deep inside me.