CHAPTER 285

CHAPTER 285
“Your guilt might never go away,” My Mother told me as she held me in her lap, “but you'll have to find a way to live with it. I did.”

“You didn't kill thousands of people over the death of a child that's not even dead,” I cried, “not as if they deserved to die even if he was. They were victims of Vlad, and instead of helping them recover, I became just like him. I don't deserve to live at all.”

“It's normal to feel like you don't deserve to see the sun again,” she continued trying to get me to crawl out of the hell my head had descended into, “but you need to grow up now. I've spent all the time since you were born trying to keep you as that little girl who depended on me for everything but I can't do that anymore. Your child needs you, your mate is still lost and I might have been able to pull you out of the darkness but only you can save him. You must pull yourself together Eleanor.”

“But you can take care of Xander,” I insisted, “we don't need to be out there in the faces of the people we'd ripped their families apart. Leave us here to rot forever.”

“We can't do that and not just because I want my daughter to finally have a life but leaving you here is dangerous. The darkness will never completely leave, I've lived with it since the day I fully became a vampire. It thrives in dreary environments like this. If you let it take control again, this holding cell won't be able to keep you in again and who knows what it'll do when it escapes?”

“But what if it comes back when I'm out there? You should be building a stronger prison for me!”

“No,” she shook her head and pulled me up to sit and face her. “You'll leave here with me, you and your mate will face the Supernatural Council and you'll atone for your crimes. And then I'll teach you how to control the darkness. I've conquered it, you can too. I have the strongest one in me and I've learned to use it as it's meant to. You're stronger than me but I've doused you in the environment that strengthens it. Let me repair that, please?”

Reluctantly, I nodded.

“How did he survive?” I asked, the realisation that my son is alive slowly registering in my head.

“Oh he's a fighter,” my mother smiled. “I fed him my blood, yours managed to keep his body in state. It took months but he's fine now. He's been asking for his mother for a while now. Can we give that to him as his birthday gift?”

“Wait, it's been how long?”

“You've been here for three months, it's been eight months since the end of the war. He'll be one by Friday. Today is Monday.”

I exhaled slowly, my head struggling to wrap around everything at once.

It had seemed like a few weeks had passed but I'd missed out nearly an entire year of my life, leaving my body to an external being to be in control of my life for so long.

I felt violated and used.

“Look at it this way,” my mom got my attention again, “you would never do any of these things. Eleanor, the soul that inhabits this body is obsessed with solving problems, healing people, and showing as much love as she can to everyone. This wasn't you, not entirely. No one else will see it that way, but you need to understand that this was an invasion of your mind and body and the darkness is an enemy that you allowed to win. To keep living in guilt is to lay the groundwork for it to win again.”

“Because it thrives in horrible environments like that,” I nodded in realization.

While I'd been sad and miserable most of my life, Nic had it worse. We just happened to be powerful enough for the darkness to use us and we just… let it.

“And no one knows where this thing is from? Or who's controlling it?”

“Hemera said he was her lover and they created us together. But when she realized his actual intentions, she chased him out. But he still played a part in the vampire virus being created and when the stage is set perfectly, his own version will come to life.”

“No one knows where he is?”

“No and we're not going to focus on that. You were once happy, we'll find that version of you. Nothing will ever give it a chance to rise again.”

“Are you sure?”

“I'm your Mother,” she declared, firmly holding my hand, “I'll not allow this to happen again. I didn't know anything about it before but now, it's all I've spent the last six months learning about. You'll never descend so far down that rabbit hole again. I promise you that.”

I nodded again and she reached out and cleaned the tears that streaked my cheeks.

“Thank you for saving me,” I whispered, eyes downcast.

She could have given up on me, she'd seen this vision, three of them actually and they tried so hard to prevent me from spiralling down that path but I found a way to it.

Yet, after all the gray hairs I gave her, she still chased after me, until she pulled me back from the evil that consumed me. And despite how bloody my hands were, she was here and the hatred I saw in the other woman's eyes was not in hers.

I didn't deserve it but I wasn't about to become a brat again. Like she said, it was time to grow the fuck up, face my punishment, and do everything I can to stop the last year from repeating itself.

“How did you do it?” I asked her, “So I can do the same with Nic.”

“You guys have a bond, so it won't be difficult to reach him. The problem is I don't know how comfortable he's gotten on the other side. The silence can be addictive if your life here is as messed up as his was.”

“So I might reach him but he won't want to fight the darkness?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Then I'll kill him,” I grunted to myself but shook away the thought, “sorry, I shouldn't be talking about killing again.”

“No, you're right. Vlad should have been killed by his father when he wasn't able to drive out the darkness, instead, he let it fester, because he wanted to use him to get the kingdom back. Look where that landed us.”

I took a shaky breath and stood up. I refused to think about the implications of failing. He has to want me enough to fight the darkness.

Else….

Don't think about it, Eleanor.