Book3. Samantha - I'm sorry 2

Book3. Samantha - I'm sorry 2
I winced internally at his question, not liking that he was blaming himself for my reaction.
“You did nothing wrong,” I told him truthfully, but the anguish in his eyes told me he didn’t believe me.
His fingers trembled as he placed his hands on the table. “If that’s true, then why did you run away from me?”
I didn’t like his question as it was forcing me to be vulnerable, and I hated explaining myself, especially to a man, but he was my match, and for better or for worse, we were stuck together. Unless I wanted to have a marriage like the couple who had taken me in after my father’s death—a couple who had hated each other’s guts with a passion—I had to be willing to put in the work to make things less awkward between us.
So, putting on my big girl pants, I explained, “The way I reacted when you touched me—that’s not who I am. I ran because I needed a couple of minutes to sort out my thoughts.”
Ulrus studied me—his golden gaze shining with raw emotion. It made me uncomfortable, but I refused to look away.
Eventually, he nodded before saying, “No more running away. Bad things always happen when someone runs away.” He let out a long breath. “Terrible, horrible things,” he emphasized.
There was a deep sadness in his voice as he said that. While I wasn’t sure what he meant by that, I felt it was important to agree with him, so I told him, “Alright.”
A soft expression appeared on his face.
“Finish your milkshake,” he encouraged me.
His seemingly easygoing personality took me by surprise, as I was used to men who would have told me at least ten times why it had been wrong of me to run away and made me promise at least five times that I would never do it again.
In a way, Ulrus reminded me of my father.
“Do you want one as well?” I asked, wanting to be polite.
He shook his head. “When you’re done, we’ll continue with our shopping and return home.”
It was a solid plan, and I liked plans.
“Sounds good.”

“She’s so beautiful,” I cooed as I picked up Lexi’s baby, Lake, in my arms, gently cradling her to my chest.
“She looks just like her father,” Lexi said while glancing at her husband, who sat next to her on the sofa and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
I was happy for Lexi. When we were still in the CCC, Nine, Lexi, and I would sometimes talk about what we would do if we ever got out. Nine would say that she wanted to form a big street gang made up only of women and cleanse Earth of all the corrupt politicians, while Lexi dreamed of having a farm. Well, her dream came true, and it also came with a daughter and a man who clearly adored her.
It had been almost a year since I had last seen Lexi, and I hadn’t realized how much I had missed her until Ulrus brought me to her house an hour ago. Despite how tired and weak she looked, Lexi squealed and threw herself into my arms the moment she opened the door and saw me standing on her porch, a gift in my hands. She hugged me tightly and refused to let go for a long time.
Lexi’s gaze returned to me. “Pretty sure all your babies will look like Ulrus.” She leaned forward and whispered so Commander Driann wouldn’t hear her, “If you haven’t fucked him yet—which I truly recommend because it will rock your entire world—you have to do it as soon as you get home. It will be the best sex you’ve ever had.”
I truly doubted that.
She groaned. “I can’t wait until I can have sex again. I’m going to jump on Driann the moment I’m allowed.”
Lake let out a sound that resembled a protest.
Lexi leaned back against the sofa, and Commander Driann draped an arm around her shoulders.
“You’ll have to get pregnant ASAP so our babies can grow up together,” she said, sounding quite content with the idea.
My stomach sank because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a mother, and even if I did, it meant I’d have to sleep with Ulrus, and I wasn’t sure if that would ever happen.
Lexi kept talking. “I can’t wait for Nine to find out what she’s having, but I bet it’s a boy.” She studied me for a moment. “You look like someone who would love to be a girl mom.”
Lexi wasn’t wrong. I wanted to have a baby girl, but I couldn’t see myself ever trusting Ulrus with my body in such a way.
There were other ways to get pregnant—like artificial insemination. However, having to talk to Ulrus about it made me uncomfortable. Having a baby wasn’t a priority. Adjusting to life on Azuron was. 
“Ulrus and I are still getting to know each other. I don’t even know if he wants children,” I said, hoping it would be enough to satisfy Lexi.
But she didn’t drop the matter. “Trust me,” she insisted. “You only need to fuck him once to be hooked for life.” She then wiggled her eyebrows before finally changing the subject. “So, when did you get here?”
“Yesterday.”
“Yesterday?! And you waited an entire day to come and see me?” she huffed, unhappy.
“You are still recovering from having a baby, and I didn’t want to tire you out more than necessary,” I explained.
“I’m feeling better and better,” Lexi said, but if there was one thing I knew about her, it was that she hated showing any kind of weakness.
The dark circles under her eyes and her place complexion said otherwise. But it wasn’t me who called her out on her lie, but Commander Driann. 
“Lexi,” he sighed. “Ever since Cax, Zun, Xak, and Nova discovered that the So’oks had found this place, I’ve been forced to leave you alone more than I’d like. It’s taking you a long time to recover because you don’t like to let anyone except your brother or me help you with the baby, and even then, you worry all the time instead of resting.”
She sucked on her bottom lip before reluctantly admitting, “I just feel like I’m a bad mother if I allow someone to help.” Tears welled in her eyes.
Careful not to stir the baby awake, I leaned forward and gave her hand a squeeze. “You might have PPD.”
She shrugged. “Maybe? I haven’t felt like myself these past few weeks.”
I knew how hard it must have been for her to admit that.
“I can take care of Lake while Commander Driann takes you to see the doctor.”
“But—” she started to protest.
“You need to be well for your daughter,” I pointed out.
Though visibly unhappy, Lexi did nod in agreement.
“What is BPD?” Commander Driann asked.

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