Book 2. Nine - Back at the base 1

Book 2. Nine - Back at the base 1
Cax stares at the plate of food in front of him, his eyes dull. Next to him, Xak is in the same state.
It’s been more than a week since we made it back to the base. After we finally got out of the cave system, the Myrris explained that they were the missing researchers and that they had been captured by the So’oks.
Tarev confessed that he is the reason Cax and Xak fell into the enemy’s hands, but that he meant no harm. He had only been trying to keep Syrel and Eryth safe, as the So’oks had promised to release them if he brought them soldiers with bionic body parts.
Before anyone could stop me, I punched Tarev while yelling that I would kill him. The only reason that didn’t happen is because Zun pulled me off him. I’m still mad at him for stopping me.
Eventually, the Myrris led us to the nearest research facility, from where we were able to call for help.
The moment we got back to the base, Doctor Bhids saw Cax and Xak right away. Physically, there’s nothing wrong with them. No more parts of their bodies were replaced, but mentally, they are not fine. They’re unresponsive. The doctor couldn’t figure out what was wrong. All the tests came back normal.
Zun and I have tried everything we can to snap them out of it, but so far, nothing has worked.
It takes a while for me to coax them both into eating something, and while Zun cleans the kitchen, I take Xak and Cax to the nest. I help them lie down on the pillows and snuggle between them.
“In the end, I didn’t get pregnant,” I say, hoping they can hear me. “My period ended two days ago, so we’ll have to try again.”
Zun was so relieved when I told him it had started. He was racked with guilt, thinking he might have gotten me pregnant, and hated the idea of having to break Cax’s heart and trust.
I rest my head on Cax’s chest and listen to his heartbeat for a while.
“What did they do to you? To Xak too,” I murmur.
I’m not even angry anymore—just sad and worried for my men.
I take Cax’s hand and bring it to my chest, pressing his palm between my breasts. “Can you feel my heartbeat?” I ask. “It’s never been like this before. Not until you, Xak, and Zun. It started gradually, a shift so small I didn’t notice it at first. I didn’t understand it until I knew I wasn’t pregnant. Then I did.
“You see, I never dreamed of having a family of my own. It’s not that I didn’t want a husband and children—I just believed it would never happen to me. When I went to prison, I made peace with the idea that I would die alone, never knowing what love means.”
I press a kiss to his neck.
“But then I was matched with you three, and it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. When I’m around you, I feel calm… at peace. To be honest, I feel horny all the damn time—especially when we’re in danger—which can be annoying, but I wouldn’t change this for anything. I love my life here. And… I think I love you. All three of you. It was inevitable, really.
“Zun is so cute, all I want to do is kiss him all the time. Xak makes me feel safe. And you… you’re the strong one. The one who would protect me from anything.”
There’s still no reaction from either of them.
But that doesn’t mean I’m going to give up. Somehow, Cax and Xak will come back to me.
“I know we’ve only known each other for a short time, and we haven’t had enough time to really get to know each other well, but sometimes you don’t need long to fall in love with the right person. Or the right aliens. I love it here on Azuron, and I love the life we’re slowly starting to build.”
A loud snort leaves me.
“I’ve used the word love more in the last minute than I have in my entire life,” I groan. “Can I tell you two a secret? Ever since I came here, I don’t feel like myself anymore. Before, I was so full of anger. I couldn’t control myself when someone said the wrong thing or even looked at me the wrong way.”
I roll onto my back.
“For a long time, I was angry at life—at what I was put through as a child—and I wanted those around me to feel my pain too. But all that feels like a lifetime ago. I’m not that person anymore. Now, I just want a peaceful life with my men.”
Ever since we returned to the base, everyone has been on high alert, and security has doubled. General Raadalx, along with his team, is trying to locate the So’oks, but so far, they haven’t had any luck.
Last night, I spent several hours trying to make D’rel—or Doctor Frankenstein, as I like to call him—tell me what he knows about the So’oks on Azuron. I even insisted that they were here to rescue him, but he denied it before explaining that a So’ok who is taken by the enemy is considered as good as dead, as they lose the respect of every So’ok.
They believe that only strong, capable males are allowed to live, while the weak ones are fated to die at a young age. He also said that he can’t return home, because only death awaits him there. He would be forced to kill himself publicly as punishment for being weak.
Even if D’rel is a So’ok—which already screams danger—I decided to believe him, and against my better judgment, I recommended that he be allowed to work with Doctor Bhids. Only time will tell if it was a stupid idea or a good one.
Rachel, Zaryon, Ssythar, and the rest of those who have suffered at the hands of D’rel are pissed at me. They don’t understand why I would trust him. I don’t. But Ziki likes him—yes, my alien pet monkey is now best friends with D’rel. Little traitor.
Trying to explain to them why I did what I did took many hours, and they still don’t understand. Rachel even said she felt betrayed, and that she can’t be my friend for now. I understand why she’s angry, but it still doesn’t sit well with me. My intention wasn’t to open old wounds, and I hope that, in time, they’ll see I didn’t do this out of malice, but because of something D’rel revealed only to me—that he’s working on a vaccine for the virus.
For some reason, I don’t think he was lying. So I told him he has six months to show me results. He agreed.
I turn onto my side, facing Xak. “How about a little nap?” I suggest.
I fall asleep right away. 
When I wake up, a couple of hours late, someone is hugging me from behind. 
For a moment, I think it’s Zun, then Cax’s voice rasps into my ear, “My sweet Kelari.”