Chapter 31

Alpha River’s P.O.V

I lay in the hospital bed slightly aware of what was going on around me. I don’t even know what day it is. But one thing is for sure that my nightmares felt real. I’ve never felt anything like that and I don’t want to go through it again. I was also in a shit ton of pain and the pain meds that I am sure the doctors pumped with is not even working.

Kaeden has been trying to heal me but there was so little he could do. I seriously can’t believe my mate did this to me. Handed my ass to me on a silver platter. My mother hasn’t left my side since I was admitted and she hasn’t stopped crying too. My father? Nowhere to be found. He was disappointed in me and I couldn’t blame him. Even I was disappointed in me.

I clear my mind and start rethinking of all that has happened before my mate got here and when she got here. I flinched internally when I remembered the tears and emotions behind her stone-cold gaze. I couldn’t read her thoughts. She blocked me out the moment, the link was created. But I can still feel bits and pieces of her emotions and they were agonizing.

I may have acted rudely and nonchalantly back at the conference room but I know I have done wrong and have hurt her more than anyone could. I didn’t know my actions would cause a chain of catastrophic events. All I can say is had I known. But it is already too late. It’s disheartening that my mate had to bear all the pain and physical punishment.

I know mine is yet to come but my mate is like an alarm now. Like a reminder. Every time I set my sights on her, I will be remembered of what I have done. Whether I want to or not. Luckily, she doesn’t want to tell the whole pack because then I would be doomed.

But all that didn’t matter. My mate is. I can honestly say that, I have done her wrong and it’s time to make things right. But that’s the problem, she doesn’t want me anymore. The kind of hate brewing through the bond is an entirely different force to be reckoned with.

Now Tricia, I don’t know what to even say to her or do for her. In a way, I feel sorry for her. I have a mate and I know what it’s like to build a connection and to be bonded. It’s the kind of feeling that you can’t begin to fathom. You ought to experience it to understand. And to be cursed to never know what it’s like is total damnation.

Then there is the issue of never giving birth. If I were to be in her shoes, I would die because I have always wanted kids. But look who is talking, I will never be a father because I have ruined my chances too. Lying here now, I realize how stupid I have been. How selfish and childish I have been. I have taken this too far than it should have gone. My phobia for change has cost me more than I bargained for.

Tricia will always have a special place in my heart but I think it’s time to let her go. It’s my fault that she’s now barren and mate-less and it’s also my fault that my high ranked members will suffer for something that wasn’t their fault. In their defense, they were only being loyal to him. I have to do something about it.

I thought my mate was the oblivious one but look at me now. My arrogance and ego blinded me and now I will reap what I have sown in multiple folds. I let my mind wander back to my mate’s mating ceremony. The mating tattoo that we now bare on our wrists and the approval mark on Matthews’ chest. A sense of loss and longing filled me the moment I laid eyes on it. Their family crest and other symbols that signified their acceptance of Kiara’s mate into their family.

I now know why Kiara didn’t like me. But that doesn’t bother me because the feeling is mutual. There was just something about her that ruffled my fur. In fact, their whole family does. It’s still unsettling to know that I am mated to the heir of the whole underworld and darkness. The daughter of King Chaos. I studied him in school and he was a whole lot of scary.

Who and what he is, is danger and that scares me more than death? And even then, I know that death would not even be in my favor because I would be in his domain and he can do to me as he wishes without getting his hands dirty. I mean, there are my mate’s aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews and a whole lot of extended folks who will love to torment me and enjoy every moment of it.

What have I done to myself?

I can lie here all day and will still be able to list all the wrongs I have done and the people I have pulled in with me. My head was aching and I had to grit my teeth to prevent me from groan or worse, scream in pain. After taking a couple of deep breaths, I opened my eyes only to close it back because of the blinding lights that greeted me.

My mother was quick to alert a doctor and soon, I was able to open my eyes without torture.

“Water…” I croaked out because my throat felt dry and hot like the Saharan dessert.

Yet again, my mother was on her feet getting it for me.

I took the straw nudging at my lips into my mouth and sipped the cold refreshing liquid. I didn’t stop till it was all done.

“Thanks Ma” I said softly.

I didn’t try smiling because just talking hurt like a bitch. I haven’t seen what I look like but from how I’m feeling now; I know I look worse and nasty.

“Um could you summon all the high ranked members for me? There is something I need to say to them” I say softly to my mother

“No. you need to rest.” She replied stubbornly

“But Ma…”

“But nothing! You finally wake up after six days and you want to throw yourself back into work already. No”

“I am not summoning them because of work. It’s personal so please be a darling and call them for me”

“Okay just relax. I will step out and get them for you”

“Thanks Ma”

I watched as she walked out of my room. She’s smiling and all that but I know she is sad inside. She’s just trying to stay strong for me but it’s not necessary. She has her own issues to deal with. When I get time with her alone, I will try and question her on how she and my dad’s relationship is going.

My father is a very social person but the downside is that, he really knows how to hold a grudge. He warned us and the fact that we failed to heed to his warnings just added fuel to fire. It’s going to take a while before he forgives us and I will work for it.

I had just closed my eyes again as the pain kicked in full force when the door to my room opened. I turned my head as much as I could and watched as my high ranked members walked solemnly into the room. Even without saying, I know something was wrong because they all had on shirts three times their sizes or blankets wrapped around their body all except Matthews and Richard.

I think I know why but I will just have to wait and hear what they have to say.

“You look like shit” Jeremiah teased

“Well I feel like it too” I responded honestly

“You called” Matthews said as he stared at me blankly

“Yeah I did Matt. I just wanted to apologize for dragging you all into my mess. I honestly didn’t know it will end up like this. But that is no excuse. Well I am sorry guys”

The room went silent for a while before Matthews spoke up

“I forgive you. I forgive you” he whispered with tears glistening in his eyes.

I looked around and from the looks on their faces, I know they have forgiven me but just didn’t want to voice it out. Matthews was more than a friend. He was like a little brother to me and I messed up.

I beckoned him with my hand without screaming in pain and watched as he carefully got into bed with me.