CHAPTER 22

White walls welcomed my eyes when I slowly opened them.

I quietly scanned the room. As usual, Mommy was sleeping on my bedside while holding my hand. Andrei, on the other hand, was an idiot looking at the ceiling while sitting on the floor. If there was only one word to describe what he looked like, it would be miserable. Slowly his gaze fell on me.

His eyes widened slightly in shock, but that was immediately replaced by other emotions. Sadness, pity, remorse, and grief.

I slowly closed my eyes and gently touched my stomach, causing Mommy to wake up.

Silence remained with us, no one dared to speak. Waiting for whatever I do.

"Did I... lose them?" I barely managed to say then gently opened my eyes. I just stared at the ceiling waiting for their confirmation.

I heard my mom's little sob before holding my hand. "They are now at peace princess. They are now in a good place," she said and tightened the grip on my hand.

I closed my eyes and let my tears flow. "Is being with me not a good place for them?" I said bitterly.

She immediately wiped away my tears and kissed my forehead. "Dear, I know it hurts. But we need to accept that they are gone now," she said gently.

I slowly opened my eyes then looked at her. "Why mom? Why is this happening to me? I didn't do anything bad. Why me? Why us?" I said with a broken voice.

She hugged me and caressed my hair. "Do not think that this is punishment or anything. You should always think that everything is God's plan," she said.

"Why did he give them to me if he was always planning on taking them back? It's so unfair...it's so unfair. I didn't even take care of them, I didn't even touch them." I said while crying hard.

"Ssshh... Everything will be fine, my princess. I know it hurts so be strong." Mommy comforted me.

I hugged her back and broke down.

"The moment I saw too much blood running through my legs. I knew at that moment I lost them. But still, I hoped... I wished that they would be saved Mommy." I complained.

"Calm down. Sshhh."

I wanted to stop and calm down but I couldn't. Too much pain, too much pain.

"Why mom? Why my children?" I said again while sobbing loudly.

Mommy let go of me and faced me. "Princess, calm down, hija. It will stress you out." She pleaded as she looked at me.

I just shook my head and kept crying. "I want to die Mom. I want to die. I want to be with them Mommy. Please." I said as I plugged out the dextrose on my wrist.

"Oh my god. Cassandra please stop this," Mommy pleaded hysterically, crying while holding my hand.

"Mommy I want to be with them. I can't leave them there alone." I cried.

"Baby..." he called as he grabbed my hands tight.

I paused for a moment and met his eyes.

New tears built up in my eyes. "Why? Wasn't I a good wife to you?" I said.

He shook his head and stroked my face. "You are great, you are the best wife Cassandra." He said with full sincerity.

I smiled bitterly and let my tears flow. "I no longer know what I believe Andrei. I'm tired, I'm too tired to think." I said.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry baby." He said as his sad eyes looked at me.

"Please do me a favor Andrei." I said, then removed my hand that he was holding.

"Let's separate. Let's file an annulment." I said and averted my eyes.

I could see his stiffness in the corner of my eye and then he held my hand again. "Don't, please baby, I can't. I already lost our babies, please don’t leave me too,” he said weakly, I heard him sob.

I slowly turned around and looked at him. "This marriage was totally a mess Andrei. Can't you see it?" I said bitterly.

"We can fix this baby, please don't leave me." He begged, then touched my face.

I immediately removed him from me and looked at him angrily. "Damn it Andrei! At least sometimes give me a break!" I said with my crying. "Can't you see? I need space! I need fucking time to heal Andrei! I just lost my babies! I just lost them Andrei! And it will not help me continue to see you. I cannot see you because I remember you and your girl are the reason why I lost them!" I added and sobbed in tears.

He did not answer and let me cry.

"Please, let me go," I said weakly then looked at him.

I could see the pain on his face. He slowly stood up and moved away from me a little.

"Will you be happy when I'm gone?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered simply and averted my eyes.

I heard him sigh. "If that's what you want, okay. Just send me the papers." I could trace the weakness in his voice.

I could only nod at him without looking at him.

I was slightly surprised when he approached me and raised my eyes to him.

"I love you," he said with his bloodshot eyes and kissed my forehead. "Goodbye." He whispered softly and left.

I was dumbfounded when he left, and tears flowed down my cheeks quietly.

I felt Mommy hug me as she stroked my back.

"I lost everything mom. Daddy...my babies...my husband." I mumbled.

"Ssshhh. I'm still here. I'm still here." Mommy comforted me.

"I'm so hurt mom. I can't stand being with him. I just can't." I explained the decision I made.

"I understand. I understand." Mommy answered immediately.

"I did him a favor Mommy. I unchained him from our marriage." I spoke again and smiled bitterly.

"Rest Cassandra. Everything will be fine." Mommy whispered.

"Mom," I said and let go of her hug.

"Yes my princess," she replied full of love and understanding as she met my gaze.

"I want to go to America first," I said with pleading eyes.

She let out a deep sigh before hugging me again. I heard her soft cry as she stroked my hair.

"Is that what you want?" she insisted. I just nodded and hugged her tightly. "I want to rest Mommy. I want to escape this pain for a while." I whispered and let my tears flow again for the nth time.