Chapter 20 — Fear
Dana POV:
"Take a fucking breather Dana, you're literally panicking!" Samantha hisses harshly at me, causing me to panic even more at her very sudden reaction.
"What the fuck Samantha! Don't yell at me like that. My heart almost skipped a beat you crazy bitch," I hiss back at her, earning a death glare from her.
"Well, how else was I supposed to get your freaking attention when you haven't stopped panicking like a mad woman! You know we have a lot to do today and yet, you keep spacing out and breathing like someone who just ran a freaking marathon," she snaps back at me, and I hang my head low after realizing that she did have a point.
Today is the official opening of my clothing store and to say I'm simply nervous would be an understatement. Owning a clothing store and a beauty salon has been something I've always wanted to do and the fact that I'll be actualizing one of my biggest wishes today made me both excited and scared at the same time.
What if no one shows up? What if people find it tacky? What if I say something wrong and act out of character? What if I end up embarrassing myself and embarrassing Blake in the process or even worse, what if I do something wrong and my real background is exposed? All of these thoughts and questions bothered me a little more than I would like to admit, and it was seriously messing with my self-esteem.
"I really can't help it Sam, I've nervous as hell. What if no one shows up or something goes horribly wrong? What then am I supposed to do?" I ask rhetorically, venting out my worry.
"It isn't even time yet and you're already being a pessimist. What the hell is wrong with you Dana? Why so negative? You told me that your husband, Mr. Blake, promised to put the word out, which I suppose he did, and he promised to promote your opening and invite his friends so now tell me Dana the overthinker, what exactly could go wrong?" Sam asks and although she seems to be making sense, I still wasn't satisfied.
"That's exactly the problem Sam. Everything seems to be going just fine but yet it isn't going fine. I have no idea if Blake's friends are really going to be here cause the only reason they would be obligated to show up is if Blake was with me, which he obviously isn't so they can choose not to bother themselves cause at the end of the day, it's him they're friends with not me, so they don't owe me their presence," I say to her and she surprisingly starts to chuckle.
"What the fuck is so funny Samantha? I'm being dead fucking serious here! What if everything goes wrong? Aren't you scared? Aren't you nervous about what could be?" I ask, wondering why I seemed to be the only one losing my mind while she seems to not be bothered at all.
"You think I'm not nervous Dana? Of course, I am! We both worked on opening this place together and we did it in such a short period of time so yes of course, I'm nervous cause I at least want the opening to be a success so it can encourage us to push further but how is that gonna happen if I become a pessimist like you? Imagine we both were freaking out and thinking the absolute worst, how is either of us gonna get anything done? Listen Dana, we are going to be just fine. Even if this place isn't packed, it will not be empty and we will successful open this business, do you understand?" she snaps impatiently, giving me the stink eye.
"Fine, let's say you're right and a people end up showing, what happens when that start to ask questions? You know Blake's friends are gonna be richie rich people like him and you know how they can be. What if they start to ask about my life, what I studied in college and all other bullshit questions concerning my background? How am I supposed to deal with that? Do you know how scary it is that I have to face them without Blake with me which means they're going to try to come up to a hundred and ten reasons why I don't deserve to be married to him? Do you have any idea how scared I am?" I ask in a shaky voice, hoping she would try to understand where I'm coming from.
"Really Dana? That's the reason you're panicking. Your problem isn't that they're not gonna show up, your problem is getting judged by them when they show up. You're scared that those rich pricks are gonna try to bully you since Blake isn't with you and you're losing your confidence simply because you don't believe you're fit to be among them. Let me tell you, sweetie. That is bullshit!
"You're married to Blake because he trusted you enough to be named his wife and that is all that should matter to you. The last thing you need to worry about is those rich people that you haven't even met yet but you're already fretting about. Snap out of it Dana and stop thinking you're some lowlife chick in the wrong place cause I know that's what's going through that head of yours but let me remind you sis that out of the hundreds of women Blake could have married, he chose you and now, you're Mrs. Davies, wife of a freaking billionaire heir which means they're not better than you are and that is that!" she rants on in a somewhat upset tone. I decide against arguing any further since she isn't exactly wrong.
I honestly didn't feel confident enough to meet with Blake's friends and have actual conversations with them without making a mistake and acting out of character. The thought of dealing with them alone scared and intimidated me.
"I just can't shake it off Sam, I really can't and believe it or not, I really wish I can just think like you and stop being pessimistic but it's much harder than you think. Each time I picture myself talking to them, the fear of letting them intimidate me overwhelms and I immediately lose my mind just thinking about dealing with them," I explain to her, and she rolls her, evidently sick and tired of my repetitive complaining.
"I don't know what else to tell you Dana, I really don't. So what? You don't want them to come? Is that it? Should we cancel because of your anxiety and your lack of confidence? This is something you've always wanted to do Dana, it's been years since you wished you had a clothing store but if you're going to let strangers that you haven't even set your eyes on intimidate and make you want to crawl back then that's on you sweetie, if you can't do it, I will. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to check in with the girls to make sure everything's going as planned," she says and immediately walks away from me, leaving me to ponder on my thoughts.
If there's something I hate, it's being unable to shake off a negative feeling especially during times like this when I need to let myself be one hundred percent especially if I have something going on for me. I hate the fact that I can't shake off this feeling of insignificance and honestly, I don't think I'll be myself until after the opening which I hope will turn out well like Samantha hopes.
I feel bad that I'm being a pessimist when all she has done is put in so much work to ensure that we have a successful opening. I wouldn't even have made it this far without her help, honestly.
"Dana?" A familiar voice calls out my name and when I turn to see who it was since I couldn't place a face to the voice, it turned out to surprisingly be Jason who was the last person I was expecting to see today, at least not until I got back home.
"What's up Jace? What are you doing here?" I ask, surprised to actually see him here of all days to be here. How did he even know about this place? I don't recall ever mentioning it to him.
"I apologize for catching you off guard, but I spoke to Blake earlier and he told me you were opening your store today, so I decided to come help out since I don't exactly have anything I'm doing back home," he explains and I frown.
"What do you mean you have nothing to do at home? You have an exhibition coming up Jason and you're supposed to be busy with it," I say to, wondering why he would choose to come here when he still has his work to complete. Could Blake possibly have sent him here?
"Well, true, I have an exhibition which is why I'll only be here for about two hours and if you're wondering why I popped up, well, Blake mentioned that his friends would be coming in, so I figured you'd probably need my help in dealing with them," he explains, and I immediately let out a sigh of relief.
"Oh, thank goodness. I honestly didn't think I could deal with them all by myself," I tell him honestly since I see no point in pretending to be fine with speaking with them all by myself.
"Blake only invited the cool ones though so there's really no need to be nervous. I'll probably know a few of them so I'll help you say hello but that would be it. I'll leave as soon as I'm done with that and you'll have to keep up the conversation with them yourself," he adds, and I frown.
"You really could have just kept that information to yourself till later on Jason. You didn't even let me celebrate," I hiss at him, and he chuckles.
"I prefer to set things straight, so it doesn't come as a surprise. Besides, I think you'll handle them pretty well. You seem like the bold type so they shouldn't be too difficult for you to deal with," he says in a somewhat assured tone that actually made me feel embarrassed.
"So, what can I help you with? I'm aware the place doesn't open till about an hour which means I have enough time to be useless. So, how can I help you miss?" he asks, and I'm honestly thrown into confusion.
I didn't even know what to say or how to reply to him since I don't exactly have anything I need help with, and his face was kind of distracting me.
"You know what Jason, I do have something for you to do but first, you have to promise not to refuse, can you?" I tell him, mentally laughing at myself for coming up with the most ridiculous job for him.
"As long as it can't kill me or hurt me physically in any way, then I'm down for it," he replies in an excited tone that made me feel bad for him. He has no idea how embarrassed he's going to be for the rest of the day.
"I really hope you don't resent me after this Jason but since you're ready to help, come with me," I reply to him, and he simply follows behind me without bothering to ask me any questions at all.